


Faith In You

by TeaGirl42



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-11-26 06:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20925974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaGirl42/pseuds/TeaGirl42
Summary: Olivia's life is changed forever when Barba steps up to help following an incident at work.





	1. Darkness

Olivia followed Fin and Carisi up the steps towards an apartment on the third floor. She had to admit a slight rush as they headed towards the front door, she hadn't been out of her office as much as she usually liked to over the last few weeks and while she loved being the boss she missed being out there every single day in the action.

This case was different though; she'd arrested John Delany ten-years-ago when he'd raped and attempted to murder his ex-girlfriend, Abigail. He was a thoroughly 'evil piece of shit', as her long AWOL ex-partner had described him at the time, who had got off on a technicality when a temporary ADA had side-stepped a trial in favour of a deal for five-years and his name on the registry.

Olivia thought back to the case briefly as they ascended the stairs and her mind drifted to their current ADA, she couldn't help but think that if Barba had been on board back then he would have taken the vile excuse for a human being to court and sent him down for a maximum sentence.

Fin looked back at Olivia as they approached the door and nodded, she nodded in return at focused in on the moment. Carisi counted down silently and then they both kicked down the door.

As the heavy wood bounced back off the cheap plaster walls they rushed forward. Olivia heard a noise towards the back of the apartment and pointed Fin and Carisi left and right, before walking straight-ahead with her gun raised.

"AMANDA? We're looking for Amanda Fallon…" She said loudly as she walked through the apartment towards what she suspected was a back bedroom.

_"Clear!"_ She heard Carisi shout from the right.

She took a few more steps towards the door and heard Fin's echoing, _"Clear!"_ From the left.

This meant that if someone was in this apartment she was likely to be walking towards them, her senses sharpened further and she called out again, "Delany - I need you to step out here _slowly_ with your hands up…"

She held her gun securely as she twisted slightly to open the door, she didn't want to risk kicking it open just in case Amanda was in her path.

As she turned the handle and pulled, the door flew open and knocked her backwards. The next few seconds went by in a blur - she heard Fin shout, felt a soul-shaking blow to the back of her head and then heard a shot.

* * *

"Liv…" Fin's anxious voice stirred her and Olivia blinked in the darkness.

"What…where am I?" Olivia asked and winced, her head hurt like _hell._

"God, Liv…I think ya passed out a second, don't do that to me!" Fin said with obvious panic still in his tone.

"What?" Olivia blinked again and looked toward the sound of his voice.

"We've called a bus for Delany, I took him down but he's gonna be okay…damn, you okay? You still look out of it..." Fin asked cautiously.

Olivia's mind raced, "I don't understand..." she tried to stand and then felt Fin hold her back.

"Woah, Liv…careful!"

"I don't…" Olivia gasped and blinked again, pushing back at Fin in confusion and fear, "I don't understand…"

"Liv, what? You're startin' to freak me out!" Fin said firmly and held her in place.

"W-why are the lights out? How long have I been out? _W-why is it so dark in here?!"_ She gasped and looked around desperately.

Fin felt sick and reached out to cup her face, "Liv, hold still. I'm right here…"

Olivia froze still and stared straight ahead, "Fin…I…I…I…"

She heard him take a deep breath and then speak slowly and quietly, "Liv, you tellin' me you can't see nothing?"

His heart broke when he watched a tear roll down her cheek.

"I…" she paused and looked around pointlessly, "I can't…I can't…I don't…"

She heard a noise in the corner and turned towards it in instinctive panic.

"Guys, ya'll need another bus. We need you here. Lieutenant Olivia Benson, blow to the head…" Olivia heard him pause and then he continued quietly, "…she can't _see _anything."

She reached out in panic when she heard and felt Fin move away.

"I'm right here, Liv, I swear…they're just gonna have a look at you…sure it's a concussion or something, yeah?" She heard him direct the question at the medics but could also hear the panic in his voice.

"Olivia," a kind voice said to her softly, "…I need you to look straight-ahead…can you see anything at all? Shapes? Lights?"

Olivia shook her head and the stranger held her still.

"Can you just stay _very_ still for me, Olivia?" The voice said softly.

She nodded tearfully and reached her hand out. She couldn't remember if she'd ever held Fin's hand, and if she had how many years it had been, but she recognised it immediately when it slipped into hers.

"I'm here, Liv…" He said softly and Olivia felt tears escape her eyes.

"We're going to take you straight in, Olivia," the strange voice said and then directed at Fin, "…you coming with her?"

"Yes…" she heard him turn and shout back, "Carisi, I'm goin' with Liv!"

_"Call me!"_ Carisi shouted back, clearly equally concerned but taking control of Delany so that everyone else could concentrate on Olivia.

"Okay…okay…" Olivia said weakly and started to stand.

"No, no, no..." the medic said quickly, "…we're going to need you to stay as _still_ as possible. We're going to get you onto a chair, Olivia, and then carry you down. I understand that this is going to be scary and disorientating for you, but you're going to have to trust us…and your friend is going to be there with you the whole time."

Olivia nodded shakily and closed her eyes, "I…" she started to speak and then stopped.

"Is there anyone you want to call? To be there for you at the hospital?" The voice asked and Olivia opened and closed her mouth. "Husband? Partner? Friend?"

Olivia felt more tears slip down her cheeks, she opened and closed her mouth again as she heard the chair being moved into place by who she assumed was the other medic.

"No…I…no…I…" She was breathing in short breaths now, clearly trying to control her panic as two strangers helped her into a chair and then strapped her in.

_TBC..._


	2. Safe

Olivia knew that her terror was illogical, she was safe. _Perfectly safe, _she told herself repeatedly as she gripped onto the gurney on which she was now being transported through the hospital.

But every moment felt bigger...and every little bump felt like it had the potential to rock her to the ground.

She could feel Fin's hand still firmly in hers as she heard him tell her calmly that they were going down a hallway in the hospital now and that _everything was going to be okay._

But the truth was she wasn't sure she had ever felt so terrified.

The lack of control was overwhelming her senses.

"God!" She gasped as they suddenly turned around a corner.

"Sorry!" Fin said quickly and she felt his other hand on her shoulder, "…we're just pulling into a room."

Olivia nodded and bit her lip, "Am I…? What am I…?" She let out a frustrated breath and bowed her head.

Her head hurt.

She felt nauseous.

Her mind tried to latch on to something. Anything to stop her thoughts from spinning.

_Noah._

"Noah…?" Olivia asked tearfully.

"Carisi text'd me on the ride over - 'Manda contacted Lucy, he's fine…" Fin reassured.

Olivia nodded; "I don't want him to know anything until we know…" she searched for the words and then ended weakly with, _"…anything."_

"It's going to be okay, Liv…" Fin said confidently.

_"We don't know that!"_ She snapped tearfully and then felt remorseful, "I'm sorry, Fin, I need…"

"What do you need, Liv?" Fin asked, genuinely not caring if Olivia needed to lash out a little, he was eager to do _anything_ to make this nightmare easier for her.

She shook her head sadly, really not sure what she needed right now.

They sat in silence. Her hand in his, her thoughts racing and spiralling.

Minutes of internal noise passed and then a voice cut through her turmoil. Quiet and in the far distance – but, to Olivia, absolutely unmistakable.

_\- "Benson! Lieutenant Olivia Benson, I know she was brought here…" -_

She gripped onto Fin's hand tightly when she heard the voice.

"What's wrong, Liv?" Fin asked quickly, concern filling his tone.

She heard a further muffled debate and squeezed his hand, "Barba's here…"

There were a few seconds of silence, Fin couldn't hear a thing. "Liv, I didn't even call Barba. I didn't think…"

"Can you just…?" Her voice broke with emotion and Olivia was surprised by her sudden overpowering need to have Barba's presence near. Was _he_ the 'something' that she couldn't place she needed?

"Okay, Liv, okay…" Fin assured softly, "...and if he isn't here I'll call 'im." He was pleased to finally have a task - simultaneously surprised by her urgency to see the ADA and kicking himself for not acting sooner.

* * *

Fin had walked out of the room and around the corner before he heard the unmistakable sound of ADA Barba arguing his case.

"...I'm not here in an official capacity, I'm a _friend. _I just need to see her..._"_ Barba argued with a tall male nurse.

"A friend, so not family and unless I hear otherwise I still can't let you through, man…" the nurse said firmly.

Barba looked around impatiently and then his eyes lit up when he saw Fin. "Detective, can you call the dogs off?" He scowled at the nurse standing in his way. "Where's Liv? Is she okay?"

The nurse turned and recognised Fin as the friend his patient had travelled in with.

Fin nodded at the nurse, "He's family, man...she's asking for him."

"Liv's asked for _me?"_ Barba inquired anxiously, "She's okay then? Awake?"

"Barba…" Fin paused and tried to search for the right words, "…we don't know what's happening yet. Delany attacked her, she's…"

"What?" Barba asked sharply, obvious alarm and dread in his voice.

"She hit her head pretty bad, Barba. She can't _see_ anything..." Fin explained simply.

Barba felt ill, his head swam and he reached out to brace himself on a nearby counter. "She's…?"

"We don't know what's goin' on yet, Barba, but Liv's awake and she's strong...and she's asking for you," Fin instructed calmly.

Barba nodded at Fin then looked back at the nurse, _"Can I?"_

The nurse nodded understandingly now, seeing the lawyer physically react to the news had made it more than clear that he belonged in that room.

* * *

Olivia felt her nausea and panic growing every second that Fin was gone.

How long had it been?

_Minutes?_

It felt like hours...

She moved her head pointlessly in the direction of every tiny echoing noise, feeling so alone that her heart started to speed up and tears began to cascade down her cheeks.

Suddenly she heard the sound of shoes rushing into the room, then...

"I'm here, Liv," Barba's voice soothed her, "what do you need?"

She sobbed and Fin watched Olivia's fingers grip the white sheet under her, almost clawing towards the ADA.

"Rafael…" She whispered tearfully her hand opening and closing.

"What do you need?" Barba repeated softly.

"I…" Olivia winced and pointlessly tried to control her emotions, reaching towards him she asked breathlessly, "My hand…can you hold my hand? I can't see you…I need…"

Suddenly Olivia felt both of his hands slide into hers. The fingers of one hand laced with hers while the other stroked her lower forearm as his thumb traced the inside of her wrist.

Olivia felt as though warmth and _peace_ were being infused into her body.

She brought her other hand over to link with his and breathed slowly and deeply. "I can't seem to think straight" she explained tearfully, "…I don't know what's happening. _Please,_ can you stay with me?"

Barba nodded automatically and moved a little closer; she could hear the fear, pain and confusion in his voice seconds later when he quietly replied, "Of course, Liv, I'm not going anywhere."

Fin watched her reaction to Barba's presence and silently reproached himself for not even thinking about contacting the ADA sooner. Olivia was like a sister to him, which meant that he was quick to pick up on her unique connection with Barba from the start. He didn't understand it at first, but the more he got to know the man behind the ego the more he realised that Olivia had recognised something in him that he seemed to try to hide from other people in his life...watching them now Fin was starting to suspect that his old friend had found a kindred spirit.

* * *

When the doctor walked through several minutes later she looked up at the small group, she smiled kindly at them and then glanced down at her notes, "Okay, Ms Benson, my name is Claudia Fox and I'm the specialist assigned to your case. I appreciate this must be alarming, but we're going to do everything we can to get to the bottom of this. I understand that you received a severe blow to the back of your head a little over an hour ago and since then you have not been able to see? Any lights or shadows?"

Olivia shook her head, her hand unconsciously gripping Barba's a little tighter.

"So you're going to have a series of tests, scans and examinations. We usually ask family and friends to give us some time and space to…"

Olivia swallowed forcefully and squeezed Barba's hand.

Claudia smiled compassionately at Barba, "I think under the circumstances maybe your husband can…"

_"Friend…"_ Both Barba and Olivia corrected the doctor in unison and Fin forced himself not to laugh in spite of the situation.

The doctor also smiled and nodded, then corrected herself; "Well then…considering the distress that this kind of damage can cause I would feel happy to allow your _friend_ to remain with us during the tests. If that would make you feel more comfortable?"

Olivia nodded once and then added, "Thank you, Dr Fox."

"Claudia, please…" She corrected with a smile in her voice.

"If you don't mind?" Olivia added suddenly and turned her face toward Barba. "You don't have anywhere you need to go?"

Barba needlessly shook his head and then rushed to add, "Nowhere, Liv. I'm here."

* * *

Hours of testing revealed a lot of reassuring _negative _results, but no clear answers. The fact was that the doctors weren't sure _why_ Olivia couldn't see. Her eyes were working fine; there was no obvious brain damage or bleeds. She was ostensibly _healthy._

All Claudia could recommend was that Olivia went home and got plenty of rest. She would need to return for further tests, but she felt that it was possible that her eyesight _could_ return naturally as she recovered from the trauma.

Carisi and Dodds had arrived together about fifteen minutes after the tests had been completed and Dodds tried to find some way to be useful and supportive.

"We could hire you a nurse? Or someone to help you at home…?" He suggested.

Barba felt Olivia's hand tighten in his. Her hand had barely left his in almost four hours - not that he was complaining, but their colleagues had unquestionably noticed the fact.

"What's wrong, Liv?" Barba asked with concern.

"Noah would be scared, I can't have a stranger in our home…_this_ will be terrifying enough," she said with frustration.

"What would make _you_ more comfortable?" Barba asked simply.

Olivia didn't answer. She acknowledged silently at that moment that only _one_ person was making her feel safe right now, but what was she supposed to say? _'I want you to put your life on hold, come live at my place and help me to look after my little boy.'_ Surely that was too much to ask even your closest friend? She suddenly felt overwhelmed again and failed to hold back a sob.

"Hey...hey, Liv…" Barba said quickly and then he looked up at the room, "…can you all give us ten minutes alone?"

Olivia heard murmurings of agreement and the shuffle of movement out of the room.

Then a warm hand came to rest on her neck, gently tilting her face towards his voice. "I want to help you, Liv, whatever you need. How do you want to do this...and how do _you_ feel that this can be made easier for Noah?"

Olivia took a deep breath, she wished for the millionth time in the last few hours that she could see his eyes. "It's not your …" She started to argue.

"Liv, you're my friend…" Barba repeated firmly, "...help me to find a way to support you right now. Whatever you need, if it's within my power it's yours."

Olivia sobbed and felt his hand stroking up her arm, they were being remarkably tactile since she had asked him to hold her hand – far more tactile than she usually was in public with men she was dating – but then she guessed that was because she couldn't see him. She needed to feel his touch instead.

"What do you need?" He repeated softly.

The warmth and strength of his hands on her sensitised skin seemed to galvanise her, she took a breath and then admitted, "Y-you?"

There was silence and she immediately felt uncomfortable.

"I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry, I…" Olivia dropped her face down to where his hands were still gripped in hers.

_"No!"_ Barba cut in quickly, "I said anything, I meant anything…you want me to do what exactly?"

"Noah likes you, he feels comfortable around you…**I** feel comfortable around you…" She tried to explain anxiously.

"You want _me_ to move in with you? To help you at home?" Barba clarified, trying not to sound as shocked as he felt.

"I don't want you to feel any pressure…" Olivia laughed humourlessly, "What a ridiculous thing to say, of course you feel pressured - your blind friend is asking you to put your life on hold to move in with her and help her look after her child. I'm being unreasonable...selfish...I…"

She felt what she immediately recognised as two fingertips touch her lips and she fell silent.

"Olivia," his voice sounded firm, a tone not open to argument, "...you are the _least_ selfish person that I have ever known. Now, I'm going to leave you here with Fin for a couple of hours while I run some errands. I need to pack some bags, make a few calls and let work know that I'll be back…when I'm back..."

_"Rafa, no!"_ Olivia said quickly and was frustrated when she could already feel herself getting upset again.

Barba carried on as though she hadn't said a word, "I'll be back as soon as possible and then we can get you home, okay?"

"Rafael, this is crazy, I don't know what I was thinking. I can't ask you to do this. It's too much to ask any friend. Your work…" Olivia argued with frustration.

"My work can wait, when was the last time I even took a vacation?" Barba said with a smile in his voice and Olivia's mouth turned up weakly. "Olivia, what if I was in trouble and I told you that I needed your help?"

She was quiet.

"You don't need to answer that question, because I already know the answer," Barba said confidently. "We're going to work this out together, Liv, I promise. You are the strongest person I know, but you're not in this alone."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded. She wanted to argue with him, to tell him that he couldn't just upend his life like this, but she reluctantly realised that she didn't have the strength to do that right now. She might be strong, but now she needed to lean on her friend. She held on to his hand, "I'm sorry. I know I'm putting a lot on you, it's just…" she ran her thumb over his palm slowly, "…you make me feel _safe."_

Barba knew that he'd never felt more stunned, gratified or proud of a statement in his life. Olivia Benson needed him. "I'm here, Liv, and I'm not going anywhere."

_TBC..._


	3. Home

Barba walked out of the room and found Fin, Carisi and Dodds waiting around the corner.

"I'm going to put in a request for leave, collect some things from home and make a few calls…can you wait with her for a couple of hours?" He asked Fin.

None of the men even attempted to hide their shock.

"So you're…?" Fin started to ask. He knew they were friends but this outcome hadn't even crossed his mind.

"Liv needs someone at home for a while, she's not comfortable with a stranger and she wants someone Noah will be happy with. So I'm going to have to become accustomed to sleeping on the couch for a while…" Barba explained as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Barba, I know you two are close but…" Dodds paused and then tried to tread lightly, "…do you have any idea what you might be taking on here?"

Barba sighed and shrugged, "Liv doesn't either, but I guess we'll figure it out as we go along."

* * *

Fin walked back into the hospital room as Olivia was trying to reach around looking for something.

"Okay, Liv?" He said hurrying over.

"I suddenly felt a little cold…" Olivia said with visible irritation, "…I_ know_ I had a jacket somewhere around here."

"Hang on, I'll get it…" He rushed forward and picked up her jacket, then helped her put it on.

She sat back looking a little lost, her hands wringing in her lap.

"So Barba is gonna come stay with you and Noah? He really offered?" Fin asked with a little humor in his voice.

Olivia frowned a little at Fin's amusement, "I asked. Noah likes Rafael, he'll feel safe with him there," she started to explain and he looked surprised, he didn't know that the ADA and Noah were that close. "Also…" Olivia sighed and added, "...this is a lot to take in, Fin, and the doctor says that I need to be relaxed. As soon as Rafael arrived today I started to feel better…I think I need his friendship and support right now."

Fin smiled and moved to sit closer to his friend, "Then ya need to ask for what ya need."

Olivia nodded reluctantly, "I'm not asking for too much?"

He let out a breath and then reached to take her hand again, "I have a feelin' that isn't even _possible."_

Olivia wasn't ready to ask him what he meant, but just closed her eyes and tried to relax.

* * *

Barba arrived back at the hospital a couple of hours later and Olivia was already sat in a chair waiting to leave.

"Liv…" He said quietly as he walked over and he was taken aback by her smile when she looked up toward his voice. "Have you been waiting long?"

Olivia shook her head, "Maybe fifteen minutes, I'm finding it a little difficult to keep track…" she explained as Barba sat close to her and consciously reached out to take her hand - he didn't want her to feel that she had to ask for the contact she seemed to need in order to feel more secure.

"You're ready to leave?" He checked.

"Sure, Fin just went to borrow a chair. The doctor suggested that it might be easier for me to leave on wheels. I guess it's safer and more expedient as well…" Olivia explained a little sadly.

"And what would you prefer?" Barba asked.

Olivia frowned, "I guess I would prefer to walk on my own two feet, but I understand that _my_ needs may need to take a back seat for a while…"

"Like hell they do!" Barba said with determined outrage.

She smiled at his tone, "Rafael…"

"Okay, so did the doctor say that it was safe for you to walk?" Barba checked.

"Of course, but…" Olivia started.

"You trust me, right?" Barba asked with a smile in his voice.

"You _know_ I do," Olivia assured.

"Right, so stand up," Barba watched as she stood, "How do you feel? No nausea or light-headedness?"

She smiled and shook her head.

"So how do you want to do this? Do you want to put your arm through mine?" He asked patiently.

Olivia smiled and nodded.

Fin walked around the corner and paused just in time to watch Olivia standing next to Barba, she put her arm through his and smiled when his other hand reached across to squeeze hers.

"You still feel okay?" Barba checked.

Olivia laughed lightly, "Don't fuss, Rafa. I'll tell you if I need a break."

Barba smirked, "Yes, ma'am."

"So are we leaving then?" Olivia asked with feigned impatience.

Barba looked up and saw Fin standing there with a chair. "We won't be needing that," he smiled at the detective, "Lieutenant Benson does _not_ require a chauffeur."

Fin nodded, clearly impressed by Olivia's stubbornness and Barba's natural aptitude for inspiring his friend to push her boundaries.

"So how do you want to do this?" Barba asked.

"You walk, I'll follow your lead. I trust you, Rafael. Let's just take it easy to start with…and don't forget to tell me about any steps or ramps…" Olivia instructed nervously, tightening her grip on his arm and linking their fingers.

Barba smiled and nodded, "Let's get you home."

* * *

They took their time but Fin watched Barba and Olivia walk all the way out to the front of the building.

When Olivia felt the warm sun and fresh air she turned her face up towards the heat and smiled. Fin could see that Olivia felt better and more independent walking, and when he came over to say goodbye he was relieved to see her genuine smile.

"If ya need anything at all..." Fin told her firmly.

"I'll call, I promise, and I'll let you know how I'm doing," Olivia assured. "Thank you for _everything_ today, Fin, you're a good friend."

Fin nodded, "You make that easy, Liv."

A cab pulled up and Barba reached his free hand over to lay on her forearm, "Our lift is here."

Olivia nodded, reached out to squeeze Fin's hand - then Barba helped her into the back of the vehicle.

"If _you_ need anything, man…" Fin told Barba after he shut the door.

Barba nodded gratefully and then walked around to climb in. Once in the back he reached over and took Olivia's hand.

* * *

Barba opened the door and Olivia was a little suprised to recognise the familiar scent of home.

"Do you want to change?" Barba asked as he closed the door and then walked her into the living area.

He watched her reach out nervously to check for furniture and walls, quickly losing track of where she was and unsure of her barings.

"Take a little time to familiarise yourself, Liv," Barba said softly.

"I can't rely on you to guide me everywhere," Olivia replied with mild irritation.

"You won't," Barba assured, "...but you've only just arrived home, give yourself a break."

Olivia nodded and leaned into his side. "I _would_ like to change," she added, "could you take me through to my bedroom?"

Barba squeezed her hand and started to walk her through, "Shall I help you find your things and then give you some space?"

Olivia nodded, "Please." She felt the change as they walked into her room. "Did I even make my bed this morning?" She asked casually, hoping to lighten the mood.

Barba laughed softly, "You did - you're such a Suzy Homemaker."

She smiled and suddenly felt an unexpected wave of emotion, how was her friend managing to make her smile right now?

"Shall we go to the closet or the drawers?" He asked.

"Drawers - can you find me some joggers, a t-shirt and maybe a hoodie? Something comfortable..." Olivia asked.

Barba walked her over to her bed, "The bed is behind you..."

Olivia nodded and carefully sat.

Barba cautiously opened a middle drawer - then finding underwear and stockings he closed it quickly, "Erm...which drawer?"

"Did you find some unmentionables?" Olivia teased.

"Liv, which drawer?" He asked again. He was embarrassed by how awkward he sounded, you'd think he'd never seen women's underwear before...but he'd certainly never seen Liv's.

"Second drawer down," Olivia told him with a small smile.

Barba pulled out the items and couldn't help but smooth his hand over the soft material as he walked over. "Here you go..." He said and carefully placed the items on her lap. "I'll wait in the kitchen - I can have a look and see what we have for dinner...call me if you need anything."

She nodded as he walked away, then as she heard the door open she added, "Thank you, Rafa."

She heard him paused then after a few seconds he replied, "You don't need to thank me, Liv. Please, just take me for granted a while. I'm here, okay?"

Olivia bit her lip and nodded as he left.

She sat on the bed for a few minutes and tried to focus on not being overwhelmed by the situation. Her surroundings felt familiar, she reached out and ran her hand over the comforter and breathed in deeply through her nose. _One task at a time,_ she told herself with determination. Task one - change my clothes. Task two...

She let out a frustrated breath and decided to focus on task one. First unbuttoning her silk shirt carefully and slipping it off her arms, then picking through the pile of clothes that Barba had left her and finding her shirt. She ran her fingers over it and thought that she recognised the material. _Green,_ she reflected as she pulled it over her head. Then she stood carefully and unbuttoned her pants, everything felt awkward and unfamiliar.

She thought back to the hundreds of times she'd slipped off her clothes late at night after a long shift, not even bothering to turn on the lights before falling into bed. Those were the pre-Noah years; when she rarely had anything to worry about beyond what time she needed to get up the next morning for work.

Her pants dropped to the floor and she sat back on the bed and carefully kicked off her shoes, before pulling them off and turning to the pile to locate her sweatpants. This didn't feel like getting changed in the dark...this wasn't darkness...this was something more. Something_ overwhelmingly_ more.

After pulling on her pants Olivia slipped the hoodie over her head and then ran her hands along the bed to her cabinet, feeling for a hair tie she was sure she'd discarded there that morning. She could _see_ the tie landing on the table in her head. A clear image of the tangled circle of elastic falling lightly on the wood and coming to rest near her lamp. Her fingers found the band and she smiled before pulling her hair back from her face and looping it up.

Her thoughts went to Barba. Should she call him?

She suddenly felt the need to prove that she could cope. Not prove to _him_ so much as prove to herself that she wouldn't need to rely on him completely - wouldn't be a burden to her friend even though she knew that he was happy to support her.

She stood anxiously and pictured the room in her head - then she took a couple of careful steps, her hands out in front of her tracing the air apprehensively for potential hazards. Two more steps and she found the wall. Olivia took a steadying breath and pictured where she was standing, her hand stretched out to the right and met her light switch. Nodding with satisfaction she took two precise steps along the wall until she found the doorframe, then she turned the handle and began the cautious walk along her hall.

* * *

Barba was just arranging pasta, vegetables and chicken on the kitchen counter when he heard a shuffle and looked up to find Olivia slowly walking around the corner - her hands trailing the wall.

"Hey," he smiled broadly when he saw her. "How are you doing?"

She smiled, quite proud of her walk from her bedroom into the living area. "Good, it feels nice to be in more comfortable clothes. What time is it?"

"A little after 5, Noah should be home soon," Barba replied as he walked over and slipped his hand into hers.

"I don't know how to explain this to him," Olivia said with a sigh as Barba walked with her toward the couch.

"Just tell him the truth, Liv," Barba said kindly, "...he's a smart kid, he'll be able to tell if you hold something back from him and that will only make him worry more."

Olivia smiled, "When did you get to be so good with children?"

Barba chuckled a little wistfully, "I used to be a kid, Liv. In a house that held plenty of secrets...so I know how that feels."

She nodded sadly, another reason that she felt a kinship with Barba.

"You're in front of the couch if you want to sit," Barba told her.

Olivia nodded and moved to sit down. "You'll stay? When I talk to him..."

Barba sat and slipped his hand into hers again, "How about I ask Noah first? Unless he says that he'd rather speak to you alone then I'll stay."

Olivia smiled and nodded, "Sounds good. One more favor?"

"Absolutely," Barba agreed readily.

"Can you answer the door and tell Lucy that I need a little space to talk to Noah? I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with people yet, and I need to talk this through with Noah first."

"I can do that." Barba agreed. "Am I not 'people' then?" He asked with an unmistakable smile in his voice.

"No..." Olivia replied with a gentle smirk, "...you're Barba."

* * *

An hour later, Barba met Lucy and Noah at the door when they arrived home. He quietly explained to Lucy that Olivia needed a little space to talk to her son, and she left understandingly after passing on her love and best wishes to Olivia.

Near the door, Barba dropped down in front of Noah, "How are you doing, amigo?"

Noah nodded nervously, "Lucy said that mommy is poorly?"

"Mommy is a little poorly, yes, but we're going to sit down with you now and explain everything. Is that okay?" Barba said carefully. "You don't need to be afraid - it's just you, me and mommy. Unless you would like me to leave you both alone to talk for a while?"

Noah shook his head a little tearfully, "I like when you visit, Uncle Rafa."

Barba smiled and nodded, "Well, I'm going to be staying with you and your mommy for a little while - is that okay with you?"

Noah's eyes widened, "That's okay, Uncle Rafa. Are you going to look after mommy?"

"We're going to talk about that now, Noah, but I'm here for you as well. I'm here to help _both_ of you, okay?" Barba assured.

Noah nodded and held out his hand. Barba slipped his hand into Noah's and stood, then walked him around the corner to where Olivia was sat on the couch.

"Mommy!" Noah said excitedly when he saw that his mother looked just the same as always.

"Noah, my sweet boy!" Olivia beamed and then made a little _oof_ noise when he leapt up onto the couch and gave her a big hug.

"You're poorly, Mommy?" Noah asked, his little arms still around her neck.

Barba came and sat next to Olivia on the couch.

"Noah," Olivia started carefully, "…Mommy had an accident at work today. I banged my head really hard, and right now it seems as though my eyes didn't like that very much so they need a rest."

Noah turned and looked at Barba.

"Your Mommy is going to need lots of rest so that she has time to get better, so for a little while she is going to struggle to do certain things around the home. That is why I'll be here...to help both of you," Barba added.

Noah frowned thoughtfully, "Mommy, you cannot see me?"

Olivia's eyes welled a little but she controlled her tears in front of Noah. "Not at the moment, Noha, but I can still hear you, and touch you…and hug you!" Her arms wrapped around him tightly and Noah returned her hug.

"When will your eyes get better?" Noah asked after thinking things through for a minute or so.

"We don't know that yet," Olivia said tactfully, "…we're not sure _why_ my eyes have taken a break, but we're going to do everything we can to try and help them to work again."

"Like rebooting a computer?" Noah asked.

Olivia smiled, "I guess...a little like rebooting a computer."

"And until you're eyes are mended Uncle Rafa is going to stay for a long sleepover?" Noah confirmed.

"Is that okay with you, Noah?" Olivia checked.

Noah nodded, but then realised that his mommy was still waiting for an answer. "I'm nodding my head, Mommy," he explained helpfully, "…I like Uncle Rafa, he's my _favorite."_

Olivia smiled, she imagined that Barba looked a little shocked by that compliment, her friend had always seemed surprised by how much her son had taken to him.

"A few days of me helping your mommy to check up on your homework, send you to bed on time and ensure that you eat all of your greens and you might change your mind about that," Barba observed teasingly.

Noah turned and smiled at his Uncle Rafa, "Mommy does all of that every single day, and I _still_ love Mommy…"

"That is true," Barba agreed, genuinely touched by Noah's positive response to his arrival in his home.

TBC...


	4. Sleep

In the early hours of the morning, Barba woke to the sensation of something tugging on his shirt.

"Wh-what?" He murmured roughly as he rolled over.

"Uncle Rafa, I think mommy is poorly…" Noah's quiet voice whimpered softly.

Barba was awake immediately and sat up on the couch, before closing his eyes and trying to control a wave of nausea as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Poorly?" He asked as he dropped his legs to the ground.

"I heard mommy cry," Noah whispered nervously and tugged on his arm.

Barba nodded, "I'm going to need you to go back to bed, Noah. Can you do that for me?"

Noah frowned, "Mommy…"

"I would never let anything happen to either of you, you know that right?" Barba said calmly.

Noah threw his arms around him and held on tightly.

"I don't want you to worry, Noah. Maybe your mommy just had a bad dream. I'm awake now, so you can go back to sleep, okay?" Barba reassured.

Noah let out a long sigh and then Barba walked him back to bed. His heart was pounding a little nervously thinking about why Noah had heard Olivia crying – but he knew that he needed to take care of the little boy first. It was what Olivia would want.

"Into bed, that's right…" Barba tucked him in and then instinctively leaned to kiss his head, "…don't you worry, mommy is okay and I am here."

Noah nodded, "Goodnight, Uncle Rafa."

"Goodnight, little man," Barba smiled as genuinely as he could manage and then walked as quickly and calmly as possible out of the door.

He pushed open Olivia's bedroom door and found the room in darkness.

"Liv…" Barba whispered softly and shut the door behind him before he walked towards the bed in the soft moonlight.

"Rafael?" Olivia asked, her voice rough and timid.

"Noah woke me, he thought he heard you cry…" Barba said gently as he approached the bed.

Olivia sighed with frustration, "I upset him? I just…"

_"Shhhh…"_ Barba cut in quickly. "He's fine, he's back in bed, let's worry about you now."

Olivia reached out and felt his warm hand slip into hers, "I woke up - I found the bathroom…but walked into the bedframe on the way back," she sighed with a little defeat.

"Wait, did you hurt yourself?" Barba asked and reached for the bedside light.

Light flooded the room and Barba found Olivia sat on the bed with a first aid kit nearby. She was clearly trying to take care of it alone.

Barba frowned, "Let me see..."

She pulled back the comforter reluctantly and Barba found a Band-Aid attached slightly wonkily over a bleeding cut on her shin.

"Liv, you should have called for me…" Barba said with a little sad irritation as he automatically rested his hand on her foot.

Olivia felt her heart speed up at the contact and licked her lips. "I just…I thought it would be easier if I just…"

Barba reached over and picked up the kit, then began to carefully peel off the Band-Aid. He cleaned the cut, and then Olivia felt the unmistakable feeling of his breath on her leg when he bent to blow as he waited for her skin to dry. Then he applied a new dressing and absentmindedly stroked his hand down her leg.

His warm hand drifted down to her foot and then she felt three fingers press gently near her ankle. Olivia's breath caught and she reproached herself for allowing his touch to affect her. Her friend was trying to take care of her and she was getting turned on. She sobbed a little and then instinctively reached out to cover his hand with her own.

"You're upset?" Barba asked softly and turned his hand to link with hers.

She smiled weakly and shrugged, "Frustrated with myself," she paused and reassessed, "...or I guess with the situation in general."

"I'm here," he reassured sincerely.

"I know, I know…it's just..." Olivia said and felt tears of appreciation spring to her eyes again.

"You're a fiercely independent woman and you can't bare having to rely on someone else like this," Barba observed with a hint of sorrow in his tone.

"I...I guess I'm not used to being a burden. I mean, even when I was a child I pretty much looked after myself." She paused and then nodded, "You're right, I hate feeling that I have to rely on anyone...but that is absolutely no reflection on you, Rafael."

They sit in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, Barba showing no sign of getting up to leave.

"You can go back to bed...or back to _couch_...if you want..." Olivia said with a smile.

"Sorry, I can..." Barba started to move.

Olivia could have let it go but suddenly she couldn't bear to think of him assuming that she was trying to rush him to leave. "I didn't mean it that way." She paused and then added, "To be honest, I kind of hate it in here right now. I used to love lying in bed at night, but not being able to see... Everything feels dark around me, all the noises feel heightened, the time seems to pass slower than normal...even though I have no idea how much time is passing...and...well, ultimately I guess I've never felt so alone in my own company. Almost like I'm floating away."

Barba looked as surprised as he felt by Olivia's admission, he swallowed hard and then coughed in an attempt to hide his emotional reaction to her words.

"You know you're not really alone though, right? You have Noah and I...we're just outside," Barba said reassuringly.

"Intellectually, I guess I know that," Olivia nodded, "...but once the doors are closed and I almost _feel_ the lights go out my reality seems rather different."

Barba was silent for almost a minute, "Would you feel better if I slept in here for a few nights? Until you start to adapt..."

Olivia hadn't even thought to ask this of him, but suddenly the suggestion sounded extremely tempting.

"You really wouldn't mind?" Olivia asked. "I feel almost silly, but..."

"There's absolutely nothing silly about this, you have so much to adjust to right now, Liv. Nighttime can be hard for lots of reasons..." Barba observed softly and Olivia felt there was so much more behind that statement. "How about tomorrow I ask Fin to bring us a fold-up?" Barba suggested after a short pause.

A few tears did flow now and Olivia rushed to brush them away.

"Hey, I know the thought of sharing a bedroom with me is enough to make most people run for the hills, but there is no need to cry…" Barba said with light humor in his voice.

Olivia smiled through her tears, "I'm so grateful, Rafa. That would actually be _really _good."

"I'm going to sleep on the floor tonight. I'll just go out and check in on Noah, and then get some couch cushions and blankets," Barba explained and then stood.

She shook her head quickly, "You can't…"

"I've slept on worse, I can assure you of that," Barba promised and then she heard him walk quickly from the room. He returned less than a minute later and found Olivia sat on the bed with two of her pillows.

"Rafael?" She asked quietly.

"Noah is fine, fast asleep," Barba reassured as he walked towards her.

She smiled gratefully and ran her hand over the pillows, "These are spare, you can use these as well…"

Barba walked over and accepted them gratefully; he almost laid them on the floor but then glanced at her with a little embarrassment before arranging the rest on the floor and saving those for his head. When his makeshift bed was completed he walked over to shut the bedroom door and then turned off the light before lying down.

He was far from comfortable, but he'd be fine.

"You okay?" Olivia asked.

Barba smiled and ensured that he sounded genuine, "Good, it's like camping."

"You don't seem like the outdoorsy type, Rafael…and no _yachts_ do not count..." Olivia teased with a smile.

He laughed lightly. "I don't actually spend a lot of time on yachts, Liv. Rita has been a good friend over the years, and I try, but..." he paused and then sighed and continued, "...I guess sometimes I feel stuck between two worlds." He was silent for probably a minute and then added, "I have been camping, by the way," Barba argued with mock indignation.

"When you were about 8?" Olivia teased, surprised and intrigued to hear him opening up but not wanting to make a big deal of it and put him off.

Barba chuckled and then acknowledged, "Something like that…"

He was pleased to hear her laugh and then watched her hand reach over the side of her bed in the moonlight. Barba slipped his hand into hers and heard his friend let out a long peaceful sigh.

"This feels like a_ real _sleepover now," Olivia said after a minute or so.

Barba smiled and stroked his thumb over the back of her hand, taking a deep breath he actually felt calmed by her comforting scent surrounding him. "Want to play truth or dare?"

She chuckled softly and whispered, "Shut up, Barba."

"Charming..." He smirked, pleased and a little proud to hear how reassured she sounded. He knew that he wouldn't even attempt to get back to sleep until Olivia had drifted off.

"No one came to sleepovers at my place. I think…" Olivia said sleepily after about a minute, "I know it sounds juvenile, but I think you're the best friend I've ever had…" she paused and then added, "…no, I _know_ you are, Rafael."

Barba closed his eyes, his heart simultaneously warmed and bruised by her words. He smiled and laced his fingers with hers. "You too, Liv," he replied softly and then waited quietly for her to slip back to sleep.

* * *

The next morning when Olivia woke she said Barba's name quietly before cautiously climbing out of bed to find him already gone and the floor clear.

She picked up a brush from her bedside cabinet and stroked it slowly through her hair, thinking about the fact that she really needed to have a shower today…her heart clenched at the thought and she took a couple of deep breaths.

_I can do this,_ she thought determinedly and then stood. She felt the rug underneath her feet and curled her toes up. Repeating the cautious exploration of the evening before, Olivia made her way out and slowly down the hall.

"Mommy!" Noah said happily and then Olivia tensed when she unexpectedly felt his arms wrap around her legs.

"Hey, sweet boy…" She said unsteadily and braced herself on the wall as she ran her hand over his head.

Barba walked around quickly, ran his hand down her forearm and then laced their fingers together. "Be careful, Noah. Remember, Mommy can't see you right now so if you rush up quickly you might scare her a little." He smiled affectionately at Noah, to ensure that he didn't feel like he was being told off, and the little boy looked up at him and nodded.

"Sorry, Mommy…" Noah said and slipped his own hand into hers.

Olivia smiled, "That's okay, baby, I'm just a little jumpy at the moment…"

"How about some breakfast?" Barba suggested encouragingly.

"That sounds good," Olivia smiled and then felt both Barba and Noah walk forward with her. Barba brought her hand down to the back of a chair and ran her fingers along the frame.

"Okay?" He asked.

Olivia nodded then carefully sat down.

"We have French Toast, fruit juice, toast and honey…" Barba explained.

"You can definitely stay," she teased her friend.

Noah looked up at her with a broad smile, reassured that his mommy looked happy.

Barba laughed softly and then laid a plate on the table, "You have a plate of French Toast in front of you," then he slipped his hand back over hers and brought it carefully to her glass, "…and your juice here is, okay?"

Olivia nodded then squeezed his hand quickly before it slipped away.

"Would you like coffee?" Barba asked - she could hear his voice turn away, presumably walking back towards the kitchen area.

Olivia shook her head, "I'm already feeling a little…wired."

"You're sure that you're okay?" He checked with clear concern.

She could hear him walking quickly back towards her and she smiled and shook her head, "I'm good, Rafael - I promise."

His voice dropped level with hers and his hand stroked over her forearm, "I'm here."

Olivia smiled and nodded, "I know..."

"I'm here too, Mommy," Noah said happily and Olivia grinned.

"I know, Baby," Olivia smiled and as Barba's hand slipped away she carefully reached out and picked up her juice.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Olivia sat on her bed wrapped in a towel. Barba had walked her through to the bathroom and helped her to locate everything she would need - then she had managed to have a shower on her own and make her way back through to the bedroom.

But now she couldn't find her brush and had forgotten where her clothes were. A frustrated tear slipped down her cheek and then she sighed and called out, "Rafa!"

"Hi..." He said casually as he walked in but then quickly changed his tone to concern, "...what's wrong?"

Olivia smiled weakly, feeling a little ridiculous for crying, "I can't find my brush...or the clothes that you left out for me."

Barba walked over and sat next to her on the side of the bed, he reached over and picked up the brush from the bedside cabinet and then placed it onto the small pile of clothes that he retrieved from her pillow and passed them over.

Olivia smiled sadly and laid her hand on top of his.

"It's okay to get a little disoriented and confused you know, I can't even begin to imagine how I would cope with what you're going through," he said with reassurance.

Olivia nodded, clearly still frustrated.

"How about I go and clean up in the bathroom while you get changed, then come back in here and help you to dry your hair?" Barba suggested.

Olivia looked surprised, "I can..."

Barba cut in, "My mom broke her arm once and I had to help her for weeks, I promise I'm actually not bad!"

She laughed genuinely now, "Who knew ADA Barba has blow-drying skills?"

He chuckled and squeezed Olivia's hand before standing, "So far, only you and my mom - so you are sworn to secrecy!"

Olivia nodded and smiled broadly as she heard him walk away.

"Give me a shout when you're dressed..." Barba said before she heard the door shut softly.

As he shut the door he leaned on the frame, let out a sharp laugh and then ran his hand over his face with frustration. He loved his friend dearly and the last thing that he wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable...but it was going to take him a while to adjust to domestic living and that skimpy towel was just _killing_ him.

_TBC..._


	5. Storytime

Fin and Barba carried the fold-up bed through to Olivia's room and then started to set it up on the window side.

"I don't want to get in the way," Barba said with a smile but they both knew that it was to ensure that the floor remained clear for Olivia.

"How's she doing?" Fin asked as he kicked out the back legs and ensured that they were secure.

"Okay, considering…" Barba said with a shrug as he took some blankets off Olivia's bed and quickly made up the cot.

Fin nodded at the bed in question.

"I think it's a lot to cope with at night, I can see why having someone nearby would be reassuring," Barba explained simply and then nodded his thanks at Fin when he picked up two pillows and placed them on the cot.

"You're a good man, Barba," Fin observed with his own nod of thanks.

Barba shrugged as they walked towards the door, "I'm glad to help Liv in any way that I can and Noah's a great kid."

"What time is he getting home?" Fin asked.

Barba looked at his watch, "Soon, so I really need to do some dinner."

"You're well trained," Fin smiled with amusement and Barba laughed as they walked into the kitchen.

"He's worth his weight in gold," Olivia called back affectionately from the couch.

Fin smiled and nodded. "Listen, I'm going to get going," Fin said and grabbed his jacket from the back of a chair.

"You can't stay for something to eat?" Barba asked as he turned on the oven and then opened the fridge.

"Nah, next time though man," Fin replied sincerely, "…you guys have a good evening."

Barba nodded, "Thanks again for sorting out that bed."

Fin shook his head and lowered his voice, "Thank _you_ for looking after our girl, you need anything else you call me."

Just as Fin opened the door Noah rushed in.

"Mommy!" He greeted Olivia happily and then purposefully slowed down and walked over to move into her open arms.

"Hi, my sweet boy, is Lucy here?" Olivia asked.

"Lucy rode up in the elevator with me," Noah explained.

Noah hugged his mommy again, then Fin watched the little boy jump down when he saw Barba and rush over to wrap his arms around his legs.

"Uncle Rafa," he said excitedly, "Lucy's mommy says that she knows someone who teaches people to dance! I'd like to dance! Don't you think that would be fun?!"

Barba smiled down at the boy, pushed aside what he was doing and then bent to lift him onto the counter. "That sounds _amazing,_ Noah," Barba said enthusiastically and then smiled over at Fin who had paused by the door and was watching the two friends interact with interest. "Did you say hello to your Uncle Fin?"

Noah smiled and turned to look at Fin, "Hi, Uncle Fin! Did you know Uncle Rafa was staying with us? Don't you think that's great? Did you know about my mommy's eyes being poorly? Don't you think dancing would be fun? Are you staying for dinner?"

Fin smirked at Barba and raised his eyebrows, then looked back at Noah, "Erm…yes, I did. Yes, I do. Yes, but I'm sure your mommy's eyes will be better in no time. Yes, definitely. And…no, not this time, but I'll see you again real soon."

Noah blinked his eyes, grinned up at Barba and then turned back to Fin and laughed, "Uncle Fin, you're funny!"

"Your Uncle Rafa will back me up when I tell you that the key to asking really good questions is givin' folk the time to answer…so you can keep track," Fin smiled and walked over to rub Noah's hair. "I've really gotta be headin' out, you guys have a nice evening."

Fin held his hand up to Barba. "See you soon, Liv," he said to Olivia and then left.

Noah looked up at Barba and grinned, "I like Uncle Fin, he's funny…but you're still my favorite."

Olivia laughed from the couch and Barba lifted him off the counter and carried him over to sit with his mom for a while. "Well, Noah," he said with a smirk as he walked, "…then I'd say that you have _superior_ taste and judgement."

* * *

"I've had a great idea…" Barba said after dinner as he walked around from the kitchen area to where Noah and Olivia were sat in front of the TV.

"Something fun?" Noah said and bounced up onto his knees to look at him.

"I was thinking that we could all listen to an audiobook together!" Barba suggested.

Olivia smiled, "Rafa, we don't have to…"

"No, no…hear me out," Barba interjected, "…a few weeks ago you mentioned that Noah wanted to read Harry Potter with you, you wanted to get the first few books?"

Olivia smiled, surprised that he was listening properly, let alone remembered her mentioning that.

"So have you started?" Barba asked.

Noah shook his head, "We just finished my last book."

Barba nodded, "Okay, so I'll go online and download the first audiobook and we can all listen to it together. It'll be fun, I could even make hot chocolate and popcorn."

Olivia smiled, "Rafael, are you sure you want to spend your evening listening to Harry Potter?"

He shrugged, "I can't fault the company."

Noah bounced up and down, "Can we, Mommy? Can we?"

Olivia smiled and nodded, "Let's all get ready for bed first."

Noah jumped down from the couch and ran towards his room.

Olivia moved to her feet and started the slow and careful walk to her bedroom.

"Do you need any help?" Barba asked as he walked up behind her.

Olivia turned towards his voice and smiled, she reached out and instinctively found his forearm, "I'll be okay, can you check in on Noah? Make sure he cleans his teeth? If he tries to get out of it tell him he'll be brushing them again later _after_ the popcorn."

Barba smiled and nodded, "Once you're both sorted I'll go and get changed as well, I want in on this pyjama party."

Olivia smiled as she turned and reached out for the wall, in spite of everything she couldn't help but think how much she would miss this when her friend eventually moved back home.

* * *

Olivia felt a hand on her shoulder and startled.

"Hey…sorry…" Barba said softly, Olivia felt the couch next to her move as he sat down and then remembered where she was. They'd been listening to their audiobook!

"Rafa, I'm sorry…I fell asleep!" She sat up and reached out. "Where's Noah?"

Barba smiled with amusement, "You both fell asleep…within a few minutes of each other actually! I've paused the book; we can carry on listening another night."

"So where's Noah?" Olivia asked, relaxing a little.

"I carried him to bed and settled him in, I thought I should wake_ you_ though…I didn't want you to wake up and think someone was trying to run away with you!" Barba teased and then suddenly realised what he'd said. "Sorry, Liv…fuck, I don't know why I said that."

Olivia laughed softly and reached out to find his hand, "Hey, it's okay…the image of you carrying me to bed holds absolutely no association with _him,_ I assure you."

Barba smiled with relief and tried not to read too much into anything Olivia might be alluding to, "Good to hear."

"So…bedtime?" She asked.

Barba looked up at the time, "It's a little after 9…"

"We could have an early night?" She flushed a little at the accidental suggestion in her words and then quickly added, "I mean, read…or…" she stuttered realising what she'd said.

Barba smiled at how flustered she sounded and then stood up, taking her hand with him, "Let's have an early night, I've just started a law journal article about technological advancements and possible registry changes…I could read it out loud?"

Olivia stood and smiled, only a little embarrassed by the tears forming in her eyes, "That sounds perfect, thank you…"

"Seriously, Liv? What have I said to you about constantly thanking me?" Barba said earnestly but then squeezed her hand.

Olivia laughed, "Even if we do make it to 85, Rafael, I could never take our friendship for granted."

* * *

"So, Noah is out for a few hours," Barba walked into the living area the next morning, "...how about you and I go out for a while as well?"

Olivia winced, "Rafael, I'm not sure..."

"Listen, we don't know what is happening with your eyesight right now, but we do know you can't stay hauled up in this apartment indefinitely. It's not healthy, Liv," Barba said gently as he sat down next to her.

Olivia sighed and bit her lip.

"I'll be there next to you, every second. How about we start small? Get a cab down to the park to avoid the crowds and traffic, just go for a walk..." Barba suggested.

She reached out and rested her hand on his arm, "Okay...but we go at my pace, and if I want to come home..."

"We leave right away, of course..." He assured warmly and placed his hand on top of hers. "This is for you, Liv, you need some fresh air...I'm not trying to put you through an endurance test."

Olivia smiled and nodded, "Okay, Rafa, let's go for a walk."

* * *

Olivia climbed carefully out of the cab and rested on Barba's arm, even in this relatively quiet corner the new sounds and activity around her felt a little overwhelming.

"You're okay?" Barba asked as they began to walk.

She licked her lips nervously and then nodded.

"Whenever you want to leave just let me know, and if you want to take a break we'll find a seat,' Barba reassured and she smiled.

"You have endless patience, Rafael. I'm not sure that's a quality I would have always associated with you in the past," Olivia said with a smile.

"We're not in the courtroom, and I'm not having to deal with defence attorneys, that helps..." Barba said with a smirk as they slowly walked along. Then after a few moments added, "I would like to hope I've always treated you with a little more regard."

Olivia smiled and nodded, "Of course, maybe not always _patience_ though..."

Barba laughed, "You can drive me a little crazy at work..." he paused and squeezed her hand, "...but we're not at work now, are we?"

"No, we're not..." Olivia realised that she had actually started to relax, talking to Barba and enjoying the fresh air, "...it feels like a nice day, is the sky blue?"

Barba looked up at the sky and nodded a little sadly, "Blue sky, with a few cumulus clouds..." he looked around them, "...there are ducks on the pond, and children playing in a play area near some trees to the right."

Olivia nodded, "I can hear them..." she leaned into his side a little more, "...maybe one day we could bring Noah."

"He'd like that," Barba agreed.

"He loves having you around, Rafael, in spite of the circumstances - he thinks the world of you," Olivia observed.

Barba nodded but couldn't answer, feeling a little overwhelmed by the compliment.

"...We both do," Olivia added after a few seconds.

Barba couldn't help but turn and press his lips to her temple as they walked along.

* * *

After another hour of after-dinner Harry Potter, Rafael put Noah to bed and then walked out to find Olivia at the sink cleaning up their mugs.

"I could have done that," Barba observed as he walked up behind her.

"I need to get used to doing things like this for myself, you're not always going to..." Her voice trailed off, not wanting to acknowledge the two unspoken truths - her sight may never return and her friend was not going to be living here forever.

Barba picked up on the truth behind her words and reassuringly rested his hands on her shoulders from behind. "If it will make you feel better we can start working on you becoming comfortable doing more," he suggested.

Olivia nodded, "So much of my life is transformed right now, I miss the little things, you know?" She turned to face him and leaned back against the sink."

"Like what?" Barba asked.

"Sometimes I went swimming on my days off, or even before work if my shifts were..." she trailed off and Barba smiled, already hatching a plan.

"You can get all of that back," he observed sympathetically, "...you're eyesight could return any time."

Olivia nodded, "I know...but we don't _know."_

Barba noticed the pronoun and smiled. "We don't, but we'll keep going forward...and I'm not going anywhere until you throw me out, I promise."

Olivia smiled and nodded, "Have you got any more law articles to read me?"

Barba smirked and took the dishcloth from her hands, "Sure I do - feel like a little bedtime reading?"

She followed him toward the bedroom, giving herself a break by letting him guide her along, "You know how your legal ramblings send me to sleep," she teased softly, and this time they both knew that she was joking.

_TBC..._


	6. So Close

Olivia was led into a building the following morning and immediately recognized the scent of chlorine in the air. "Rafa, no…" she said nervously and gripped his arm tighter.

"The pool is empty, it'll just be you and me," he encouraged and squeezed her hand.

"How did you arrange all this?" Olivia asked, still unsure. She trusted her friend completely but this was a massive step.

"I'm an ADA, I have contacts," he quipped. "I'm going to walk you through to the changing area, then wait outside while you get ready. I'm already wearing my swimming trunks under my clothes, so I don't need to leave you alone…" Barba assured.

"I'm not sure," Olivia said nervously as he handed her a bag and held open the door to the changing room with his foot.

"Just try, I'm going to be there with you the whole time, I promise," he reassured.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Barba walked backwards down the long sloping steps of the pool holding both her hands and forearms securely, "Step…that's it…one more…take your time…" When they were about chest-deep in the water Barba stepped forward and moved his hands to her upper arms. "I want you to relax – I'm here. I'll walk backwards in front of you and guide you the whole time. Don't worry about the sides, just relax and listen to the sound of my voice."

Olivia nodded nervously.

"You might not be able to swim as fast as you normally would, but it's a start…" Barba assured calmly.

Olivia cautiously dipped down, lifting her legs a little and letting the water take her weight.

"You feel okay?" Barba asked.

She nodded.

"Now, you're at the end of the pool…you can just swim forward towards my voice…" Barba explained. "The water is at the same level all the way along, so if you need to have a break just stand up.

Olivia had already slowly started to swim forward, cautious about swimming into him.

"Don't worry about me, just relax…I won't let you swim into anything…" Barba coached calmly.

"This feels good," Olivia smiled, starting to relax.

"We're going to be coming to the end in a moment," he informed. When he saw Olivia's feet moving down to stand his hands came to her arms, "You just need to turn around and we'll start again.

They continued like this for about twenty minutes, Olivia building up her confidence as she listened to Barba guide her around the pool. Finally, she stood up and smiled, "Can we just relax in the water for a little while until we get out?"

Barba stepped closer, "Of course we can, do you feel better?"

"I feel really good, this has been fantastic, Rafael," her hand automatically reached out, but in place of the familiar warmth of his cotton-covered arm, she ran her hand over his bare skin. She traced the toned muscles of his forearm with her fingers and fought the desire to slide her hands up and step into his embrace.

"Any time," Barba assured. Now that he was no longer focused on keeping her safe, he was having to make a greater effort not to look at her body in the swimsuit. Of course, he knew that she was stunning…but he was increasingly finding himself in situations where he was floored by her beauty.

Olivia felt a little unsteady on her feet and held onto his arms, their closeness seemed more obvious under the water and she was unsure who had shuddered when Barba stepped closer to ensure that she was supported.

They spent a little time in the water, then Barba helped to walk her through to get changed. He changed on the opposite side of a partition. Physically aware of her presence the whole time and silently reproaching himself for having a reaction to her body under these circumstances.

* * *

When they arrived home, Olivia stood in the kitchen and sorted out their bags. When Barba walked through he watched her carefully putting their swimsuits and towels into the washing machine, putting in the powder and then turning it on.

"You won't be needing me soon," Barba teased lightly after a few seconds.

Olivia remained silent but grazed her teeth over her bottom lip nervously as she stood and turned to face him.

"Hey, I've already told you not to worry, I'm here until you tell me that you're ready for me to leave," Barba assured and stepped closer.

Feeling overwhelmed by his physical presence in front of her Olivia reached out and wrapped her arms around him, her face buried into his shoulder and she breathed in, "Thank you…thank you for everything, for today…for…"

Barba stroked his hands over her back, closing his eyes and taking a moment to enjoy being wrapped in her arms.

Olivia sniffed and then held him tighter, relaxing into his warm embrace and silently acknowledging that the fear of letting him go was more than merely insecurity due to her sight loss – she was coming to terms with the fact that she _never_ wanted to let him go.

"Rafael, I…" She started to speak against his shoulder but then suddenly heard her phone ring.

Barba reluctantly pulled back and turned to pick it up, then he placed the phone in her hand and stepped back. "I'll give you a few minutes," he said quietly and walked away, cursing himself for becoming so invested in their personal relationship when Olivia was clearly feeling so vulnerable.

Olivia took a moment to adjust to the cool air that surrounded her in his absence and then leaned back onto the kitchen counter and answered the phone.

* * *

Less than ten minutes later, Olivia stood sobbing in the kitchen. "I can't…I don't even know how to deal with this right now!" She pushed back against Barba's attempt to hold her and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Liv, calm down and breathe…then tell me _exactly _what Langan said," he tried to talk her through whatever the hell was going on. He'd heard a noise and what sounded like a heated conversation from the bedroom and had rushed through as Olivia was ending the call.

"Noah's maternal grandmother has filed for custody," Olivia inhaled sharply and felt her head spin. Barba put his hands on her upper arms and stepped forward, this time she dropped her head onto his shoulder and accepted his support. "I didn't even know, I couldn't even…how am I meant to challenge this right now?"

"Liv, you need to calm down a little for me…" Barba said firmly and brought his hands up to cup her face. He stood directly in front of her; his whole body seemed to infuse her with heat as she took a long deep breath. "Now, we need to walk this through, but remember I'm right here with you…and as well as being an excellent home-help provider I'm also a more than _adequate_ lawyer."

Olivia smiled reluctantly and nodded, her breathing was beginning to even out as she started to explain what Langan had told her.

* * *

Barba was soon on the phone himself, going over the details with Langan directly. "I want to meet with her," he told the other lawyer firmly.

"Barba, I'm not sure…" Langan began to argue.

"Well I _am_ sure," Barba said pointedly, "I need to talk to this woman in person before this whole thing gets out of control."

"At this stage, I'm not sure that your involvement…" Langan started.

"I know that you've been on this case from the start and I appreciate everything that you have done for Noah…and Olivia…but I assure you that my involvement in this situation is not up for debate," Barba replied sharply and Langan was silent. "Now, can you get in touch and arrange for us to meet with Sheila Porter?" He asked again.

"I'm sure I can…" Langan agreed reluctantly.

"Thank you," Barba replied in a tone that somehow seemed to be completely devoid of appreciation.

"Where would you like to meet with her, are you expecting me to be present?" Langan enquired.

"I think the first meeting should be as informal as possible, we don't want this woman to become defensive. Olivia and I will meet her alone at Olivia's apartment – I can ask the sitter to take Noah for a while," Barba instructed.

"You'll meet her there?" Langan checked.

"I'm staying here for a while," Barba explained succinctly, "…Olivia and Noah need a little extra support right now."

Langan was silent for a few seconds, "I didn't realise that the two of you were so _close_, Barba. I'm sorry if I was stepping out of line before…"

"Please, just get it done, Langan," Barba said sharply and hung up. He was aware that this wasn't really Langan's fault and that the lawyer was also making false assumptions about his relationship with Olivia, but right now he wasn't about to disabuse him of that.

He looked over at Olivia who was smiling at him sadly, she silently nodded her thanks.

"Why don't you go and have a lie down for a while? Noah will be home soon," Barba suggested.

Olivia shook her head and held out her hand for him, "My mind is racing, can we just sit and talk for a while?"

Barba smiled and nodded then moved over to take her arm and walk with her to the couch, "We can do that."

_TBC..._


	7. Progress

The next evening, Olivia woke on her bed feeling disorientated and with no idea what time it was. Neither she or Barba had slept much the night before. They had talked long into the evening, long after Noah had gone to bed, and then lay awake for hours afterwards trying and failing to reassure each other. She was surprised and grateful at how quickly this situation had become _their_ problem.

Lucy had picked Noah up from pre-school and as it was Friday they had arranged for her not to bring him home until later that evening. So by 3 pm, Olivia was exhausted and as Sheila Porter wasn't due until four-thirty Barba had suggested that she should go and lie down for a while until she arrived.

Olivia moved to stand and felt a wave of dizziness, she sat back down on the bed again for a few seconds with her face in her hands and then heard the sound of laughter down the hall. She stood, walked carefully over to the wall and then took a few cautious steps towards the door, for some reason the merriment on the other side of that door felt upsetting and confusing.

She could hear the sound of an unfamiliar voice chatting animatedly in the living area.

"So Ellie just sat there with a big old smile on her face and said, 'Mommy, I don't want to fly the plane, we're on vacation!'," the feminine voice finished genially and she heard the unmistakable sound of Barba's warm laugh.

Olivia formed an instant image in her head; the two of them sat on her couch, the lights were dimmed, and they each held a glass of wine and smiled affectionately at each other. The image that Olivia had in her head of Noah's 'grandmother' also transformed in an instant and she envisioned a beautiful woman with long golden hair and a bright smile.

Olivia walked carefully down the hall and stopped near the entrance to the living area.

"I can tell where Noah gets some of his sense-of-humor from. He's a funny kid, but kind as well…" Barba said amiably.

"I can't wait to meet him," Sheila replied and in Olivia's imagination, the woman reached across to rest her hand on Barba's thigh.

Barba hummed in agreement, "As soon as Olivia is up, I'm sure we can talk about…"

Olivia couldn't listen to any more, "As soon as Olivia wakes up _what?"_ She snarled angrily and then stumbled a little and held onto the wall as she stepped forward.

Barba dropped down his coffee and jumped up quickly from his side of the kitchen counter. He rushed towards Olivia, "Careful!" he cautioned as he arrived next to her.

"I'm not helpless, Barba!" Olivia snapped angrily but was infuriated to hear tears in her voice.

"I know you're not," Barba said with a placating tone, then reached out to touch her and was shocked to be pushed away.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Ms Benson. Rafael has been telling me about what a difficult week you've had, I'm so sorry…" Sheila started to speak as she stood up.

"Like hell! This is perfect timing for you, isn't it? I'm sure all you can_ see_ is my blindness and you think that you'll have no problem walking in here and taking whatever you want!" Olivia hissed tearfully and fumbled to navigate her way into the kitchen, her anxiety spinning out of control.

"Liv…" Barba said apprehensively and followed behind her, genuinely concerned that she could hurt herself.

"I don't want this woman in my home! I'm not sure that I want_ you_ here right now either, Rafael!" Olivia turned away and felt her frustration and fear continue to build.

"Rafael, I think I should leave," Sheila said with apparent empathy.

"Wait!" Barba said sharply, worried that they could be losing their one and only chance to try to negotiate with this woman, "Wait, just…"

"I'll be in touch, Rafael, I promise," Sheila said politely.

"Yes, don't worry, _Rafael,_ I have no doubt she'll be in touch!" Olivia seethed.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Liv?" Barba growled furiously. "Sheila is here to talk to you about _Noah!"_

Olivia sobbed now with obvious frustration; "I don't…" she swiped at the tears on her face, "…from where I was standing she sounded like she was more interested in talking to you. You didn't even wake me!"

"What's the matter with you, Liv? You sound like a crazy person right now!" Barba snapped with exasperation.

"I'm going to leave," Shelia interjected.

"You can leave with her if you want, Barba, go finished that glass of wine!" Olivia barked furiously.

Barba glanced at Sheila and shrugged with complete bewilderment, then looked back at Olivia, "Liv, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!"

Sheila picked up her bag and started for the door, "Call me another time, Rafael, maybe on a more suitable day."

The door banged closed and Barba looked at Olivia with pain, confusion and no small amount of frustration. "We arranged for Sheila to come by and talk about Noah…I think I was making some progress!"

Olivia laughed humorlessly, "I have no doubt, it sure sounded like you were making a lot of _progress."_

Barba was silent for several seconds and then Olivia tensed when she felt his hand on her waist, "Liv, you can't actually be suggesting that I was trying to _pick-up_ Noah's grandmother?"

Olivia tried to turn away from her friend and then shuddered when she felt him take a step closer.

"Olivia?" Barba asked again, more calmly now.

She fought back the tears swimming in her eyes and then gasped when she felt his hand slowly move up to touch her face and then slide down to her neck, his thumb stroked her cheek gently and she tried and failed to hold in another sob.

"Olivia…" He repeated gently and stepped even closer, his forehead came into contact with hers and they both breathed slowly. "I was only thinking of you," he assured softly and she felt his words waft over her lips, "…_only_ thinking of you and Noah. I thought if we got her on side…if we could just _talk_ to her…"

Tears slipped down Olivia's face and the whirlwind in her mind began to calm. "God, I wish I could see you," she whispered with quiet defeat.

Barba closed his eyes now and brought his hand back down to her waist, "You can, just breathe easy and relax…"

Olivia smiled, she forced slow and steady breaths between her lips and allowed herself to see his face in her mind, his eyes looking into hers unwaveringly. "I'm sorry..._fuck_...I messed everything up, didn't I? When I woke up I felt so disorientated. I got scared…frustrated…"

"I should have woken you with plenty of time to gather your thoughts before she arrived. I'm sorry, you just looked so peaceful sleeping on your bed and you hardly had any rest last night," Barba consoled regretfully. "I don't know what I was thinking. I thought if I talk to her on your behalf first, told her what a wonderful mother you are...but we can call Sheila again tomorrow, I'm pretty sure she'll come back another day," Barba reassured, his forehead still resting on hers.

"Tomorrow?" Olivia asked.

"I need to focus on you right now, _grandma_ can wait," Barba replied and she could hear the smile in his voice.

"What does she look like?" Olivia asked. She was finally allowing herself to relax completely and cautiously slipped her arms around his waist.

Barba smirked, "Attractive…" he paused and then added, "not 'Olivia Benson' gorgeous, but she's definitely an attractive woman."

Olivia felt her emotions well up again, "You didn't even have wine together, did you?"

He laughed softly, "Coffee…at the kitchen counter."

"I…" Olivia started to speak and then felt the sexual energy in the room begin to overpower her. "Rafa, I'm sorry…" She stepped even closer, "...I just saw red."

"You're feeling insecure?" He started to ask tentatively.

"I couldn't bear the thought of that woman coming into my home, trying to take my son and my...my..." she paused and shuddered, then leaned in to press her lips softly against his jaw, "...my..."

"Liv…" Barba whispered, his hot breath making the skin on her neck tingle.

"I want you…" Olivia said, she turned her head and brushed their noses together slowly, "I want you," she repeated.

"You've got me," Barba assured - one hand trailed slowly up her body and then his fingers combed into her hair.

"God, that feels really good," Olivia gasped. She tilted her head to the side and felt the vibration of his touch flow through her whole body. "You feel amazing…" she added, "…everything feels sensitised, every touch, every breath…"

"Your other senses are heightened," Barba said as he experimentally pressed his lips to her throat.

"No, it's you…_"_ Olivia argued breathlessly, breathing in his scent and then shuddering when his lips trailed lightly over her collarbone. "I'm _so_ in love with you," she whispered tearfully.

Barba paused and looked at her with caution, "Liv, I know that you're feeling vulnerable right now…"

"Not when I'm with you, I've never felt vulnerable with you. From the second you put your hands into mine at the hospital I felt secure," she assured.

"I just want you to be certain about how you feel…" Barba started to explain.

"I just want you to_ feel_ me," Olivia cut in and pressed her smiling lips against his warm, soft skin.

"I don't want to stand here groping you against the kitchen counter," Barba smirked against her cheek and then turned to kiss her lips for the first time.

"Rafael…" Olivia whispered tearfully against his mouth.

"Okay?" He asked tentatively and pulled back a little.

"I've wanted you for so long," she said with frustration, "I want to _see_ you."

Barba breathed in deeply through his nose and kissed her, "Te adoro."

Olivia clawed her fingers up his back and burrowed her face into the crook of his neck, his words and warm scent overwhelming her senses, "Oh God…" she gasped against his skin.

"I love you, Olivia Benson...and more than anything in the world I want you to be happy…but your body is pressed up against me right now and it's almost impossible for me to think clearly under these circumstances...so if there is even the smallest chance that I'm taking advantage of you right now I'm going to need _you_ to let me know…" Barba breathed his words out against her skin, almost in one long sentence.

Olivia laughed joyfully, "My sight is damaged, Rafael, but I know _exactly_ what I want."

_TBC..._


	8. Consummation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much in the way of story to be found in this chapter! 😆

Barba's hands smoothly slid down to her thighs and pulled Olivia up into his arms with a strength that made her gasp and wrap her arms around his neck.

"God, Rafa!" She gasped and laughed as he turned and quickly walked her back toward her bedroom.

"It feels like I've wanted to do this forever…" Barba said as he carried her up to her bed and then placed her softly down on the bedding.

Olivia grinned and stretched back, "I'd give anything to be able to see you right now."

"Are you sure you feel comfortable to do this?" He asked anxiously.

"In your arms? Rafael, I've _never_ felt safer…" Olivia assured a little tearfully.

Barba nodded, suddenly overcome by her faith in him. "Can I…?" He asked as he leaned down and Olivia felt his warm breath on her neck. His lips trailed slowly down her throat and Olivia felt every trace of his journey deep inside her core.

"Please…" She smiled and turned her head to the side encouragingly.

His lips descended down to the tapered v in her t-shirt. She gasped when his tongue flicked out and tasted her skin, then his nose nuzzled between her breasts and breathed in deeply.

"Rafa…" Olivia moaned, her whole body arching up against his as she bit her lip.

Barba's hands tugged her shirt up, his lips trailing along her stomach slowly and then tongue flicking out into the indentation of her belly button. "How far do you want this to go? We can just…" Barba started to ask, his mouth now working leisurely along the line of Olivia's pants and creating goosebumps all over her body.

"...Time is it?" Olivia gasped breathlessly and ran her fingers into his soft hair.

After a brief pause (and an intolerable moment when he moved the heat of his body away from hers) Barba returned and kissed her lips lazily, "6, so we have…"

"Three _whole_ hours," Olivia finished and combed her fingers into his hair again, "…make love to me, Rafa."

"Dios…" Barba whispered and began to slowly tug up her shirt again. "Sit up a minute, mi alma?"

Olivia's breath caught at his words and she sat up, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing the side of his face before having to break away and lift up her arms so that Barba could remove her shirt. She felt his hands hover over her bra and reached back to encourage him, unclipping and then groaning when he began to trail kisses down her neck as he slipped it off her arms.

"You're fucking perfect…" he whispered hotly against her shoulder.

"I'm…" Olivia started to argue tearfully and was stopped with two fingers on her lips - her mind raced back to the first time he had done this at the hospital, then she smiled and did what she had longed to do then, kissed his soft skin.

"You're _perfect…"_ Barba repeated softly and Olivia swore that she could hear tears in his voice.

Any response was lost when Olivia felt the incredible heat of his tongue lick the underside of her left breast.

_"Ohhh..."_ Olivia gasped and clawed her nails over her sheets desperately. Then she felt Barba's own hands tug them loose and his fingers lace with hers, bracing them either side of her head. "Raf..." She breathed out and then reared up against him when his lips encircled one taut nipple. Olivia's mouth felt dry and she licked her lips, squirming on the bed restlessly when he grazed her sensitive nub with his teeth and then bit down lightly. His hot breath sent a cold shudder through her body when it blew over her saliva wet skin and Olivia gripped his hands so tight that her nails dug tiny crescents into the back of his hands. He quickly moved onto the other breast and she sighed rocking up towards him and dropping her head to the side.

She could see him in her mind, the lips she had fantasised about licking, sucking and biting her skin - she longed to see him for real, doing all the things to her body that she had only ever dreamed of.

"We'll have two first times," Barba assured roughly, as though he could hear her thoughts as his mouth moved hungrily over her belly again, "...now...and then again later...when you can _watch_ me savour you."

Tears sprang to Olivia's eyes, she wanted to believe him. She bent to kiss his forehead... She didn't have his faith right now, but she definitely had faith in him...and in _this_...and for now that was more than enough.

His hands moved to her denim jeans; he unfastened quickly and tugged them down her legs, making her laugh nervously when he took her underwear with them and left her lying completely naked beneath him.

_"Rafael…"_ Olivia gasped awkwardly.

He moved back up to her mouth and kissed her slowly, his tongue sliding along her lips and then slipping inside when she moaned.

Olivia's hands came up to comb into his hair and she eased into his kiss, luxuriating in the feeling of his fully clothed body pressing heavily against her naked form. She lifted her legs up on either side of his waist and flattened her feet on the bed, arching up and groaning as his tongue slid along hers and explored her mouth eagerly.

"You taste amazing," Barba observed with a smile as his lips trailed over her cheek, then nuzzled under her ear and breathed in deeply, "…and you smell delicious."

Olivia laughed and ran her hand down to his ass, rolling her hips against him and feeling his cock straining against her core. "Oh, fuck…Rafa…" She almost growled and tried to draw him closer.

He hummed into her throat and then pulled up to look at her, he smiled and then slowly peppered light kisses over her face. "You don't _ever_ have to worry about me, Liv, I'm yours. Don't you know that I would do anything for you?"

Olivia sobbed and scratched the nails of one hand over the back of his neck before moving to cup his face and press her lips to his. "Okay...never leave me?" She suggested tearfully.

Barba smiled in wonder at her doubtful expression, she was clearly unsure if she was asking too much of him. His eyes glowed as he kissed her, _"Never,"_ he vowed solemnly and then started his journey back down her quivering body. He licked down the hollow of her throat, then slowly down her sternum, nipping and suckling her flushed nipples again before trailing south and bypassing her core temporarily on the way to her legs. Then he sat back on his knees and gently lifted her left leg onto his shoulder, bending to run his lips leisurely up the inside of her thigh.

"God, Rafa..." Olivia groaned.

His lips left a hot wet trail down to the crease at the top of her thigh and Olivia held her breath when she felt him breathe in deeply.

"Sure this is okay?" His voice vibrated against her skin near her clit and for a second she thought that she was actually going to come. "Liv?" He asked with concern and looked up at her face over the plains of her body.

Olivia smiled tearfully, "Rafa, I feel like I'm going to implode..._please_...you're killing me here..."

She felt Barba's teeth as he smiled against her skin and then gasped when his tongue swiped along the outside of her folds, the tip brushing her clit lightly.

_"Jesus..."_ Olivia hissed and rolled her hips up towards his face.

Barba smiled, "You have no idea what it does to me," he murmured roughly, "...watching you react like this to my touch."

Olivia ran her hand down and combed her fingers into his hair, "I've wanted you for so long..."

He groaned, burying his face into her core and breathing in deeply before finally holding apart her thighs with his firm hands and licking eagerly through her soaking folds before sucking her clit between his lips.

Olivia gripped his hair in her fingers and growled; sensory stimulation and teasing had been holding her on the edge for so long that his hot lips on her clit immediately sent her over the edge. Sex can be partly performative, she often found herself making the right noises at the right moment, encouraging her lover and reassuring them that she was having a good time - but these sounds were being torn from her throat, completely involuntary responses to _him_. _"Fuck...Rafa!"_ She gasped, her orgasm more powerful than recent memory and they'd hardly even started yet.

Before she had even recovered she felt one of his fingers slide into her welcoming core. "God..." she rolled her head on the pillow sounding almost in pain.

"More?" Barba asked almost silently against her skin, causing her clit to pulse under his hot breath.

"More...more..." Olivia keened emotionally. _God, always more, _she thought and moved her hands down to grip and tug fiercely on her comforter.

A second finger slid home and curled inside her, causing Olivia to clench her teeth and hiss. His lips surrounded her clit and played gently and soothingly with the sensitized flesh. "Good?" Barba asked tenderly as he withdrew his fingers and then returned three.

_"God..."_ Olivia cried out and sobbed, a tear slipping down her cheek as his free arm came up to wrap around her thigh and hold her securely.

His fingers curled again and then slowly withdrew; he caressed her clit, his lips sucking and tongue flicking deliberately as his digits pumped into her and she felt a second even more powerful orgasm swell. "Rafael..." she gasped and thrust up towards him urgently as she came undone.

Olivia breathed heavily and reached to comb her fingers through his hair as Barba slowly ascended her body; kissing, licking and nibbling her skin in a slow exploratory journey while she recovered. His lips finally arrived against her own and she immersed herself in a languid kiss - tasting herself at first and then finally just _her_ Rafael; hot, hungry and searching as she continued what she was starting to believe would be a lifelong exploration of his body.

After several long minutes, she finally dug her nails into his shirt and tugged. A smile broke out against his mouth as she murmured, "Rafa, you're wearing far too many clothes..."

He grinned in return and then nipped her bottom lip teasingly, "I wanted to pace myself."

She pulled at the garment with unconcealed frustration, "I'm finished with patience, mi Amor, all I've needed for _days_ is to feel your skin against mine," Olivia's hands moved down to tug up his shirt eagerly, "...actually, days might be minimising a little...or a lot..."

"Liv..." Barba moaned against her neck, clearly feeling overwhelmed.

Olivia moved carefully to sit upright, encouraging Barba up next to her on the bed as she lifted his shirt over his head, then buried her face into the crook of his neck before slowly trailing her lips down and along his clavicle. Her hands reached lower and tugged at his belt. "I want these off too..." she instructed.

"Suddenly you're_ so_ demanding," Barba teased breathlessly, feeling joyfully overwhelmed and lost in the moment as he turned and fell back against the bed, his head hitting the pillow.

Olivia moved to follow him cautiously, her hands reaching out searchingly on either side of his body, suddenly a little unsure of her barings.

Within seconds, Barba had sat back up and wrapped his arms around her, holding her securely and stroking his hands up and down her soft back. "I'm sorry," he assured gently, "...you're in the middle of the bed and you're _safe._ I promise I won't ever let you fall."

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes and she nodded, "Yes, okay...I know..." she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his shoulder, "...I know..."

"How can I make this easier for you?" He asked earnestly.

"Hold me close," Olivia reassured with a smile, "keep me close and don't let go."

"I can _definitely_ do that," he confirmed happily.

Olivia smirked, "Although, maybe lose the pants first."

He chuckled and then nodded, he kissed her quickly and then moved away. "One second..." he assured and then stood by the bed.

She listened to the sound of his pants dropping to the floor and then felt the weight of his knees on the bed as he returned.

_"Everything..."_ she instructed firmly. His weight redistributed for a second and then Olivia lay back a little as she felt him return. His lips pressed to the centre of her chest lightly and almost reverently. "Can you lie back? In the middle of the bed? I want to touch you..."

Barba kept her in his arms as he turned a little self-consciously and lay on his back. Olivia moved to her side next to him, propping herself up on one arm and then bringing her free hand up to the side of his face, "I know you so well, you're so familiar to me, I almost feel like I can see you..."

"You've never..." He paused, not sure if what he was about to say would hurt her feelings.

She smiled, "I know I've never seen you naked..." she brought one leg up over him and leaned in to kiss down from his Adam's Apple and to his chest, "...but I _have_ seen you vulnerable...and God, I've imagined this..." Her hand trailed down his body and wrapped around his shaft, biting her lip at the heat of his ample and broad length in her hand.

Barba breathed in deeply through his nose and tried to stop himself from thrusting up, "Dios...Liv..." he almost sobbed.

Her nose nuzzled against his side and then she licked, tasting his skin and humming with satisfaction. He groaned and felt a rush of fire through his whole body. She moved to slowly straddle his waist and smiled when his hands came up to instinctively hold her hips reassuringly.

"I have you," he whispered a little breathlessly.

"I_ know_ you do..." She replied with absolute confidence and then began to slowly kiss down his chest, tracing the soft hairs with her lips and seeing his beautiful body in her mind.

He gasped and closed his eyes when her lips encircled the head of his cock and her hand wrapped firmly around the base. She sucked lightly and then pushed down a little further, humming and almost purring with satisfaction.

"Erm...no, God, Liv! I can't take _that_ right now!" He gasped with obvious panic and pulled back. He sat up to kiss her lips eagerly and gripped into her hair.

Olivia smiled against his mouth, "Another time?"

He let out a sharp laugh and nodded, "Definitely..._definitely_ another time." He paused for a second and then asked, "How do you want to do this? What would make you comfortable?"

She smiled, wondering how often Rafael Barba had asked her a variation on this question over the last few days, constantly looking for any way to fulfil her needs.

"Can you be on top? I want to feel surrounded by you..." Olivia asked and kissed him again, she couldn't imagine how she was ever going to stop kissing him now.

Barba nodded, "You wouldn't feel safer in control?"

Her eyes welled and she shook her head, "I don't need control with you, Rafa."

He wrapped his arms around her securely and turned, laying Olivia back in the middle of the bed. Her legs fell open and he lay between them, groaning when he felt his shaft line up and slide along her wet core.

"You feel amazing," Olivia sobbed and reached back to grasp the headboard.

He nuzzled along her nose and pressed a kiss to her lips, then drew her hand away and linked their fingers on her pillow. "We can still wait...wait until..." Barba checked one last time.

"I _can't_ wait any longer, sweetheart," Olivia said and thrust up against him, gasping when she felt his wide head naturally line up with her entrance.

His free hand slipped around her waist and Olivia held her breath.

"I don't have any..." Barba suddenly whispered against her lips.

"I trust you, Rafael. I've never...I want to feel you...only you...children aren't..." she paused and then finished, "...an issue." Olivia confirmed and gasped when he kissed her and she felt him push the first couple of inches home. _"God, Rafa..."_

He brushed over her lips lovingly with his own and then pulled back and pushed forward again, "Dios...I've never..." the feeling of pushing inside Olivia, with nothing between them, made his head spin.

Her legs came up around his waist to encourage him deeper, his width stretching her as he drove into her core.

Olivia gasped and smiled, "You feel amazing..."

"God, yes..." Barba agreed, he paused briefly to kiss her lips and encourage her tongue to dance with his. Then pulled back and thrust one last time, finally sinking _completely_ inside her as his face buried into her shoulder.

_"Fuck..."_ Olivia groaned, her teeth grazing his skin as she tried to catch her breath. She couldn't remember ever feeling this full, she'd certainly never felt this overwhelmed.

"Okay?" He asked.

She smiled, "I love you...so much..."

Barba rolled his hips and she groaned when his pelvis rubbed against her clit, "God, Liv..."

Olivia felt her focus zero-in on everything around her; his warm weight on top of her body, the feeling of his fingers still laced with hers on her pillow, his other hand tucked underneath pulling her close, his lips leisurely meeting hers in between heavy breaths and words of love and devotion, the wet slap of skin on skin as his thrusts increased in power and speed...it was_ all_ perfect.

Then suddenly she felt her core begin to coil again and gasped. She honestly didn't expect this to happen, this wasn't the best position for her and she was just happy to enjoy his body, but she gripped into his shoulder and groaned as he ploughed assuredly, feeling a third and powerful orgasm build.

"I'm..." He gasped breathlessly.

Olivia's teeth bit down on his shoulder and she groaned and nodded.

Finally, Barba drove deep and held still, grinding against her clit as he emptied himself deep inside her body and brought her over the edge with a shudderingly powerful orgasm.

As they both tried to form a lucid sentence, Olivia felt Barba pull up and kiss her lips, his tongue dancing with hers lightly as their breaths blended.

He eventually slipped out of her body and rolled them to lie on their sides with a deep sigh.

"Wow..." Olivia whispered against his lips, their bodies and limbs tangled languorously.

"Wow?" Barba asked and kissed her, a clear smile in his voice.

"I knew we'd be good...but..." she smiled and then repeated, _"...wow."_

Barba grinned and snuggled against her throat sleepily. "I love you," he whispered and Olivia shivered at the emotion in his voice.

Assuming that she was cold he reached over to pull the comforter over and cover them.

"Noah..." Olivia whispered softly.

"We have half an hour, I'll get up and have a shower in a minute and then put him to bed...tell him that you had an early night," He murmured happily against her skin.

Olivia smirked, "That's not a lie."

"I just want five-minutes right here," Barba said contentedly and took a deep breath.

She leaned and kissed his temple - _damn, she loved him._

Less than five minutes later, Olivia groaned a little petulantly when she felt Barba reluctantly slip out of her arms and climb out of bed.

_TBC..._


	9. On Your Side

As Barba's warmth evaporated Olivia soon became restless lying alone in bed, within five minutes she slipped out from under the sheets and felt around for her t-shirt and shorts – the nightwear which she discovered had somehow remained concealed under her pillow despite the activities of the last couple of hours.

She stood and walked carefully towards the bathroom, she used the toilet and then dressed in her sleepwear before she walked over to the sink to find her toothbrush and paste. Olivia could hear Barba humming quietly to himself in the shower and smiled as she applied the paste to her brush and then started to clean her teeth.

Just as she finished she heard Barba step out of the shower behind her, after a few more seconds he brushed her hair to one side and nuzzled into her neck as his arms wrapped around her from behind.

"You are _so_ beautiful," He whispered softly and kissed under her ear.

Olivia felt herself flush a little, "Such a romantic..." She teased lightly and covered his hands with her own, putting down the brush and leaning back into his embrace.

"It's in my blood, mi amor,…" Barba joked, then paused and kissed her shoulder, "…besides, you inspire me."

She turned in his arms, then ran her fingers over his eyebrows and down his nose before leaning in to kiss each of his cheeks softly, "Te quiero con todo mi corazón," she whispered and rested her forehead against his.

"How did I get this lucky?" Barba asked with awe in his tone.

Olivia raised an eyebrow, "From where I'm standing, I'd say that I'm the lucky one."

He kissed her again and then pulled back regretfully, "I can't allow myself to get distracted by you right now, Liv, Noah will be home soon."

Olivia smiled, "Your dedication to my son is kind of sexy..."

Barba took her hand in his and laced their two outer fingers together lightly, "Why don't you go back to bed, cariño? It's almost 9 so I shouldn't be long."

Olivia followed him back through to the bedroom and listened to Barba rummage through a bag to find some clothes.

"That bottom drawer filled with bedding could probably fit into my window seat if we had a clear out," she observed, trying to sound casual as she made her way over to the bed and climbed in.

He was quiet for a few seconds.

"I mean, you could move the drawer up a bit higher as well," she suggested a little nervously, "…I'm not suggesting that you be relegated to the bottom drawer,"

His smiling lips suddenly brushed over hers lightly and she startled a little.

"Sorry, you just looked _so_ hot sitting there getting all tongue-tied," Barba kissed her again and then pulled back.

"I didn't want you to feel like I was rushing you, or…" she started to explain.

Barba laughed, "There are people who would sell their souls for a mere corner in one of your bedroom drawers, Liv."

She flushed a little and laughed, a little flustered by his compliments, "Shut up, Rafael!"

"I won't be long, but don't wait up for me," Barba said softly, and then Olivia heard the bedroom door open and close.

* * *

What felt like only a few minutes later, Olivia stirred when she heard the door open and close again.

Then stillness.

"Rafael?" She asked with a slight frown. Then suddenly Olivia realised exactly what was happening and could almost see her friend glancing uncertainly at his cot. _"Barba,_ get your ass into bed…" she smiled and turned towards him, lifting the bedding.

He chuckled, "I guess I just didn't want to assume…"

"That I've been lying here thinking about how wonderful your body feels against mine? I repeat, get your ass into this bed!" Olivia directed playfully. She heard the sound of clothes quickly being removed and then felt the bed dip.

Barba climbed into bed and as Olivia turned away she sighed happily as he spooned up behind her.

"I could get used to this," Barba hummed against her shoulder.

"Please do...," Olivia ran her palm down his forearm, linked their hands and then brought his fingers up to her lips, "...you're extremely cuddly."

Barba huffed a little against her neck and laughed, "You make me sound like a teddy bear, Liv."

She turned a little and kissed him, "But you're so cute, Rafa…_OUCH!"_

Barba smirked.

"You actually _pinched_ me!" Olivia laughed.

Barba wordlessly kissed her neck and snuggled back down behind her. They were silent for several minutes, then finally he whispered, "Goodnight, Olivia."

Olivia wiggled down the bed a little, snuggling back against him, "Goodnight, Rafael."

They silently lay together for at least half-an-hour, just enjoying being in each other's arms. At one-point Barba's hands gently tugged up Olivia's shirt and he slipped it over her head. Then he moved back against her, skin on skin, his palm resting affectionately over her sternum.

* * *

When they woke in the morning they had naturally drifted apart during the night, but before Barba had even opened his eyes he breathed in the familiar warmth of Olivia's scent, smiled and rolled over, his face pressed against her back.

"Hey…" Olivia hummed contentedly.

He kissed up her spine and replied, "Hey..." then after breathing in again he murmured, "Good mornin', mi amor."

Olivia turned to face him, then gasped when he moved down her body and she felt his lips trailing over her belly. "How good?" Olivia asked suggestively.

Barba opened one eye, after letting his sight adjust he looked at the clock and then nuzzled back against her soft skin, "It _is_ only 5am…"

"You know what I hate?" Olivia asked.

"Hate?" Barba was confused by the question given their intimate position.

"Showering on my own…" Olivia tried to sound teasing, but genuine insecurities filtered through to her tone.

"Oh, Liv…" Barba said sadly. He encouraged Olivia to roll onto her back and moved up to kiss her lips. "Why on earth didn't you say anything?"

She sighed and shook her head, "It sounded silly…such a simple everyday thing. But it's so disorientating, and everything feels like an accident waiting to happen…the cold smooth surfaces, the sounds echoing off the walls…if my feet slip, even an inch, a can't…I can't…"

Barba let out a long breath and closed his eyes. He hated the thought that he'd overlooked something that was obviously causing Olivia genuine anxiety. He'd tried so hard to put himself in her shoes as much as possible, well aware that her natural independence might make her reluctant to ask for help. Why hadn't this even crossed his mind? _"Shit…"_ he hissed frustratedly.

"Hey…hey…I didn't say this to make you feel bad…" Olivia rushed to reassure him. She turned to lay on her side so they faced each other, her legs linking with his.

"I should have thought…" he paused and trailed his fingertips down the side of her face, "…and _you_ should have said something," his second comment sounded more irritable than Barba had intended and he leaned to kiss her temple affectionately.

"I had to learn to deal with it on my own, Rafael. What was I meant to say? Getting into the shower alone terrifies me, any chance that you feel like jumping in and helping me wash my hair?" Olivia teased, hoping to lighten the mood.

Barba smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips, "I think we both know that I would have been more than amenable to that solution."

Olivia grinned before trailing her lips to his ear, "Well, I do now."

He laughed, "Trust me - if you put out a request for people to assist you in the shower I think the queue would stretch to Staten Island in less than an hour." He moved into her embrace, his face nuzzling into Olivia's throat.

She laughed and pinched his side, "I think you overestimate my appeal…but I don't want people, Rafa, I want you."

Barba smiled.

"Although, I was thinking maybe a bath…?" Olivia wrapped her arms around him sleepily, nuzzling into his hair.

Barba kissed along her shoulder, _"Mmmmm_…that does sound really good."

"Now…" Olivia clarified, "Noah never gets up before 6am."

Barba immediately started pulling back to sit up and Olivia laughed, "You like that idea, I assume?"

He ran his hand down her arm as he stood and linked his fingers with hers, encouraging Olivia to get up and follow him. When they were both standing Barba rested his hands on her hips and leaned in to kiss her smiling lips.

"Come with me," he said with an enticing smile in his tone and guided her towards the bathroom.

Once inside he wrapped a large soft towel around Olivia's shoulders to keep her warm and kissed both of her palms before stepping away and working quickly to start filling the tub. He found some bubbles and bath oil, looked at them both for a second and then selected the oil and generously poured it in.

Leaving the water to fill he turned back to Olivia. He delicately slipped down her pyjama shorts and she stepped out of them and kicked them away before he rested his arms around her waist, his fingers tracing over the base of her spine and causing her to bite her lip over a groan.

As he kissed along her shoulder and then up her neck Olivia hummed and relaxed against him, enjoying the heat quickly permeating into the cold room and breathing in the scent of lavender and chamomile, mixed with notes of Rafael - her new favourite scent combination.

After a minute or so he turned his head to step away. Olivia heard the water slosh when he checked the temperature and then felt his hand in hers again, "How about you get in first and then I'll climb in behind you?" He suggested.

Olivia nodded and followed his lead, climbing in with a brief wobble but then relaxing into his supportive arms and moving to sit down.

Seconds later, Barba had slipped off his boxers and then the water moved up a little higher when he climbed in and slipped his legs down either side of her body, wrapping his arms around her waist and sighing when she leaned back against his chest.

Their bodies relaxed into the warmth, sliding their hands smoothly over whatever skin they could reach. Olivia ran her hands over his legs and then reached one back to stroke the side of his face. "I've felt reassured by your presence since that first day in the hospital, but right now…I actually feel completely at peace."

Barba turned his head and kissed her palm, still shocked and incredibly moved by her complete faith in him, none of his career or life goals could exceed this feeling.

"I've spent most of my life trying to prove myself worthy; to my father, to my broader family, to my peers, to my colleagues, sometimes even to my friends…" Barba smiled softly and kissed along her shoulder and back.

Olivia could hardly bear to hear this and shook her head angrily. She rested her hands over his and turn to press her lips firmly to his jaw, "You should never have needed to prove yourself to anyone, Rafa."

Barba smiled, kissed behind her ear and replied softly, "I'll never need to anymore, _Olivia Benson_ loves me…"

She smiled and lifted one of his hands to her mouth, pressing her lips to his fingers, "You are so easy to love, Rafael. I always respected your tenacity, I was fascinated by your intellect, over the years I became impressed by your fearlessness…but above all else, I was _enchanted_ by your heart."

His hand slipped away from her grasp and slowly trailed down over her chest and belly before slipping between her legs, "Te amo..." he whispered softly into her ear and then brushed his lips over the shell as two fingers lightly traced her clit.

"Rafa…" She gasped and then reach down to cover his hand with hers.

Barba smiled and turned his head to kiss her temple as his free hand stroked up her wet body and moved to cup her breast, running his thumb over her nipple and causing her to moan. "You don't have to…" Olivia started to say, her hand reaching back to comb into his damp hair.

Barba chuckled and nuzzled into her neck, "Mi amor, I'm always going to _want_ to touch you."

Olivia turned to meet his lips, smiling against his mouth before kissing him slowly, "...And I'll never want you to stop, nothing has ever felt this natural." She gasped and arched back against him, "That's perfect…"

He smiled and kissed along her jaw, circling his fingers quickly over her clit and moving his arm down from her breast to wrap around her waist securely as she gasped and came apart in his arms.

After about a minute Olivia sighed and turned to trace her hand down his chest, "What about you?"

Barba smiled and sat up a little, ignoring his own reaction to her body, "This is about you, Liv, how about you sit up a little and let me wash your hair?"

* * *

Barba had just finished rinsing Olivia's hair when they heard movement outside.

"Mommy? Uncle Rafa? Are you still in bed?" Noah's sleepy voice asked from behind the locked door.

Barba smiled and kissed Olivia's neck, "I've just had a shower, Noah. I'm going to run a bath for your Mommy, then I'll be out to help you in a few minutes…" he lied smoothly and Olivia smirked.

"Okay, Uncle Rafa…can I put on the TV?" Noah asked.

Olivia grinned and then bit her lip to control a gasp as his teeth grazed over her neck before he moved to stand.

"For a few minutes, Noah," Barba replied as he climbed out from behind Olivia and stepped out of the tub, "…when I come out to make your breakfast it's time to turn the TV off, okay?"

"Okay, Uncle Rafa!" Noah called back happily and then scampered down the hall.

"You're so good with him," Olivia observed affectionately. She'd had to force herself to remain quiet, not wanting to have to explain (if her son had even thought to ask) why she was in the bathroom when Barba had just got out of the shower.

Barba reached back for her hand and Olivia enjoyed the feeling of being supported by his strong arms. She stood and stepped out to his side, then smiled as he wrapped a warm towel around her and then passed one for her hair. She wrapped her hair in the towel and then they walked back through to the bedroom.

"Right, you're standing at my side of the bed," he described helpfully as he quickly walked over, picked up a pile of clothes and then placed them down next to her. "The clothes that you picked out yesterday are here ready for you." He hurried to remove a towel from his waist, drying and then starting to dress as he talked. "I'm going to go and quickly clean up the bathroom, I'll make sure that you have everything you need by the sink and that your hairbrush is next to the hairdryer. Then I'll sort out Noah and go to start our breakfast. I'll make sure the floor is dry in the bathroom, so don't worry about anything, okay?"

Olivia nodded, she reached out to run her hand over the pile of clothes next to her and then smiled a little tearfully. It surprised her how being looked after by someone who loved her didn't feel at all like weakness.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Barba asked with concern.

Olivia didn't know where to start with how wonderful everything he just said sounded to her, so she just laughed weakly and shrugged, "I guess I just kind of love that this is now _your_ side of the bed."

_TBC..._


	10. Pancake Saturday

Half-an-hour later, Olivia walked out toward the kitchen and smiled when she heard the relaxed chatter between Noah and Barba. She had always found their developing relationship a joy to behold, but this was the first time she could allow herself to imagine that they _all_ had a future together.

It gave her great happiness to know that she had fallen in love with a man that her son already loved and respected, and in her heart, she knew that Noah would welcome him into their family.

She walked around the corner toward the sweet aroma of pancakes and syrup, then immediately heard Barba step over to her. His hand slipped into hers, ostensibly to direct her to her seat, but unlike other mornings Olivia felt no qualms about lifting her free hand to his forearm and caressing up and down tenderly as they walked over to the table.

Barba tightened his warm grip on her hand in recognition and she felt his lips press to her temple as she sat down. It wasn't an overt display of love, but Olivia was pleased that he obviously wasn't concerned about showing her affection around Noah.

"Mommy, Uncle Rafa is making pancakes!" He announced excitedly, his mouth clearly full of food.

Olivia smiled, "Try not to talk with your mouth full, sweetheart...but you're obviously enjoying them."

"Mm-mm…" Noah said focusing on his food.

"It's nice to have a treat on a special day," Barba said with a smile in his voice.

Noah swallowed, "Why is today a _special _day?" He asked with intrigue.

Barba ran his hand over Olivia's and squeezed, sharing their secret, before placing a cup of coffee into her hand. Then he replied to Noah, "It's Saturday, Noah, Saturday's are always special because they are family days."

Noah was thoughtful for a second, "Sometimes Mommy has to work on Saturday so I play with Lucy…and I can't remember ever spending Saturday with you, Uncle Rafa. So, I think_ this_ Saturday might be very special. Is that why this Saturday gets pancakes?"

Barba was touched by his words and nodded, "Sure, that's why this Saturday is special. You, me and your mommy are going to spend the day together. No TV for a while though, I was thinking that we could play some games."

Noah nodded excitedly and ate another mouth full of pancakes while he thought about which of his games they could play.

Olivia felt Barba's hand on hers and he put a plate down in front of her, "Blueberry pancakes, do you want yoghurt or syrup?" She smiled, "As it's a very special occasion I think syrup _and_ ice-cream!"

Noah gasped, "Mommy! Can I have ice-cream for breakfast too?!"

Barba laughed at Noah and Olivia as she nodded happily, "Just this once, Noah."

"And every weekend that Uncle Rafa is having a sleepover and makes us pancakes?" Noah bargained excitedly as Barba opened the icebox and looked out the ice-cream.

Olivia smiled, thinking that Uncle Rafa's sleepovers might feature in the little boy's future a lot more permanently than he realised. Then she shook her head, "No. Only on holidays and very special occasions…this counts because this is our first ever Pancake Saturday."

Noah smiled and nodded, "But I do get pancakes and ice-cream this morning?"

"You do…" Barba said and put a scoop of ice-cream on his plate before turning to add one to Olivia's, then he shrugged and put some ice-cream onto his own as well.

* * *

An hour later, Noah walked out of his bedroom dragging behind him a meter high box.

"What have you got there?" Barba asked and walked around from the kitchen.

"Jenga!" Noah said excitedly, "Auntie Amanda and Jessie gave it to me for Christmas!"

Barba looked a little concern and glanced up to see Olivia walking towards them from the bathroom. "I'm not sure that your Mommy can…"

Olivia cut him off, "Don't be silly Uncle Rafa, of course I can play Jenga." She walked over a little further and then Noah met her and cuddled into her side. "Can you help Mommy to the couch, sweetheart?"

Noah nodded and took his assigned task very seriously, taking her hand and guiding her over, "You can sit down now, Mommy!" He told her proudly.

"Thank you, baby," Olivia said warmly and then sat. She pulled him onto her lap, "You know, as Mommy can't see right now Jenga might be very difficult for me. So how about you play against me and Uncle Rafa together? You are the Jenga expert, and Uncle Rafa can help me to play."

Noah nodded, "Okay Mommy," he climbed down and rushed to get the box.

"You're going to have to guide my hands a little, Rafa, but I think we'll be okay. I don't want him to have to miss out…" She explained, knowing the Barba was still stood nearby.

He sat next to her, and took Olivia's hand, "Team Barson, got it…" he paused in then added, "…I'm glad he didn't get this game out _yesterday_ though."

* * *

She was a little confused by that response, until Barba had spent about half-an-hour with Olivia sat between his legs on the couch, carefully guiding her hand over various blocks to feel for the loose ones. His fingers were gently drifting over hers, directing but careful to not knock the tower and ruin her turn. Yes, she thought with a smile as her hands tingled from his soft caresses, yesterday this would have been absolute torture.

"Why are you smiling like that, Mommy?" Noah asked as he watched her.

Olivia laughed and leaned back slightly against Barba's chest, "Nothing, baby, it's just that Uncle Rafa is tickling my hand."

Noah laughed, "Uncle Rafa, are you trying to help me to win?"

Barba smiled and without thinking rested his free hand on Olivia's thigh, "I think he has me figured out, Cariño," he said with a vibrating whisper near her ear, "…I'm secretly working for Team Noah."

Olivia grinned, "I could actually believe that!"

Noah laughed excitedly, but then was quick to assure his mommy, "Don't worry, Mommy, Uncle Rafa loves you too, don't you Uncle Rafa?"

Barba smiled at Noah, nodded solemnly, and then leaned around to kiss his mom's cheek, "I do, Mijo." Suddenly his phone rang, and Barba reached over to check who was calling, already deciding that very few people would have the luxury of interrupting 'Family Day'. However, when he saw _Sheila Porter_ flash up on the screen he quickly moved to stand.

"I need to take this call in the next room, I won't be long." As he stood Barba lifted Olivia's hand and drew an S on her palm. Olivia nodded quickly and squeezed his hand before he moved away.

She talked to Noah for about a minute, but then told him that he could watch cartoons for a while and followed Barba through to the bedroom. She slid open the door.

"No, Ms Porter!" Barba said with surprising sharpness.

Olivia knew that he wouldn't aggravate this situation further so this must mean that the conversation was going extremely badly.

"You aren't listening to what I am saying," he continued tersely, "the person you met last night was_ not_ Olivia Benson, that entire situation was my fault. We'd had very little sleep the night before and I had promised to wake her with plenty of time before your arrival. Instead of doing what I had promised, I left her to sleep a little longer. Olivia woke disorientated and confused, with no concept of the time and no idea that you were even in her apartment. This combined with her temporary loss of eyesight led to the _anxiety attack_ that you witnessed. I can promise you that Olivia Benson is the strongest and most capable person I have ever met - she is smart, intuitive, caring and an absolutely wonderful mother…"

Olivia listened patiently to the break in conversation as Sheila Porter replied and then was surprised when she felt Barba's hand on her arm. He'd obviously seen her in the doorway and moved towards her.

"I am an ADA and I will be acting as Olivia's representative in this case, but I certainly don't need to speak on her behalf…"

He held up the phone between them, standing close so Olivia could hear what Sheila was saying.

**_"…_****_rather personally invested in this case, considering you claim to be only her friend and legal representative…"_** Sheila pointed out.

Barba paused, unsure what to say and then Olivia reached out and took the phone. "Hello, Ms Porter, I think it would be best if we spoke in person."

Sheila was quiet for a few seconds but then regrouped, **_"Ms Benson, how are you feeling this morning?"  
_**  
Olivia smiled at the superficial concern in the woman's voice, "Much better, thank you. I'm so sorry about last night. Rafael is right, as much as I hate to admit it, I believe it must have been an anxiety attack. My sight loss can be extremely disorienting."

**_"_****_That must be hard for a little boy…"_** Sheila observed.

"We're shielding Noah from the worst aspects as best we can, I can assure you that he is an extremely happy little boy," Olivia stated evenly. She felt Barba's hand come to rest on her hips and let out a calming breath. "Rafael has come to stay with me for a while to help with Noah, I have a very supportive extended family circle and Noah thinks the world of his Uncle Rafa."

**_"_****_That situation can't last forever…"_** Sheila pointed out.

Barba's hands curved around to rest on her back and pull her into his side reassuringly.

"Rafael is family," Olivia repeated with confidence in her voice, "this _situation _will last for as long as we need him." _Which will be forever,_ she added silently in her head. "I'm still Noah's mother, I'm doing almost everything I was doing for him before my attack, and the things that Rafael is helping me with, I am slowly starting to re-learn."

Sheila let out a long sigh**_, "Maybe I could come back again on Tuesday evening? Meet you both properly…"_**

Olivia smiled tightly, "That sounds good, Sheila, I'll make sure that Noah is out of the house."

**_"_****_Okay…"_** Sheila paused, **_"…it sounds like you have a very good friend in Rafael, quite a powerful influence to flaunt in your corner."_**

"I'd like to hope that this won't be a fight, Sheila, but if it is, have no doubt that I will come out with _all_ guns blazing…and that includes ADA Barba," Olivia said firmly.

**_"_****_I hear you,"_** Sheila replied a little tersely, **_"…I'll see you at about 6 on Tuesday."_**

"6…" Olivia confirmed and ended the call.

"How are you feeling?" Barba asked with a smirk, happy to hear Olivia sounding more like herself.

_"__Good,"_ she smiled, "…I'm Noah's mom and _nothing_ is going to come between us. My confidence has been knocked over the last few days, but I'm getting there…with a little help from both of you."

"We're here. You take your time rebuilding your armour, Cariño, because you're never going to need it around us…" Barba assured. "Let's forget about Sheila, we have a Saturday to enjoy…and I received a text from Fin earlier to see if it was okay to visit tomorrow. Next week can wait."

Olivia smiled and nodded, "That sounds perfect."

* * *

Later that evening, Noah laughed when Barba lifted him off the floor and held him up to stir the sauce for their pasta.

"Maybe we have a future chef on our hands…" Barba observed and then realised what he'd said, "…I mean,_ your_ hands, of course, Liv."

Noah looked back at him with baffled amusement and then laughed, "I'm in _your _hands Uncle Rafa! You're funny!"

Olivia laughed and stood up from the sofa to join them. She arrived at the counter and carefully made her way around toward where they were working. "Please give me a heads up if I'm about to burn myself on anything," she said with a slightly nervous smile.

Barba quickly sat Noah down on one of the bar chairs and then walked over and came up to stand behind Olivia. "Think we should let Mommy do some cooking, Noah?" He asked his young friend.

Noah nodded enthusiastically, then watched with a smile as Barba slowly slid his hands down her arms from behind and laced their fingers together.

"I've got you, Cariño…" Barba said softly, "…let's start off together, okay?"

Olivia nodded nervously as Barba guided her hands over to what she recognised to be a block of cheese. Then he brought her hand over to a cheese grater.

"Don't grate my…" Olivia started anxiously.

"I won't let you hurt yourself, Liv…_I promise,"_ Barba said softly, his warm words on her shoulder making her heart beat a little faster.

"Uncle Rafa loves you, Mommy," Noah said encouragingly, "he won't let you get hurt, just like when you help me to cross the big road near to my school."

Olivia smiled and nodded, feeling Barba's hand drop down to stroke over her hips for a second and then back up to cover her hand again. She picked up the cheese and held the grater, slowly letting him guide her and begin to run the block down the small perforations.

"We'll go slowly…" Barba encouraged as they worked.

Olivia blinked and then pulled away suddenly, dropping the cheese and then turning her hands to squeeze his fingers. An unexpected sensation caused Olivia's stomach to turn over. "Rafa…" she gasped and leaned back against him.

Sensing that there was something wrong he looked over at Noah. "How about you go to get washed up and changed for bed? We can listen to some Harry after dinner…"

Noah looked concerned and tilted his head a little.

Barba smiled and nodded, "Mommy's fine, we just need a moment – trust me."

Noah smiled at him with confidence, then nodded and leapt down from his seat before running off towards his room.

Barba turned Olivia towards him and brought his hand up to her cheek with concern, "Is something wrong, Liv?"

She smiled and shook her head quickly, "I saw something. A shadow…just movement…but for the first time I actually saw something!" Her arms came up around his neck and her face burrowed into his shoulder.

Barba's own arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted her slightly off the floor.

"I haven't wanted to believe, but maybe…" Olivia whispered tearfully against his skin.

"We're going to see the doctor on Monday, mi amor," Barba said emotionally. "This must be good, it's…_something!"_

Olivia pulled back and risked kissing him, feeling her excitement growing even at such a small step, "I don't want Noah to know anything until we know more after Monday."

Barba nodded and pressed his lips to hers, "Of course…" he paused and added, "…I love you."

Olivia smiled, "I want to see the look in your eyes when you say that, I feel like I've imagined it a million times."

"You will," Barba assured, "…and I'm going to tell you a million more times."

Her voice dropped and she brought her lips to his ear, "One day soon I want to be able to see those gorgeous eyes of yours looking up at me from in-between my legs."

Barba barked out a laugh and held her more firmly, glancing up towards Noah's room before leaning in to quickly kiss up her neck, "You will, mi Guerrero Bella"

Olivia grinned and ran her teeth teasingly over his neck before reluctantly pushing herself away.

* * *

Barba once again carried Noah to bed and settled him in. Then he walked back to the living area, rolled the audiobook back ten minutes, turned it off and then flicked through his phone to find some soft Cuban music. He set it playing on a relatively low volume, so as not to wake Noah, and then crouched down next to the couch.

"Liv…" Barba whispered softly near her ear, "…Olivia, wake up."

Olivia woke and blinked her eyes. Barba's heart contracted as it always did when he witnessed her mind catching up to the reality of her sight loss. This time he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers softly, "Hey, you both fell asleep during 'Harry' again, he'll be getting a complex…" Her sincere smile warmed Barba's heart. "Tired?" He asked softly.

Olivia smiled, "No, I think just relaxed…sitting on the couch with my two favourite men after a gorgeous meal. Who knew it would take a life-changing event like this to help me completely find my zen?"

Barba didn't know what to say to that and Olivia laughed.

"I meant finding _this_ with you, Rafael, not losing my sight!" She laughed and reached out to find his hand.

Barba laughed softly and slid their fingers together.

"I love this music…" Olivia said with a contented smile.

"You do?" Barba asked happily, somehow the praise of his music felt like further acceptance of who he is - Rafael Barba, not ADA Barba. "Dance with me?"

Olivia looked nervous, "Rafa, I don't know…"

"Trust me…" He said softly, knowing that they were the magic words. "Stand up with me…"

Olivia stood nervously, and Barba pushed back the couch a little and turned the table to make a little space. Then he took her hands gently, "Just dance with me…let me hold you and follow my lead a little?"

She smiled and nodded, forcing herself to breathe and relax.

Barba guided her left hand to his shoulder and placed his right to her lower back, then slipped their free hands together, joined all the way down to their elbows, but held low and close. Their bodies were intimate, almost fused from their chests to the floor as Barba began to sway them slowly.

Olivia's breath shortened immediately at the feeling of his strong grip directing her so confidently. "This feels really good…" she said softly, "…almost like we're moving as one person."

"We are, Cariño," he said affectionately and then stepped back and turned her away, so they now swayed with his chest pressed against her back and one hand around her waist. "Don't worry about where you are, just feel the rhythm and trust me to keep us on track…"

Olivia smiled and leaned her head back against him, the hand that had been on his shoulder moving back to his hip as they moved slowly.

His nose brushed along her neck as they rocked, breathing in her scent.

"I think we've worked too much, Rafa. I'm beginning to regret every moment that I've wasted dragging out our work half-an-hour longer than I needed to...when we could have been doing this…" Olivia admitted.

"Dragging out?" Barba asked with a smirk.

"Sometimes, after a hard day, just being with you made me feel a little better. I will admit to occasionally being a little more fastidious than I needed to be…just so that I had an excuse to hang back a while…" Olivia smiled as Barba turned her smoothly back around and slipped her back into his arms.

"You've never needed an excuse to spend time with me, Liv," Barba assured softly.

"I guess sometimes it _felt_ like I did," Olivia admitted.

"None of our moments together have been wasted…" Barba observed happily. He paused and then added, "What about all those drinks you turned down?" He asked.

Olivia smiled, "I genuinely needed…no _wanted_…to spend time with Noah. He's growing up so quickly. Stopping off at the bar is not always practical, Rafael, especially after a long day at work. No matter how much I would have loved to spend time with you."

"So, it was my _approach _that was lacking," Barba said with a smile, turning them a little as they continued to dance, "…I thought it was me."

She smiled sadly, "Never you…I would have given anything to flip your invitation and invite you to mine, but when a colleague asks you to the bar for a drink, you can hardly say, 'How does cocoa with my son sound?'"

Barba shook his head and then kissed her gently, "We haven't been simply 'colleagues' for a long time. You're my closest friend, Liv. Cocoa with Noah sounds wonderful…I just wanted to be with you."

Olivia sighed a little sadly, brought her hand to the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss, "We've both been so stupid."

Barba smirked, "Hey! Speak for yourself!"

Olivia laughed, "Barba, if you'd been a little more obvious, we could have been doing this months ago, maybe even years. We could have been dancing late at night in your office when everyone else had gone home. Hiding in my office making out when no one was watching. We could have held each other when times were hard, found solace in each other's arms…we could have been making love, rather than going home alone to our cold empty beds."

Barba shuddered at the images Olivia painted and held her even closer, "Point conceded. I have been _really_ stupid…" he grinned and kissed her again.

Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and sighed, "I don't know…I guess 'what ifs' serve no purpose, maybe this happened when we were both _finally_ ready to make this work."

"I did like the sound of all those extra months of dancing and sex," Barba teased lightly.

"We'll have plenty of time to catch up," Olivia grinned and then ran her hand down to his ass.

_TBC…_


	11. Real Sleepovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken a long time to update - life has settled down a little but updates might be a little less regular for a while - they will always arrive eventually though! 
> 
> I'm also considering a fluffy Christmas special - if I find the time! If I don't it might become a fluffy New Years special! haha

Barba woke and blinked his eyes in the relative darkness of Olivia's bedroom, briefly wondering what had woken him until he heard a moan from his right.

He turned quickly towards the sound and spooned up behind Olivia; wrapping his arm around her bare waist, and then tucking his legs up behind hers and nuzzling in to kiss her neck.

"Liv…Liv, sweetheart…you're only dreaming…" He whispered softly near her ear as he tried to wrap her as tightly as possible in the cocoon of his body, he sounded calm but his heart was beating quickly in response to her obvious distress.

Olivia moaned and then suddenly turned towards him; her wide eyes making Barba's breath catch and heart clutch as he watched her search hopelessly for his face in the darkness.

"Liv, I'm here, I'm right here with you," he assured and brought his hand up to cup her cheek.

"Rafa? Rafa…" Olivia swallowed harshly and then swiped her tongue over her bottom lip.

Barba moved closer again, he slipped a leg between hers and then hauled her body against his before burying her face into the crook of her neck. "I'm right here…" he repeated gently.

Olivia instinctively wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly, "You were gone! I woke up and you were _both_ gone! I couldn't see and I couldn't find you!"

"Shhhh...Sweetheart, I'm here. I'm here and Noah is fast asleep next door, we are not going anywhere…" Barba assured, his heart still pounding in his chest at her ongoing distress.

"You can't promise me that, Rafa. That woman was right, you can't…I can't…I'm completely reliant on you, I can't put that on you, I can't…" Olivia was gasping now, panic clearly overwhelming her again.

Barba held her firmly, their naked bodies wrapped together so tightly that they almost felt like one, but still not close enough - never close enough.

"You are not completely reliant on me," he said firmly, "this has only just happened and you need my support right now, but you are adjusting. Not to mention that your eyes are starting to respond," he spoke firmly and confidently.

"But you…" Olivia started.

"I am here, Liv, for as long as you need me…and long after that if you'll have me..._forever_…" Barba kissed up her neck and then pressed a confident but chaste kiss to her lips.

Olivia let out a long breath and seemed to bury herself into him, curling her body around his and gripping tightly. She smiled against his skin, "I've often thought that needing someone was a sign of weakness, like saying that you're less than whole without them." She breathed in his comforting scent and felt her body begin to relax against him. "But I _need_ you, Rafael, you've enriched my life…you've made me happier. I'm _okay_ on my own…but I'm starting to believe that I deserve more than that now…I'm started to believe that maybe I deserve you."

Barba was surprised to find himself rocked by Olivia's revelation.

As a child from an abusive home...a poor kid trying to thrive in a privileged society…Rafael Barba had spent most of his life trying to build a shield around himself and his heart. Successfully creating a strong armour and therefore often having to hold his feelings at arm's length. As a result, his emotions had become subdued as his self-constructed wall restricted him from seeing and experiencing life in anything but muted shades of black and white – until Olivia Benson had come along, broken through his barriers and flooded his life with color.

Now that he was lying in her arms Barba saw more than just shades of color - he saw shimmering technicolour, he felt heat, he heard music. He remembered what love felt like now. Not only to feel love, but to allow himself to accept love in return.

He _deserved_ love…and maybe even deserved the love of Olivia Benson.

"I need you," he assured firmly, "you might need my help a little right now, but I need you every bit as much as you do. You will never be a burden to me, Liv, I love you; and I'm so proud that you want me in your life…and in Noah's life. Hell, if you needed it, I'd cut my heart right out of my chest and give it to you."

Olivia laughed softly now, she smiled and held him tightly, "When I first met you I certainly never imagined that you'd turn out to be such a passionate romantic."

"You're actually laughing at me?" Barba asked with mock offence, he was pleased to feel her relaxing and see the light of happiness glowing in her eyes.

"It's a step up from a kidney…" Olivia said with a soft reminiscent smile, but then added, "…however, I need your heart to stay _exactly _where it is."

"Loving you…" Barba added, intentionally trying to make her laugh now.

She grinned and leaned in to kiss his lips, "You know, I _really_ want to see you naked. I'll admit that I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about that in the past. I've wondered what you were hiding underneath those perfectly fitted suits, and now you're right here with me, in my bed…"

"You're not missing much, don't build me up in your head, I'd really hate for reality to disappoint or…_ouch!"_ Barba laughed. "You actually bit me!"

Olivia grinned, "I nipped you…and you deserved it," her hand slipped down his bicep and she nuzzled under his ear, kissing lightly, "…you're _gorgeous."_

Barba smiled and held her close, "You're…" he started.

"A very lucky woman…" Olivia teased with a smile in her voice as her hand moved down between their bodies and stroked his bourgeoning erection. "You make me happy, Rafa, even now, after everything that's happened. You're like a miracle to me…" she paused and then ran her hand over his cheek and smiled, "…I also love your casual 'Rafa at Home' beard…it's very sexy."

"I'll never shave again…" He replied resolutely. Then Barba breathed in through his nose and felt Olivia lift her leg over his hip, angling her body just right to encourage him to reach down and guide himself to her centre. He smiled and kissed her softly, knowing that this slow and sleepy lovemaking would be different from what they had shared the night before.

Feeling him push home Olivia bit her bottom lip and then nuzzled closer, holding still and allowing herself to enjoy their slow and gentle joining.

"I love you so much…" Olivia whispered softly, "…I want you to be with us always, I want you to be _ours._"

"Liv…" Barba replied a little tearfully, overwhelmed with love as he gently pulled out a few inches and then slid home.

Her hand came up to the back of his head, her leg hooking around his waist as she turned to kiss him with love and even a hint of reverence. "Stay?" Olivia asked a little breathlessly. "That's what I wanted to say to Sheila earlier, we will _always_ need you, Rafa…stay with us forever?"

_"Always…" _Barba replied earnestly.

* * *

When Barba answered the door the following afternoon he found Fin _and_ Carisi waiting on the other side. He smirked and rolled his eyes, "So what? You found him hanging out on a street corner offering free hugs?"

Fin smirked as they both passed the ADA on the way through to the living area.

"Hey, Lieu," Carisi said with a smile as he sat nearby. "Hope you don't mind the gatecrash, Fin assured that it would be okay."

"You're always welcome in my home," Olivia said sincerely.

"Barba seemed less enthusiastic," Carisi observed with humor and absolutely no malice.

Olivia laughed, "Don't let Rafael fool you, Sonny, he acts tough but…" she leaned forward with a conspiratorial whisper, "…I'm pretty sure you're his favorite."

Fin laughed as he sat down and Carisi couldn't hide a proud smile.

"Not counting the boss, of course," Fin winked at Carisi and smiled up at Barba as he walked over with drinks.

"I have a hard-ass reputation to protect, Liv," Barba warned weakly as he put down the drinks tray. He nodded at the glasses, silently telling his friends to help themselves, then picked up one iced-tea and walked to crouch in front of Olivia. He took her hands and then gently placed the drink in her grasp.

"You have nothing," Fin said with amusement and then added, "at least not in this room, we're all family here, so don't be trying that hard-ass crap on us, Barba, at least not out of the workplace."

Olivia laughed happily, thrilled to hear Fin calling Barba on his shit and starting to break down some of their remaining barriers. She held up her drink, "To family…"

"Family…" The three men repeated with varying degrees of amusement and clinked their glasses.

Suddenly a door banged and Noah ran out of his room, he smiled broadly when he saw their guests but headed straight for his Uncle Rafa. "Hey Uncle Fin, hey Uncle Sonny! Did you come to play? Can we get out my Lego?" He asked climbing onto Barba's lap and pulling at the neck of his t-shirt.

Noah settled down on Barba's knee and grinned at their guests, both of whom were clearly surprised and touched by their interaction.

"Uncle Fin and Uncle Sonny are here to visit Mommy, amigo," Barba explained with a smile, "…but I'm sure there'll be a little time to play." He smiled up at them, "...and if not we can play a little later, but remember it's pre-school tomorrow so early to bed."

Noah grinned and leaned his head on Barba's shoulder, "Sure, Uncle Rafa…early to bed and then I'll work extra hard at school and one day be a law-ya just like you."

Barba smiled proudly and ran his hand over his curly hair, "Sure, mijo…if you work hard you can become anything you want to be."

Noah smiled at Carisi, "Did you know that my Uncle Rafa is having sleepovers at our place? Don't you think that's really cool?"

Carisi grinned at Barba, "Really cool!"

"Uncle Rafa made us pancakes!" Noah continued excitedly.

Carisi looked at Olivia, who was beaming happily as she listened to her son waxing lyrically about their friend. "That's great, Noah! You like pancakes I bet!" Carisi encouraged the boy.

Noah nodded, "I do…" he confirmed solemnly. "But that's not even the best bit…" he continued excitedly, "Uncle Rafa has read to me, and downloaded Harry so that we could all listen together, and taught me to make pasta, and helped me to learn my sums, and he's really good at Legos and Jenga…he even helped me to win…and he makes my mommy smile…which is really really good because her eyes are poorly right now and I think that would've made her really sad…if Uncle Rafa wasn't here…which he is…which is good…isn't it, Uncle Sonny?"

Carisi smiled at Barba, who looked genuinely surprised and emotional. He leaned forward and nodded at Noah sincerely, "That sounds _amazing,_ Noah."

* * *

Later that evening, they had all eaten and Fin sat next to Liv on the couch watching Barba, Carisi and Noah absorbed in their epic Lego project. He slipped his hand into Olivia's and leaned over to whispered to her quietly. "You know, I borrowed that fold-up from the cities emergency supplies, had Martine in supplies do me a favor…it's yours for as long as y'all need it of course, but if…"

Olivia smirked and whispered happily into her friend's ear, "Take the bed, Fin…"

Fin smiled, "Good to know…" he paused for a second and watched Barba handing Noah a brick. "He's a good man, Liv."

Olivia grinned broadly and bit her lip, "Yes, he is…I…" she paused.

"They're completely focused on their Lego," Fin assured softly.

Olivia smiled, but still leaned a little closer and lowered her voice when she confirmed, "I adore him, Fin."

The sergeant nodded happily, "The way he looks at you, Liv…it's mutual."

Olivia nodded, "He's so good with Noah."

Fin nodded, "I wasn't sure I'd see the day, but I think you've finally found someone who deserves you."

Olivia laughed and leaned over to lightly slap his arm.

"What are you two conspiring about?" Barba asked and Olivia could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Mind your own business!" Olivia teased happily.

* * *

"Give me a hand?" Fin asked Carisi as they got up to leave a while later and he nodded towards Olivia's bedroom.

Barba watched with a little confusion when they disappeared into the room, and after a minute they returned carrying the fold-up bed, Carisi grinning broadly.

Noah gasped and ran to grab onto Barba's leg.

"No! You told me you would stay a while! You promised! You did!" Noah cried and held onto him tightly.

Barba bent down next to his young friend, "I won't be going anywhere for a while, little man, and I promise we will always talk to you about that first…"

"But your bed!" Noah said tearfully with wide eyes.

"Baby, come here to Mommy…" Olivia said softly.

Noah reluctantly peeled himself away from Barba and walked a little sulkily towards his mommy, still feeling sure that his Uncle Rafa was about to leave. Why else would Uncle Fin and Uncle Sonny be taking away his bed?

He crawled up into his mommy's lap.

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't think…I told Uncle Fin that he could take the bed back to the station and didn't realise that this might upset you," Olivia said softly.

"Uncle Rafa…" Noah said tearfully.

"Uncle Rafa is staying here with us a while longer, sweet boy…" Olivia assured, "…but that bed isn't very comfortable, so mommy has decided to share her bed instead. Is that okay with you?"

Noah looked confused, but much calmer now that he knew that his Uncle Rafa was staying, "I…have to share with you and Uncle Rafa will sleep in my bed?" He checked.

Olivia heard Carisi laugh and she smiled, "No, baby…if it's okay with you Uncle Rafa will share _my_ bed."

Noah nodded thoughtfully, "That is a good idea, mommy. I would give up my bed for Uncle Rafa…but I do like my bed so I think I like your plan better."

Olivia grinned, "I do have a big bed…"

Noah nodded, "It's very kind of you, mommy."

Now she heard Fin laugh and her eyes sparkled. "Uncle Rafa is mommy's best friend in the whole world and we wouldn't want him to be uncomfortable, would we?"

Noah looked up at Barba and smiled, "No, we wouldn't."

"Are you happy with that, baby? If Uncle Rafa sleeps in with me from now on?" Olivia checked cautiously.

Noah grinned, "Forever?" He asked Barba enthusiastically.

Barba winced and looked at Olivia, who had flushed a little red.

"For now…" Barba negotiated smoothly and smiled as he crouched down next to them and slipped his hand into Olivia's reassuringly, "…then…we'll all talk again."

_TBC…_


	12. Always

Barba opened the door and ushered Olivia through, quickly shutting it behind them and then turning to tug off her coat as she laughed.

"You're soaked!" Barba chuckled a little as he removed his own jacket and then lifted a strand of wet hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

Olivia smiled, "I'm sorry, I guess it's mostly my fault…" she ran her hand over his wet hair and then onto his neck, "…I'm not really up to running right now."

"Liv…" Barba smiled and leaned in to chastely press his lips to the side of her neck, making Olivia jump a little in surprise, "…you heard what the doctor said, _Optic Neuritis_, it should only be a matter of time until your sight returns."

Olivia closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall with a concerned sigh, "We don't really _know _anything for sure yet and I definitely don't want to tell Noah that everything's going to be okay until we do."

"That's fine, so we'll keep it to ourselves for now…" he agreed, "…but you know that the doctor was only avoiding making any promises, right? I feel really good about this, Liv, everything is going to be okay."

"So is Rafael Barba suddenly the optimist in this relationship?" Olivia asked with a weak smile.

"Somehow being with you is leading me to believe that life might actually be on my side," Barba smirked as he hung up their coats.

They walked through to Olivia's bedroom and started to take off their shoes.

"What time is it?" She asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"A little after 1, Noah won't be home for hours," Barba observed as he sat down next to her on the bed. "I could make us some tea?"

"I think I can manage to get myself a drink, Rafael," Olivia said with distracted frustration.

Barba picked up the tension in her words and nudged her a little with his shoulder, "Hey, are you sure you're okay? Nothing is bothering you about the doctors?"

"Rafael, I've already told you that I'm fine. Why is that so hard for you to believe?" She snapped with obvious irritation.

Barba looked hurt and surprised, "Liv, I was just checking in."

"Well, maybe I don't need you 'checking in' with me every five minutes. Sheila is coming back tomorrow and after the last unmitigated disaster, I can't allow her to pick up on even a moment of weakness. I can't…" Olivia could feel her mind starting to spin and flood with all of the worst-case scenarios that could come out of the following evening.

"Liv, we're facing this together," Barba tried to reassure her and then started working through his thoughts logically. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then tried to force himself to review the facts as clearly and dispassionately as possible. Olivia didn't need his worries and concerns right now, she needed her _lawyer_. "I was actually thinking about this earlier, in spite of her initial law-suit I can't see how Sheila Porter has a case; she's had no contact with the child…"

"The child? This isn't one of your cases, Rafael, this is Noah we're talking about!" Olivia bit back angrily.

"I know that, Liv…of course I do…I'm just saying that we need to start by rolling back her expectations…" Barba attempted to explain cautiously.

"_We? _This is my problem, Rafael. Noah is my son! Can't you see that by side-lining me you're weakening my position? I'm not completely helpless, but maybe allowing myself to lean on you so much is making this situation even worse…" She pushed away from him and stood, swiping angry tears away from her face.

Barba looked stunned. He took a second to gather his thoughts, then stood and reached out to touch her arm, "Liv, please…"

"Rafael, can you just leave me alone for a while? I need some time…" Olivia asked frustratedly and pulled her arm away sharply, unbalancing herself and starting to fall before she felt Barba's hands catch her and hold her securely.

"That's simply _not_ going to happen," Barba said resolutely and held his ground.

A millisecond of confusion flashed across Olivia's face and then she looked furious, "You're actually refusing to leave? Can I remind you that this is my place!" She stepped back away from him again.

"Hell yes, I'm refusing to leave! You can't just do a 180 on me and then banish me with no explanation." He paused and then took a breath, forcing himself to continue more calmly. "You need to explain to me exactly what is happening right now…" he asked with an undertone of frustration.

"What's happening?" Olivia asked angrily. "Well let's begin with the fact that you clearly don't trust me, you have no respect for me, you're even second-guessing my choices with regard to Noah!"

Barba laughed humourlessly, "I'm sorry, but can you actually hear yourself? No one trusts you more than I do; you are a wonderful mother and I've never once questioned your instincts with regard to your son. Liv, I have no idea what is happening right now…"

Olivia stood wordlessly for several long seconds, standing in the dark and trying to reassemble her chaotic thoughts.

"Olivia…" Barba tried again carefully. "I know that you are more than capable of looking after yourself, that you don't _need_ me. However, have you ever considered the possibility that I need you? That maybe if I'm being over-protective or crowding you it's because I can't bear to see you hurt? I can't even begin to imagine my life without you anymore…when I heard that you'd been injured I walked straight out of my office. I haven't even been into work since that day and right now you are my only priority. This is completely new for me. I've…" he paused and then continued emotionally, "…I've started to imagine that we might have a future together…you, me and Noah. So if I've stepped over an invisible line then I'm sorry…but I love you…and that little boy…and I couldn't…I just can't…"

His words were cut off when Olivia suddenly moved forward, awkwardly and tearfully reaching out and then wrapping him into her arms. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and sobbed, "No, Rafa, I'm sorry…I don't even know what I was thinking…" she sighed with obvious frustration. "It feels like my emotions are boiling over right now. I'm not sure if it's because of my injury, or the situation with Noah, or maybe even our changing relationship…"

"I'm not sure if I appreciate being placed into that category," Barba cut in with slight amusement in his voice.

Olivia laughed happily through her tears, then pulled back a little and smiled at him, running her hand down the side of his face and then brushing her thumb over his smiling lips. "I promise you, Rafael Barba, you're in a category all of your own. I think you have contributed to bringing my emotions to the surface, however, I'm sorry if that means you're taking the brunt of my emotional whirlwind."

Barba wrapped his arms around her tightly, kissing her neck, "I love you, Cariño; you're going through hell right now and you have nothing to apologise for."

Olivia shook her head, "That doesn't excuse me taking this out on you." She closed her eyes and breathed in against his neck, finding comfort in his familiar scent. "I've come to rely on you so much and that does scare me. What that will mean for us, and for Noah…and how that will inevitably affect the situation with Sheila."

Barba looked at her face and wished for the hundredth time that they could really look into each other's eyes. They used to be able to share so much with a simple look, but right now he needed to say the words. "Liv, you can lean on me for a while right now, and then sometimes I'll need to lean on you. I'm in this for the long haul…if you'll have me?"

Olivia smiled tearfully and then leaned in to kiss his lips, "Even if I'm acting like a crazy person?"

He rolled his eyes with mock reluctance and smiled, "Even then, we're all a little crazy sometimes."

Olivia laughed, then ran her hand over his damp hair, "You're wrong, you know? I _do _need you…and not just right now. You've been there through my sergeants' exams, Noah coming into my life, Nick moving on, taking over the unit, my lieutenants' exams. So many key moments in my life and career, good and bad. When people in the room have doubted me, even after Lewis, you have always looked at me with absolute confidence. I'm not sure if I've even acknowledged that or told you what that has meant to me…"

Barba dipped his head, a little overwhelmed at the genuine appreciation and love in her words, "Liv, you're surrounded by people who love you, I never want you to doubt that."

"I know," Olivia said with a warm smile as she leaned in and pressed her lips between his eyebrows.

"But never doubt for a second that we love you the most," Barba added with a smirk as he looked back up at her face, "…me and Noah. We're your back up crew, mi amor. You're tough as nails…but if you're ever unsure, or if you doubt yourself…just look to us."

Olivia smiled a little tearfully, "I understand that now…and Rafa, I want you to feel comfortable speaking up about Noah. There is no line for you to step over, that little boy loves you and we are _both_ invested in our future."

Barba kissed her mouth and then brush his lips over her cheek.

Olivia pulled back a little and cupped his face in her hands, "You know, losing my sight has been terrifying…and this little bit of hope is almost equally frightening…but I think I could bare almost anything except the thought of going the rest of my life without seeing the faces of my _two_ favorite men."

"You will, mi amor, just give it time…" Barba assured firmly.

"I miss your face," Olivia said with a soft smile as she ran her thumbs over his cheeks. "Your lips," she traced his mouth softly and then kissed him, then her fingers ran over his eyebrows before she leaned in and pressed her lips to his temple, "…your beautiful eyes."

She felt Barba take a step back and then walk her to the edge of the bed. "Sit for me…" he murmured as he guided her to lay down.

Her hand came up to brush her fingertips over the hair at his temple and she felt him climb up to rest his knees on either side of her waist. "I've looked into your eyes and heard the words _'I love you'_ in my head, Rafael, but I want to look into your eyes and say them out loud. I have a million memories of saying that to Noah, but…" Olivia opened her eyes and blinked. "Rafa, are the lights on?"

Barba frowned, "Yes, I mean the one above my head is…it's a little dark out…the rain and…"

"I can see the lights, it's just brightness…but I can see your silhouette above me," she said tearfully.

Barba leaned down and kissed her, tracing his lips along her jaw and then slowly down her neck.

"Wait for a second," Olivia interrupted his progress, "…come back up here."

Barba laughed a little and moved back, "What?"

She held his head in place, "I can…I can really see you…it's _you_..." her voice cracked and Barba immediately felt bad for making light of this development.

"Liv…"

"I can see you," she repeated and bit her lip, her eyes opened and closed slowly.

"Olivia…" Barba whispered.

"I really want to see you properly," Olivia sobbed a little and a tear slipped over her temple.

He leaned down to kiss her and then shifted to the side and rested his head on her chest. "You will, mi vida, I promise that you will."

Olivia curled her legs up and trapped him into her embrace, "I think I believe you."

"So…a couple of hours of wild sex or…?" Barba asked and turned to press his lips to her skin.

"Or we can just lay here quietly and chat?" Olivia suggested.

"You've gone off me already?" Barba joked.

_"Never…"_ Olivia assured unnecessarily, "…but today has been a lot and I could really use some downtime with my best friend."

Barba cut in and placed his fingers on her lips, "Cariño, if you'd told me a few weeks ago that I would ever have the chance to spend hours lying in your arms I would have...well, I probably would have kissed you until you couldn't breathe."

Olivia laughed and closed her eyes, "Rain-check on the hours of athletic sex?"

"Rain-check," Barba agreed happily.

* * *

Noah ran under Lucy's arm as she propped open the door, then turned to smile and wave goodbye as he rushed into the apartment and straight through to the living area, "Mommy?!"

Lucy watched him through the door and left for her dental appointment, knowing that she had checked in earlier and Olivia had arrived home hours ago.

The little boy ran through to the kitchen, then spun around excitedly and headed towards his mommy's bedroom. "Uncle Rafa?" He called out again. He pushed the door open and then stopped short when he saw his Uncle Rafa on the bed fast asleep, with his mommy sleeping curled against him. Her head was resting on his shoulder and her hand lay on the centre of his chest.

He walked slowly up to the bed, his breathing suddenly sounding loud in the silence of the room. As Noah slowly and quietly walked forward he noticed his mommy's top leg lying just below his Uncle Rafa's knees and tilted his head.

Was it nap time?

He stepped even closer and smiled a little. Mommy and Uncle Rafa must have been very tired to need a nap in the middle of the day, because unless he'd been very busy even Noah often skipped nap time.

Noah looked up at the shining light above them and then turned and walked back towards the wall. He reached up and flicked the switch, he knew that whenever he went to sleep mommy turned off the light for him.

He looked back over at the bed for a few seconds, then slowly toed off his shoes and dropped his coat into a small pile near to the door. Then he walked back in their direction, the light from the slowly setting sun shining his way. Then he gripped on to the end of the bed and pulled himself up, carefully trying not to wake Mommy or Uncle Rafa as he arrived by their feet and slowly crawled up next to them.

His head rested on Uncle Rafa's shoulder, mirroring his mommy's position, and he was just closing his eyes when he felt his uncle move.

Barba looked down at Noah and blinked in surprise - partly because he must have fallen asleep and didn't realise, but also because even though Noah was always affectionate with him this was the first time that he'd woken to find the little boy cuddled up next to him.

"Noah…hey…" Barba said softly, his arm coming up to his shoulder. "I'm sorry, little man, did we fall asleep?"

Noah smiled and nuzzled against him, "Nap time?"

Barba looked at the time and then hugged both Noah and his mommy into his sides, "Sure, nap time…do you need anything?"

Noah closed his eyes, "I'm happy, Uncle Rafa," he replied simply, and soon they were all fast asleep.

* * *

Olivia woke a little while later and after blinking her eyes a few times she had to work through those first few seconds when she remembered her circumstances.

However, this process was cut slightly short when she breathed in and recognised the unmistakable scent of her lover lying underneath her, followed by the warmth of his body infusing through her own. She smiled and turn to press her lips to the warm cotton of the shirt covering his skin, stroking her hand over his broad chest before stopping short when she found another small arm lying nearby.

Her heart skipped a beat when she realised what she was feeling; her son lying opposite her, curled up next the Rafael and lying safely in his arms…just as she was. Tears welled in Olivia's eyes as her hand covered Noah's gently.

"Mommy…" Noah whispered softly.

"Sorry, baby, I didn't mean to wake you…" Olivia replied softly.

"We're having nap time…" Noah explained happily.

Olivia smiled, "Yes, I guess we are."

"Mommy..." Noah started to speak again after less than a minute, already sounding more awake.

This time Olivia noticed Barba's breathing change as he stirred and Olivia felt a little sad, she knew that this moment couldn't last forever but she wanted to savour it a while longer.

"...I'm hungry…" Noah continued softly.

She heard Barba lick his lips and then reply sleepily, "Ahh…I'm sorry, Mijo…is it getting late?"

Olivia's eyes welled again at the familial exchange and her hand stroked down Barba's chest as she heard Noah start to sit up on the bed. "Sorry that we woke you, sweetheart…"

Barba turned and kissed her temple, taking his cue from Olivia that she was obviously comfortable with them starting to be more affectionate around Noah. Then he blinked and looked up at his little friend. "How about we get takeout?" He suggested, glancing at the time and noticing that it was already gone 6.

Noah grinned and bounced on the bed a little, "Take out! _Yes!"_

"What would you like?" Barba asked him as he reached up with his free hand to rub his eyes.

Noah looked at his mommy, remembered that she was still poorly and then touched the hand still laying on his Uncle Rafa's chest, "Mommy can choose."

Olivia smiled at her son's kind gesture and pretended to think for a while before suggesting what she knew was his favourite, "Hmmmmm…I think…pizza!"

Noah cheered and bounced up onto his knees, "Yes!"

"BUT, I want real pizza from the Italian restaurant, not from one of those chains," Olivia clarified.

"That's a deal," Barba agreed. "Do they deliver?"

Olivia regretfully started to sit up and move away from Barba's warmth, "They do, but it's only a block away and it sounds like the rain has stopped. I'd quite like to walk…"

Barba looked at Noah, "What do you think, how about we all go to collect our pizza?"

Noah was already climbing off the bed and he ran to his pile of things near the door, starting to pull on his shoes, "Nighttime walk with Mommy and Uncle Rafa!" He responded happily.

"Sounds like we definitely have a plan!" Olivia agreed, sitting up and feeling out with her toes for her sneakers.

* * *

Barba walked with his arm around Olivia's waist, guiding her naturally as she followed his lead with complete faith. Her hand moved down to rest on his hip as they stepped onto the street.

"Hold Uncle Rafa's hand," Olivia cautioned Noah.

"I am," Noah replied happily from nearby as they walked along.

"Don't worry, I've got both of you," Barba said with a smile and a slight tease in his voice.

Olivia laughed softly and leaned against him a little more, "Oh, I _know_ you do." She could hear Noah's light bouncing steps as he danced alongside their comfortable stroll.

"I love the way the air smells after I heavy downfall, so fresh and clear," Barba observed quietly and tightened his hand on her waist.

She rested her head on his shoulder and smiled, "Rafael Barba - taking time to appreciate the little things…"

Barba laughed softly, "I suppose I'm shifting my priorities."

"What's Pri-o-ties?" Noah asked cheerfully.

Barba smiled, "It means that spending time with you _and_ your mommy are the most important things to me…"

Noah smiled, very happy with that answer, "Me and mommy are pri-o-ties?" He checked.

"You're _my_ priorities," Barba clarified and felt Olivia turn her head to quickly press her lips to his jaw.

Noah nodded thoughtfully and was about to ask another question when suddenly they arrived at pizza! He looked in through the window with a broad smile, his previous line of questioning temporarily forgotten.

"Francescana, Ricotta e Spinaci, Margherita?" Olivia suggested to Barba as she reached for her purse.

Barba covered her hand with his, "This is on me - shall we get one of each and then share?" He looked at Noah, who wasn't 100% sure what his mommy had suggested, but he knew that she always got good pizza so nodded happily. "Are you coming in?" He looked back at Olivia.

"I'd like to wait out here in the fresh air…" Olivia suggested.

Barba bent down and looked at Noah, "Can you be a good boy and wait with Mommy? Remember it's late, so no running off because Mommy can't see you. You need to hold on to Mommy's hand nicely and look after each other while I'm inside. Is that okay?"

Noah nodded very seriously, understanding that Uncle Rafa was trusting him to be a good boy and determined not to let him down. "I'll be good, Uncle Rafa, I promise."

"Good man," Barba said affectionately, then stood and leaned in to kiss Olivia's cheek, "…now, no running off without me, I'll be back soon and remember that I have the pizza!"

Noah laughed, "Uncle Rafa! We would never want to leave without you, even without pizza!"

"Good to know," Barba grinned, secretly genuinely touched by Noah's assurance, then turned and went inside.

* * *

An elderly man with an Italian accent turned and addressed Barba with a warm smile, "Table or 'to go', young man?"

Barba grinned, "Young man? I just became a regular customer!"

The man laughed, "Ahh, sir…when you get to my age everyone is young."

Barba smiled and nodded, "To go please - Margherita, Francescana and Ricotta e Spinach…" he looked at the menu and then added, "and a tub of gelato, will that be enough for three?" He looked outside and added, "Two adults and a child."

"That will be fine, sir…"

Barba reconsidered and remembered that his companions had different favorite flavors, "Actually make that a tub of Strawberry and Pistachio, we can put the leftovers in the icebox."

"Very good, sir…" he scribbled down the order then handed it back to someone before beginning to process the payment. "You have a very beautiful family," the man observed with a smile.

The ADA looked back at Olivia and Noah, watching briefly as Noah leaned back and Olivia encouraged him to let her take his weight. He laughed as he swung in her arms and Barba smiled when he looked back at the man. He really was about to correct him but suddenly couldn't bear to, he just nodded silently with a proud smile.

* * *

After about ten minutes, a young man walked out with three boxes and a brown paper bag with a handle. "Order to go?"

Barba stepped forward, collected the order and nodded at the two men, "Thank you, see you again."

He walked out into the street and Noah turned and grinned at him, "Uncle Rafa! Pizza time?"

He smiled at his young friend, "See, I knew you just wanted me for my pizza!"

Noah grinned and reached out his hand towards him, "Home?"

"Home," Barba nodded and then held out the brown bag. "Think you can be a big boy and carry the ice cream?"

Noah smiled excitedly and reached up to take the bag.

"We have ice cream?" Olivia asked as Barba wrapped her into his side and they started to walk back towards the apartment.

"Strawberry and pistachio," Barba confirmed. "Noah, can you hold Mommy's hand?"

Olivia felt Noah's hand as it slipped into hers.

* * *

After their pizza, Barba, Olivia and Noah all sat together and listened to some more of their Harry Potter book. Noah hadn't seemed concerned by their increased intimacy, so after a little while, Olivia lay against Barba's side and smiled contentedly when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and encouraged her to lay her head on his chest.

A few minutes later, Noah climbed up into his mommy's lap and lay with them, his legs resting over Barba's.

"Uncle Rafa," Noah said softly, momentarily distracted from the book by his own thoughts, "I've really enjoyed tonight - nap time, pizza and Harry."

"We could try to do this more often, Noah?" Olivia suggested. "Even if…or when…I go back to work. We can make sure we have family dinner time and chats as often as possible."

"And if you have to go in for emerg-sees? Then Uncle Rafa will stay and play with me until you get home?" Noah checked.

Barba picked up his phone and paused the book.

"Noah, baby, it's not that simple. Uncle Rafa might have to go to work as well…and you know that he doesn't live here with us. Uncle Rafa is only here for sleepovers while mommy is getting better…" Olivia tried to explain.

Noah frowned, "But…does that mean Uncle Rafa doesn't like it here?"

Barba shook his head quickly and moved slightly to look into his eyes, "Noah, being with you and your mommy is my favourite place in the world. This might not be my home, but you are my family. Remember I am _your_ Uncle Rafa, and even when I need to move back to my place I promise we'll still see each other all the time."

Noah's eyes widened and then began to well with emotion. Barba looked at Olivia with a panicked expression but then realised that she couldn't see her son's tears. However, the look of concern on her face told him that she could tell that something was wrong.

"Noah…hey…come on…what's wrong?" Barba said and moved forward. Olivia turned a little and wrapped her arms around Noah tightly as her son looked tearfully at her friend.

"I thought maybe…I thought maybe…" Tears ran down Noah's little face now and he swiped at them with the frustration of a little boy who was already worried that he was 'too big' to cry.

"Sweet boy, what's wrong?" Olivia asked with anxiety.

"You both said 'family', so I thought maybe Uncle Rafa might stay here with us forever…" Noah mumbled tearfully, and then he buried his face into Olivia's shoulder.

Barba panicked, hating to see the little boy so upset, especially when he seemed to be the cause.

However, Olivia took a calming deep breath. She held Noah tightly and reached along Barba's thigh, searching for his hand - then she smiled a little when she felt it slide into hers.

"I'll stay right here with you for as long as you need me, Noah, I promise," Barba tried to reassure.

"So if we need you forever that means you can never leave?" Noah bargained with a tearful smile.

Olivia laughed a little now, "You'll make a lawyer out of him yet, Rafa!" She observed and threaded her fingers through Barba's, lacing them together. She kissed Noah's head and then spoke calmly, "Do you think that you can be patient with us for a little while?" Olivia asked, then tightened her grip on Barba's hand.

"Patient?" Noah asked looking a little confused.

"Can you trust us and allow us a little time?" she explained and combed her hand into his hair.

Noah thought for a moment and then looked up at Barba, "If you want to stay, but Mommy doesn't want to share her room anymore, maybe you could share my bedroom, Uncle Rafa? You could bring your bed from home…"

Barba smirked and Olivia couldn't help but laugh, "That's okay, baby, I can promise you that Uncle Rafa is _always_ going to be welcome to share my room."

Noah smiled a little now, 'always' definitely sounded like a really long time. "You did look very comfortable this afternoon," he nodded with a contented smile.

_TBC…_


	13. For As Long As You Need Me

Later that evening, Barba had offered to put Noah to bed while Olivia went through to the bathroom to have a shower. Her confidence had been growing over the last few days and she'd insisted that she would be happy to once again experiment with solo showering. As Olivia stood and let the water spray down her back she thought back to the evening with _her_ Rafael and Noah. She smiled and closed her eyes to the relatively novel glare of light. An uncomfortable strain on her eyes in spite of the spark of hope that it ignited.

A few days ago this shower stall would have felt disorienting and confusing, but facing her fears and sharing them with Barba had genuinely seemed to lessen her anxieties. Maybe the cliche was true, trouble shared really was trouble halved. After rinsing her hair she climbed carefully out of the cubical and noticed how her eyes flashed piercingly in the changing light – the confirmation that her eyes seemed to be transferring messages to her brain made Olivia's heart beat a little faster.

She reached along the wall until she found the rail and a large warm towel that Barba had assured her would be waiting for her, she wrapped it under her arms and smiled, still surprised at how comfortable she felt being looked after.

Olivia was just concluding brushing her teeth when she heard the door open from their bedroom and then felt two large hands grip firmly around her waist.

"God! Rafa!" Olivia gasped in shock and then laughed with immediate relief. "You startled me!"

Barba hummed with amusement in his voice as he slipped his arms around her waist, he pulled her back against his body while his mouth trailed along her damp shoulder. "You look beautiful …" he whispered against her skin.

Olivia smiled and leaned her weight into his body, "Mi amor, I'm wearing a towel."

_"Mmmmm…"_ Barba's groan resonated behind her ear at the term of endearment from her lips, "…and it looks amazing on you." His hand reached to pull up the edge of the towel and she laughed.

"You know…" Olivia whispered a little self-consciously, "I haven't shaved my legs since before…what happened. I hadn't even thought…"

Barba huffed and rolled his eyes, his teeth grazing up her neck tenderly, "You really think I give a damn about that?"

She smiled and was surprised to feel tears well in her eyes, overwhelmed once more by the serene feeling of love and peace she felt in her friend's arms. "I guess not, I just…"

Barba tugged her towel loose and it dropped away, catching on the front of the bathroom counter for a few seconds before he drew her back against him and it fell to the floor. "This okay?" Barba asked roughly as his hand slipped down and his middle fingers sought out her clit.

"Mmmmm…_"_ Olivia hummed in agreement and licked her lips, "…I just wish I could see us…"

Barba looked up at their reflection in the mirror, then smiled with profound appreciation and the slightest hint of sadness. "You look amazing, Liv…stretched out for me…" he licked his lips and then began to circle his finger gently and teasingly over her pulsing centre. "Your neck is taut, your head strained back against my shoulder…your nipples…" his free hand came up to flick one deliberately, "…your nipples are rigid and dark. I can see you…you're glistening…and I can see…" he groaned and slipped two fingers inside her core as his tongue swiped hungrily up her throat.

Olivia smiled and bit her bottom lip, pushing her ass back against his solid length before reaching behind her and searching for the zip on his pants.

"Do you want to move to...? Maybe the bed? You might feel more...secure...?" Barba asked a little breathlessly.

Olivia shook her head quickly, "Here…like this…Rafa, I need you to _take_ me right now…"

Barba groaned and quickly pulled back to unfasten his pants and tug them open. He pulled his underwear down enough to free his cock and then moved forward to stroke the broad head slowly between her legs, feeling Olivia's warmth coat him.

"Ohhhh, Rafa…" she groaned and then turned her head to the side to meet his lips. She braced one hand on the counter as the other reached back and gripped his ass - pulling him against her as she pushed back toward him.

"Déjame cuidarte, mi alma," Barba gasped, and then drove his tongue into her mouth eagerly, generating a deep moan from her throat.

"Rafael," Olivia repeated against his mouth and then grazed his lips with her teeth when his hand moved up to firmly massage her breast. She stepped to one side, widening her stance and then pushing eagerly back against him.

Barba reached down to line himself up, shifting forward a little and then humming when he finally began to slide home. "God, Liv…" he keened, then pulled back a little and kissed along her shoulder as he thrust deep inside her grasping core. "Okay?" He checked in a little breathlessly.

"Perfect…" Olivia gasped, then he changed his angle a little and she growled, "...oh fuck, even _more_ perfect..." she added with a slightly overwhelmed laugh as her forehead dropped down to rest on her forearms.

Barba grunted in agreement and then began to speed up, one hand moving up to grasp her waist as the other reached to comb through her hair and then grip firmly into her silky brunette locks.

"Hmmm…feels so good…" Olivia groaned and strained her head back into his grasp. Two more thrusts and she clenched hard, his deep penetration pushing her over the edge with a broken groan. "Ahh…fuck…Rafa, you feel…" She suddenly gasped loudly; shock, desire and pleasure mixing with overwhelming pressure in her core before she felt his hand reach to cover her mouth firmly.

_"Noah!"_ Barba hissed with humor and sharp caution in his tone. He felt her teeth against his palm as she came down from her orgasm and smiled, then her tongue flicked out to taste his skin. "You liked that?" He observed teasingly.

"I like _you,"_ She retorted and pulled back to nip the bottom of his hand sharply.

"Like?" He teased.

Olivia pulled forward without warning and then turned to face him, her hand reaching up to trace down the side of his face as she seemed to stare sightlessly into his soul. "Te adoro..." She clarified earnestly and then gasped when his hands gripped her thighs and lifted her up onto the counter before plunging back up inside her core. She threaded her fingers into his hair and kissed his lips with a possessive intensity that Barba had only dreamed of, as her legs wrapped around him and her hips thrust forward. "Come for me..." she enticed breathlessly as his mouth dropped to the crook of her neck; licking, biting and sucking languidly.

"You...again..." he insisted, then licked up her throat and provoked a shudder through her entire body.

"I don't think..." she started to protest, then Barba stole the words right out of her mouth when he shifted down a little, thrusting up at a new angle and causing her to groan when a second orgasm rocked through her body without warning.

"Gahhhhh…" he gasped almost silently as he came inside her and closed his eyes, "…Dios, Liv…"

Olivia held him close, encased in her legs and arms, then ran her fingers up and down his sweat-damp back as she breathed heavily against his neck.

After several long moments, Barba pulled back and kissed her temple lovingly before trailing his lips down the side of her face. "Seriously, how did I get this lucky?" He asked when his mouth finally reached hers.

"Caught me at a bad moment?" Olivia joked and then lightly nipped his lower lip.

Barba smirked and rolled his eyes, "Bed, Lieutenant?"

"Bed, counsellor," Olivia agreed with an amused smile, '...give me a minute and I'll join you."

* * *

Barba slipped into bed and closed his eyes, then what felt like moments later the bed moved as Olivia carefully climbed in beside him. He smiled when the expanse of her soft skin shifted against him as she wrapped into his embrace.

"You're so warm," Olivia whispered softly, snuggling up and pressing her lips and nose into the crook of his neck.

"I have my uses," he joked with an affectionate smile and then moved his hand up to comb his fingers through her hair.

"Several," Olivia teased. Then she was quiet for as long as a minute before nervously adding, "Stay?"

Barba was silent, reluctant to misinterpret what she was asking but knowing that she was not expecting him to leave her bed that night.

"I know that it's too early to make plans, but I just wanted you to know that everything Noah said...I feel the same way. I don't know what our future is going to look like, Rafa...but the only future I can even begin to imagine anymore is with you." Olivia whispered the words quietly, nervous of speaking them out loud, but knowing that she needed to be bold. She had lost too much by allowing herself to be reticent and protect her heart, but she could not lose _this_ the same way. They couldn't exist in this bubble forever...but to come home to this? That could change everything.

"Liv…" Barba started to speak but Olivia cut in.

"Shhh…you don't need to respond now and we don't even need to consider logistics…or, of course, work. I'm just…I just wanted to let you know…to let you know that you…" she paused and then tried to voice her incoherent thoughts, "…you will always have a home here, Rafael…with me and Noah."

"Liv…" Barba tried again but Olivia nervously continued.

"Of course, I know that you have your own home…and I understand how much you're putting on hold to help us right now. I'm not presuming anything…or even asking for anything…"

Barba was simultaneously touched and entertained by Olivia Benson's uncharacteristically nervous rambling. "Liv," he tried again with an amused chuckle and then shifted a little down the bed to look into her wandering gaze. Then he surprised her by kissing the end of her nose, "…please shut up."

Olivia looked momentarily taken aback and was about to retort when Barba placed his fingers on her lips.

"Liv, I love you and I love your son, you are already the only home I will ever need. I'm here for you...always…so if you need me forever then this is exactly where I'll be. That is just a fact." Barba finished his quiet yet confident words and fell silent, waiting for Olivia's response.

"Forever?" Olivia clarified with a smile.

"For as long as you need me…" Barba assured.

"For as long as I want you?" Olivia added and pressed her lips to his teasingly.

Barba smirked, "That too."

Olivia snuggled against him and let out a long peaceful sigh. "Forever," she whispered again after a few moments, but this time with absolutely no doubt in her tone.

"Don't worry about work…" he paused and then continued combing this fingers through her hair soothingly, "…I love our work, but I guess I've stayed in that office for longer than I'd intended…partly because of you."

"But…" Olivia started to argue.

"You could find another ADA," Barba suggested.

Olivia was quiet for a moment and then responded softly, "I might be changing my mind - I'm not sure that domestic bliss is worth the stress of breaking in a new ADA. Do you know how many headaches you gave me during that first year?"

Barba smirked and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not even joking," Olivia continued with a smile, joy radiating from her voice, "…we're talking maybe a 10% increase in my wine purchases."

"Liv…" Barba warned with a deep yet amused tone.

"Maybe coming home to a cold bed every night is just the price I'll have to pay for a harmonious work environment," Olivia grinned against his collarbone.

"Harmonious?" Barba snorted with amusement and rolled his eyes. "When you've finished with that rose-tinted reel of memories I might want to have a look."

Olivia laughed, "We can be harmonious…" she teased happily.

"In bed? Yes. At home? Usually. In the office? _Mostly…_" Barba allowed.

"We work well together," Olivia contended more seriously.

"We do, Cariño," Barba agreed and held her close, "…I've never had a better partner, but I'd give that all up tomorrow for this, and I know you would too..." he paused and then added, "...I do offer a massage service at the end of long days."

"You sound pretty sure of yourself, Barba," she teased and then continued more seriously, "…I will give it up, Rafael. For _this._ As long as you are sure it's what you want?"

"You?" He asked with concern that he'd left her with any doubts.

Olivia laughed softly, "I meant moving on at work..."

"You're letting me go that easily?" Barba asked with mock offence.

"Work can suffer, I want you right where you are…in my bed..." Olivia hummed happily and closed her eyes.

"Who are you and what have you done with _my_ Lieutenant Benson?" Barba teased.

Olivia smiled and nipped his skin with her teeth, "Hush, mi amor, you and I are too wise to woo peaceably."

Barba grinned, "_And_ she quotes Shakespeare…"

She rolled her eyes and then slapped his arm lightly, "Go to sleep, Rafa…"

"If music be the food of love, play on…" he continued to taunt.

"If you don't shut up and go to sleep you're moving to the sofa…" Olivia smirked and closed her eyes.

"Ah, so the honeymoon period is over?" Barba joked theatrically.

_"Barba…"_ Olivia growled.

He smiled happily and kissed her forehead.

After a few seconds, Olivia sighed, "When I said 'shut up' I didn't mean entirely."

Barba closed his eyes with a peaceful smile, "I love you…"

"That's better," Olivia sighed happily.

"Goodnight," he added and kissed her forehead again.

"Goodnight, mi alma," Olivia whispered softly and soon drifted off into a deep sleep.

* * *

The following evening, Barba walked around the sofa to sit next to Olivia and casually reached over to slip his hand into hers.

"…So my right's as Noah's grandmother," Sheila slowed and paused for a second, glancing at their joined hands, then she tightened her expression a little and continued, "…should mean that I can at least get initial access to my grandson."

"I _am_ his mother," Olivia pointed out calmly, but with an edge of frustration.

Sheila sighed and glanced briefly at Barba, "Why? Because your friends stepped in and ensured that a judge signed a piece of paper? He's my blood."

Barba bristled and then felt Olivia squeeze his hand, silently telling him to back down.

"Family is _so_ much more than that," Olivia contended calmly, "I put Noah to bed at night and read him stories, wake him in the morning and get him ready for school, I know which is his favorite Lego and which toy he cannot sleep without…" she looked over at Barba briefly and then continued, "…I know that his new favourite food is his Uncle Rafa's roast pork and…and I know that my son loves me, Ms Porter. I am his mommy by choice, mine _and_ his."

Sheila's jaw tensed and she looked over at Barba, "And you, ADA Barba…"

Olivia smiled almost imperceptibly when she noticed that their guest seemed to have moved on from 'Rafael'.

"…Where do you fit into all this?" Sheila finished.

"I love Noah and his mother very much," Barba replied frankly, "…ultimately, they are where I see my future. However, I also need to echo what Olivia told you the other night, I will use whatever power and influence I have at my disposal to protect them from harm."

Sheila sucked in a sharp breath, "Mr Barba, threats won't…"

Barba held up his free hand in submission, "That was not intended as intimidation, Ms Porter. I am simply pointing out that it is human nature to protect those we love by any means necessary. So if you become a threat to their happiness I will use whatever legislative influence I have at my disposal to take you down."

"Rafa!" Olivia cut in sharply and reached over to clasp his hand between both of hers. "My…" she stumbled over what she was about to call him and then quickly settled on, "…_Rafael_ isn't intentionally being combative, Ms Porter. He's a district attorney and is used to arguing his points in a courtroom."

Barba let out a long breath and closed his eyes, coaching himself to remain calm.

Sheila looked between them both a couple of times and then settled her eyes back onto Olivia, "Oh no, Ms Benson…it's important that we know where we stand from the start. So how do you see this working?"

"I'm…" Olivia paused, thinking about Barba briefly before continuing, "…_we_ are happy for you to have what we consider to be reasonable supervised access to Noah."

"Supervised?!" Sheila asked with shock and outrage.

"We don't know you, Ms Porter, and neither does Noah," Barba pointed out calmly.

"Surely you can't expect me to just hand my son over to a complete stranger, someone he has never met?" Olivia asked pointedly.

"I'm his grandmother," Sheila maintained.

"You were Ellie's mother, and I am not trying to lessen the role that you could have in Noah's life…but Noah doesn't know you, he didn't even know his birth mother. This is what I need to make me feel comfortable, at least in the short-term," Olivia explained.

"Ms Benson…!" Sheila started to argue again.

"I have no doubt that this would be an inconvenience to you, Ms Porter," Barba conceded, "…but we all want the same thing, to ensure Noah's safety and wellbeing. Olivia is willing to make the first concession, to step back and give you space to get to know Noah…but only in the presence of supervision. We have three police officers who have agreed to supervise your meetings; Noah knows them and will be comfortable in their presence."

"Why do you get to choose the supervision?" Sheila asked.

"Because I trust them, and so does Noah," Olivia stated simply. "This isn't about our own needs, Ms Porter, I assume we all want what is best for Noah?

Sheila smirked a little but said nothing, she couldn't exactly argue with that.

"Six months," Barba stated, "…during that time we will all meet with child services for regular meetings and you will undergo reviews."

"That's ridiculous!" Sheila laughed bitterly.

"I don't know you," Olivia restated firmly, "...and I need you to consider the optics here - a police lieutenant and ADA, versus a single woman who had little contact with her daughter and has taken until _now_ to get in touch. I repeat, my son doesn't know you, Ms Porter. If you think that you have the upper hand in this situation then you are severely mistaken."

Barba smiled a little, heartened to hear Olivia's mettle recovering. He sat watching Sheila begin to process what had been said.

Olivia spoke again with a softer tone, "I would like Noah to have a wider family, Sheila, which is something that I never had...but I need you to remember that he will always be _my_ son."

Sheila stood now and began to pull on her jacket, "Give me a few days, I will talk to my lawyer and get back to you."

Barba leaned over and kissed Olivia's temple as she said goodbye to their visitor and then stood to walk Sheila to the door.

"So you want to be my grandson's father, Mr Barba?" Their guest asked quietly as she walked through the door and then turned a little to look back at him.

Barba didn't reply but watched Sheila regard him with strangely cold acceptance. Unlike her first visit, there was something behind the woman's eyes that he couldn't figure out and that made him uncharacteristically nervous.

Then Sheila Porter turned and walked away.

_TBC…_


	14. Take My Hand

Olivia lay her head back and smiled as she let the warm water infuse into her body and soak away her cares, then she laughed softly as Barba stroked his hand down one of her legs and then lifted it onto his shoulder. She could see his face in her mind, sitting opposite her in the bath...then she wiggled her foot a little, catching one of his ears teasingly with her toe as she felt the razor slide smoothly over her skin.

"This is nice," she observed contently, "...it usually feels like more of a chore."

"I'm happy to volunteer my services at any time in the future," Barba offered generously, "...stroking my hands down your legs might be one of my new favorite pastimes."

"I'll remember that," she said happily and relaxed a little deeper into the tub as Barba continued his assignment. She felt him slowly and methodically shave one leg before slipping it carefully back under the water and stroking over her smooth skin. Then he lifted up the other leg and continued.

"You know, you didn't have to do this on my account," he observed softly and then she felt him press his lips just above her ankle.

"Well, _I'm_ not doing anything," she retorted with a smile, "…and I think I like being pampered by you, it's certainly better than any day spa."

Barba chuckled softly as he finished the other leg and then made Olivia jump a little when he slid his tongue along the inside of her calf.

"Barba!" She gasped and laughed, but didn't even attempt to move her leg.

"So it's Barba again now?" He teased.

"Only when you're been infuriating," she smiled and breathed out slowly, settling down again and allowing him to slip her leg back under the water. "Besides…Barba, Rafael, Rafa…what does it matter? They all add up to the same thing now. You. Rafael Barba. _Mine."_

Barba laughed softly and was genuinely surprised to feel tears well in his eyes. "I never knew that you had such a possessive streak, Lieutenant Benson," he teased weakly.

Olivia laughed, "I guess that I finally have a couple of things worth holding on to," she acknowledged with a hint of sadness slipping into her smile, "…my family…" she curved her hand around his knee slowly, "…it's a little terrifying, you know? Letting myself need something and accepting that I could lose it."

"You won't lose anything, Liv," Barba assured a little more sharply than he intended, "…I'm not going anywhere, and neither is Noah. Please, allow yourself to have faith in that."

"I was always surprised by how easy I found it to have faith in you," Olivia reassured and then sat up a little, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around one of his knees, pulling him close, "...it's _life_ that tends to fuck me over."

Barba laughed a little sadly and nodded, then leaned forward and slipped his hands into hers. He stood and carefully pulled Olivia to her feet, then just when he was about to step out of the bath she sensed his movement and pulled him back towards her, wrapping her arms over his shoulders and snuggling her face into the crook of his neck. "I love you," she whispered softly.

"Ditto," Barba replied and then pressed his lips to hers before guiding her out onto the floor. "Shall we have an early night? It's been a long day..."

Olivia smiled and nodded, "That sounds perfect."

* * *

Barba had slowly and thoroughly dried Olivia's body, in spite of her amused insistence that she was more than capable of using a towel. Then they had climbed into bed and interlocked under the sheets, tracing each other's skin aimlessly for several minutes before Olivia had finally drifted off to sleep with his lips pressed affectionately against her neck.

A while later, Olivia woke and reached out to find herself alone in bed. She felt sure that it was still dark and couldn't hear movement in the bathroom, so she carefully slipped out of bed and found her way down the now-familiar route toward Noah's bedroom.

She slowed when she heard a quiet conversation and then stopped outside the room.

"…You never have to be afraid of that, Noah," Barba whispered softly, "…shall I let you into a secret?"

There was silence, during which Olivia assumed Noah had nodded because soon Barba continued.

"I love your mommy very much, and I want her eyes to get better more than anything else in the world…but I'm not worried, because your mommy is the strongest person that I have ever met. I am absolutely certain that everything will be okay…because your mommy is a _superhero _and superheroes always win in the end, don't they?"

Olivia smiled and leaned her head against the wall, listening to her lover talking to her son and feeling that finally, in spite of everything, life seemed to be turning in her favor.

"Really, Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked with a smile that Olivia could almost see.

"Absolutely," Barba assured firmly, "…your mommy is my hero, my best friend and the bravest person that I know. You never need to be afraid, Noah."

"I love when you're here with us, Uncle Rafa," Noah said genuinely and Olivia could hear that any worry and tension had left her son's voice, "…we feel like family."

"And I love being here with you," Barba replied softly. "Now do you think you can sleep again? Would you like a story? I could read to you until you go to sleep…?"

"Sometimes when I have bad dreams Mommy sings to me," Noah told Barba expectantly.

Olivia smiled with amusement, she was sure Barba wasn't about to run with that plan, but then she heard the sound of Noah's bedside light being switched off.

"Okay, I can do that. Now lie down and close your eyes, I'll be right here with you until you go to sleep, okay?" Barba whispered softly and Olivia bit her lip at the serge of emotion through her body.

"Goodnight, Uncle Rafa," she Noah reply sleepily.

Then she held her breath when she heard Barba start to sing softly. She recognised the song, but wasn't sure where it was from…

** _Nothing's gonna harm you_ **

** _Not while I'm around_ **

** _Nothing's gonna harm you_ **

** _No sir, not while I'm around_ **

** _Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays_ **

** _I'll send them howling, I don't care, I've got ways_ **

** _No one's gonna hurt you_ **

** _No one's gonna dare_ **

** _Others can desert you_ **

** _Not to worry, whistle I'll be there_ **

** _Demons'll charm you with a smile for a while_ **

** _But in time_ **

** _Nothing can harm you, not while I'm around…_ **

Olivia was so taken aback by the beautiful song that she didn't even register it was over until she suddenly felt Barba's warm hands come to rest on her hips.

"Hey, Liv, are you okay? Did we wake you?" Barba asked softly and encouraged her into his arms.

Olivia shook her head immediately but then buried her face against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him fiercely.

"Hey, hey…are you crying? What's wrong, mi amor?" Barba said with concern as he encircled her into his tight embrace and then pressed his lips to the side of her throat.

Olivia laughed a little and shook her head, "I…I heard you singing to Noah. It was beautiful, Rafael…you were…" she paused and then concluded simply, "…I love you, Rafael Barba."

Barba held her firmly and Olivia acknowledged silently for the first time that she had never let her guard down completely and allowed herself to feel as safe as she felt in his arms, not for one moment in her life.

"Let's go back to bed," Barba whispered softly and began to walk them towards her bedroom.

* * *

The next four weeks went by relatively uneventfully.

Olivia had sat down with Noah one evening while Barba cooked dinner, she had explained to him who Sheila was and that as long as he was happy they would be spending some time together over the next few months. Noah seemed content enough with the idea and was ultimately intrigued to meet his new grandmother, especially when he realised that either Uncle Fin, Uncle Carisi or Auntie Amanda would be coming along to hang out with them.

So every Saturday morning Sheila Porter started to meet Noah from his home and take him out - the first week they went to the park and met some penguins, the following week they went for burgers and milkshakes, and then last week Grandma Sheila had taken Noah to the movies. It was all going really smoothly and both Olivia and Barba were relieved to see that Noah seemed happy and relaxed about the whole process.

Olivia's sight had continued to show improvement - she could now make out shapes and was able to navigate easily around her home. This meant that on the Saturday morning of Sheila Porter's fourth visit Olivia had insisted that Barba should go and spend the morning in work. He'd been starting to return for half days on Thursday, Friday and Saturday for the past week and a half and both were becoming increasingly comfortable with her being left alone…even though neither had even attempted to introduce the idea of him moving back to his own apartment. In fact, most of his things were now happily settled into 'their' bedroom and Noah had long stopped worrying about his Uncle Rafa leaving.

An hour after Barba had left for work, Noah was helping his mommy to make some sandwiches when they heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" Noah said excitedly.

"Oh, no," Olivia said quickly, "…Mommy can do that now and you are too young to be opening the door to strangers."

"Maybe it's Uncle Fin!" Noah protested, "…or even Uncle Rafa!"

Olivia laughed lightly and leaned to kiss his head as she walked behind and slowly made her way towards the door. "You know that Uncle Fin is never early…and Uncle Rafa has his own keys…"

Noah rolled his eyes a little but remained seated as he watched his mommy walk towards the door while he carefully attempted to wrap the sandwich ready for his trip to the Natural History Museum. "Mommy, will there be dinosaurs?" Noah asked, sticking his tongue out a little while he concentrated on his wrap.

"You can be sure there will be!" Sheila said enthusiastically as she walked through with Olivia.

"Grandma Sheila! You're early!" Noah responded excitedly, jumping down from his seat and running over to give the lady a hug.

"Hey, baby boy," Sheila said as she dropped down and returned his embrace. "You almost ready to go?"

"Sure am, Grandma Sheila!" Noah said happily nodding back at his lunch, "…but Uncle Fin is never early," he quoted his mommy very solemnly and Olivia smiled at him with affection.

"How about you go to brush your teeth and then pack your backpack?" Olivia suggested. "Don't forget to pack a sweater in case it gets cold."

"Sure, mommy!" Noah agreed excitedly and rushed off towards his bedroom.

"He's quite a fastidious packer so we might be waiting a while, can I get you a coffee?" Olivia smiled at Sheila and walked towards the pot.

"Are you okay doing that…?" Sheila started to ask.

"My sight hasn't returned yet, but I can see well enough to move around," Olivia explained with a smile and poured them both a cup of steaming hot coffee. She walked around the table, sat on a seat near to Sheila and passed her a drink.

"Thank you," Sheila said politely.

"Noah has been really enjoying your time together," Olivia observed with a warm smile.

"So have I," Sheila nodded and sipped her coffee, "…but the trips to child services, not so much."

Olivia nodded empathetically, "It wasn't a straight road for me either, a single woman with a demanding and dangerous job - but I jumped through every hoop they placed in front of me. We need to do this properly, Sheila, and Noah is worth all the trouble."

Then Olivia was heartened by the affection that she could hear in Sheila's voice when she readily agreed, "He sure is." There were a few moments of comfortable silence before she added, "Is your guard dog at work again today?"

"My guard dog?" Olivia laughed.

"Rafael, he's certainly protective…of you _and_ Noah…" Sheila observed.

Olivia smiled, "We've had a tough few weeks, he worries about us."

"We all want what is best for Noah, Olivia," Sheila answer distractedly and glanced towards Noah's bedroom. "So Rafael is out?"

Olivia nodded as she drank her coffee. "I know that Rafael has been in 'lawyer mode' with you recently, but he really is a wonderful man…he adores Noah."

"And his mother…" Sheila added.

"True," Olivia replied with a hint of pride in her smile. "How are you doing for coffee? Can I get you another cup?"

"Maybe a top-up," Sheila held out her cup and watched as Olivia walked over to the pot.

"You know Fin is going to be a while, maybe I could call and ask him to meet you there?" Olivia suggested thoughtfully as she turned towards her guest. "Can I ask what time it is?"

Sheila looked up at the clock, "A little before 10."

Olivia nodded and felt along the counter for her phone, "I…if you can help me I could ring Fin…?"

Suddenly there was a noise from the doorway and a clatter as the door closed and something was dropped to the floor.

"Just me, Liv!" Barba called through from the hallway. "I've brought some work home, I decided that I prefer the company here…"

Olivia sensed some sudden movement, then felt a burning splash across her face followed by a loud thud and a groan.

"What? What just happened? Rafael? Sheila?" Olivia swiped her hands over the burning hot coffee dripping down her face and then carefully made her way along the kitchen counter. She blinked and could see the movement of two indistinct forms near the entrance to the hallway.

"I'm going to need you to remain extremely quiet, Olivia," Sheila said calmly, "…we wouldn't want to scare Noah."

"Rafael?!" Olivia gasped out and reached towards them.

"Liv, stay back! I'm okay…" Barba assured a little breathlessly as he ran his hand over the back of his head and then closed his eyes woozily.

"I need you both to stay calm…" Sheila glanced over at Noah's bedroom door with obvious panic, this was never the plan - the gun was only meant to be for extra security. She looked back toward Barba as she held her gun steadily at his head. "Now, Olivia, I have a gun to your boyfriend's head. I don't want to scare Noah so I'm going to slip the weapon into my pocket…but I need you to remember where this gun is pointing."

"Please don't…" Olivia gasped and reached towards them in reflex.

"When Noah comes out you are going to pretend that everything is just fine, then Noah and I are going to walk out of here together," Sheila explained a little more confidently.

"Like hell you are!" Barba growled, "You might as well shoot me right now…"

"Rafael, quiet!" Olivia scolded angrily, he didn't need to be opening his mouth and winding up Sheila.

"Liv, don't worry about me, I…" Barba started to argue.

"Sheila isn't interested in hurting Noah," Olivia snapped at him sharply, panic whirling through her mind as she tried to work through a plan.

Suddenly the door opened and Noah ran through with his bag in one hand and Eddie in the other, "Mommy can I take Eddie…?" He paused when he saw Barba sitting on the floor near the hall and looked confused. "Uncle Rafa! You're home! That's a funny place to sit! Are you tired from work? Do you need a hug?" He ran over and jumped into Barba's lap, wrapping his arms around his friend's neck and closing his eyes.

"I'm okay, Mijo," Barba said nervously and glanced up at Sheila, "…I just needed a sit-down."

Noah nodded and moved to sit on the ADAs lap, playing with his tie, "Now you're home maybe you could come with us to see the dinosaurs? Eddie can come too. Uncle Rafa, do you think elephants and dinosaurs were friends?"

Barba kept his eyes on Sheila cautiously and lifted his hand, nodding to Noah and signalling that he just wanted to put his arm around the child.

Sheila nodded but frowned at the exchange, she'd rarely seen the two interact and hadn't realised how close they clearly were. She watched Barba wrap his arm around her grandson and then shifted her hand on her unfamiliar weapon.

"We're going to leave in a minute, Noah, we're meeting Uncle Fin at the museum," Sheila explained, glancing between Olivia and Barba nervously.

"Can Uncle Rafa come with us?" Noah asked. "He seems a little sad and maybe the dinosaurs might make him feel a little better…"

"These trips are just for us, Noah, to give us a chance to get to know each other…I'm sure that Mr Barba will be just fine here with your mommy," Sheila negotiated.

Noah frowned a little and nodded thoughtfully, but then he turned, looked up at Barba and gasped. He moved up onto his knees and reached out to a trickle of blood near Barba's ear, "Uncle Rafa, you have a boo-boo!" He exclaimed with wide eyes.

"I just knocked my head a little," Barba said quickly and glanced up at Olivia, who looked as panicked as he felt, "...it's nothing."

"Mommy, Uncle Rafa is bleeding blood! He has _blood _on his face…." He looked back at his mommy with tears in his eyes.

"Everything is just fine, Noah," Olivia attempted to calm him, but then was frustrated with herself when she could hear her voice shaking.

"I think it's time for us to leave, Noah," Sheila held out her hand but Noah didn't move from Barba's lap.

"I don't want to leave, Grandma Sheila, I think Uncle Rafa is poorly..." Noah frowned at Sheila thoughtfully - he was starting to realise that she wasn't as worried about his Uncle Rafa as a nice person should be and suddenly felt a little unsure. He edged back away from her and a little closer to Barba.

"Mr Barba is fine, Noah, come with Grandma Sheila now…" Sheila said a little sharply and went to grab his hand.

_"No!" _Noah screamed and gripped onto Barba's arm.

"It's time to do as you're told, Noah," Sheila tried again.

"Mommy, I don't want to go with Grandma Sheila today," Noah looked over at Olivia plaintively.

"You can't make him leave with you, Sheila," Olivia said calmly, "…just walk away."

"Remember what I told you…" Sheila warned and moved the hand in her pocket.

_"Please, _Sheila…" Olivia asked, desperation filtering into her voice.

"Mommy…?" Noah asked tearfully from the floor, he could see now that his mommy was scared and he didn't like this at all.

Barba moved cautiously so that he was in-between Noah and his grandmother, it seemed obvious that she didn't want to hurt the boy but he was unsure how familiar she was with handling a weapon and was terrified that a standoff could lead to an accident.

His uncle's protective instinct seemed to trigger something in Noah's young mind and he sobbed a little, "Grandma Sheila? Did you hurt my Uncle Rafa?"

Sheila turned quickly to look at Noah, "That man is not your uncle, Noah!"

"Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked tearfully and wrapped his arms around the man's neck.

"Just walk towards mommy, Noah," Barba said calmly, "…I promise we're all going to be just fine."

Olivia could see the moving shadows of Barba and Noah on the floor and Sheila nearby, but not enough to clearly understand what was happening.

"No!" Noah cried.

"Baby, come to me," Olivia reached out her hand towards her son.

"No!" Noah repeated. He looked up at Sheila tearfully and rested his hand on Barba's chest. "Leave my Uncle Rafa alone!"

"Noah, sweetheart," Olivia hissed desperately, "…I need you to come to me, mommy can't see you…"

"Mommy, why would Grandma Sheila hurt Uncle Rafa?" Noah sobbed as he scrambled onto Barba's lap without warning and wrapped his arms around his neck fiercely.

Sheila looked over at Olivia, who was stood with her palms up and a panicked expression on her face. "Please, Sheila, Noah _loves _Rafael…surely you can see that if you hurt him you are never going to be able to rebuild your relationship."

Feeling like she was losing control of the situation, Sheila took the gun out of her pocket and watched Noah's eyes widen, he recognised what a gun was and he knew that they were bad.

"Your mommy and Mr Barba are trying to keep us apart, baby boy," Sheila tried to explain. "I'm your Grandmother, you're all I have left, but they…" she paused and shook her head with frustration, "…just come to me Noah, I promise we'll be okay. I won't hurt Mr Barba, just come over here to me…"

Noah looked at Barba and bit his lip, "Uncle Rafa?"

"Go to mommy, Mijo, you don't have to go anywhere with this lady," Barba reassured.

"But, Uncle Rafa…" Noah looked up at Sheila with wide tearful eyes.

"Mr Barba is _not _your uncle!" Sheila snapped at him and Noah recoiled, "…and he is certainly not your father!"

"Mommy!" Noah cried out but reached back to his Uncle Rafa again. "Uncle Rafa…he cooks my dinner, he puts me to bed and takes me to school, he…he…reads me stories and sings me to sleep when I have a nightmare, just like mommy…he…he…"

Sheila looked over at Olivia and felt the situation spinning further out of her control. She had seen the bond between Olivia Benson and her lover and had calculated that if necessary she could use that to her advantage, but she hadn't realised the extent of her grandson's relationship with the man and this was beginning to derail her plan.

"Noah, with me!" Sheila barked a little sharply and held out her hand again, directing with the gun.

"There's no way in hell that Noah is leaving with you!" Barba growled as he twisted away, pulling Noah forcefully behind his back.

Sheila held up the gun to Barba's head and gritted her teeth, "Let the boy come to me."

"No chance!" Barba growled.

"Please, Sheila, this is crazy!" Olivia pleaded and stepped closer to Barba and Noah.

"Stay where you are!" Sheila shouted, waving the gun at Olivia briefly and then back at Barba. "Noah, you can go to your mommy…" She tried to negotiate, wanting her grandson out of the line of fire.

"You'll hurt my Uncle Rafa!" Noah sobbed but didn't move, "...Grandma Sheila, please don't hurt my daddy!"

The room went silent.

Sheila froze in place, her head buzzing.

Olivia's heart just about exploded in her chest with a mixture of love and terror.

Barba fought to hold Noah behind him even as the little boy tried to move in front to shield him - it seemed that as young as he was Noah already had the Benson instinct to protect, especially those he loved.

"GUN!" A shout came unexpectedly from behind them and they all turned to see Fin and Carisi standing in the doorway with their guns trained on Sheila Porter.

Sheila froze in horror at the sight of the two detectives; she looked at Barba and Noah on the floor and then over at Olivia.

"Sheila..." Olivia started to negotiate more calmly now that she had backup, "...put down the gun. This is not going to end well for you today. I know that you love Noah, but we are creating something here, a family...and I don't believe that you want Noah's lasting memory of you to be watching you hurt someone that he loves."

Sheila looked down at Noah, who looked up at her with terror in his eyes. "Noah?" Sheila asked with a shaky voice.

Noah didn't speak, he just leaned into Barba as the ADA wrapped his arms around him.

"Noah, I didn't want to hurt you, baby, or your Uncle Rafael. I just wanted...you're all I have...I wanted you with me..." Sheila tried to explain.

Noah was confused and watched apprehensively as Sheila slowly lowered the gun.

"Sheila, I'm going to need you to put the safety on that thing and place it on the floor..." Fin instructed calmly.

Sheila slowly did as directed, her eyes not leaving Noah.

"Right..." Fin moved into action and quickly put some cuffs on Sheila while Carisi covered from behind. Then he looked at his friends, "How are you guys? Do we need a bus?"

"We're good..." Barba said quickly, trying to stand but then closing his eyes when he felt a little sick.

"Rafael has had a little bang to the head," Olivia said tactfully as she moved down next to him and ran her hand up the side of his neck affectionately, she glanced at Noah to let Fin know that she was minimising his injuries, "...we need to get him checked out."

"I'm fine," Barba assured.

"You're getting checked out properly, mi amor..." Olivia said softly, then Fin and Carisi exchanged a smile over their heads, "...we know better than most how important that is after a knock to the head."

"Is Uncle Rafa poorly?" Noah asked tearfully.

"He's fine, sweet boy, I promise...but Uncle Rafa is too precious for us to take risks," Olivia explained, "...you know, like when I take you to the doctors for a check-up even when you feel well?"

Noah smiled a little now but then looked up at Sheila with a frown as she was being walked out of the room.

"Why did Grandma Sheila want to hurt Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked sadly.

"I don't think she did, Noah...not really," Olivia said softly. "I think Grandma Sheila is a little poorly, and her head got woozy...then she got confused and did something _very_ naughty."

"Grandma Sheila won't be around for a while, Noah," Barba said softly and glanced up at Sheila, who looked shocked that they were being so gracious, "...but maybe one day, when she's feeling all better, you might see her again."

Noah frowned thoughtfully, "When I'm a lot older?"

Barba and Olivia nodded.

"Maybe..." Noah said and looked up at Sheila as she disappeared around the corner with tears in her eyes, "...but only if you are with me...and only if she says sorry to Uncle Rafa for hurting his head."

_TBC..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is on the way very soon!


	15. A Second First Time

With Noah long since tucked up in bed Olivia sat with her back resting against the headboard as Barba gently applied a layer of aloe vera gel over the left side of her forehead, down past her eye and just over her cheekbone.

"You called Fin," he observed with a smile, "…you're amazing."

"Because I made a call?" She smirked.

"Because in a highly stressful situation, almost completely blind, and with scalding hot coffee all over your face...you _still_ managed to call Fin," Barba explained with an amused smile.

"We were lucky that I had the phone in my hand, I think the rest was muscle memory," she shrugged and dismissed his praise. "You know I talked to Fin earlier? It seems that she'd intended to take Noah from the start, our constraints just meant that she needed to plan a new approach."

Barba sighed sadly, "I'm sorry, Liv, I know how much giving Noah that opportunity meant to you."

Olivia shrugged, "I don't know, I think I just became a little focused on giving Noah a village...or at least more than just me to rely on."

"You'll never be _just_ anything, Liv...to me or Noah," he assured firmly.

She smiled and sought out his hand, finding it near her thigh and linking their fingers, "Family is more than blood, Rafael. I think we both know that better than most…and look at the family he already has." She squeezed his hand, "Family by choice."

He smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear, leaning in to blow cool air lightly on her burn.

"How does it look?" She asked and turned the burnt side of her face towards him.

"I don't think it's going to blister…" he observed with a soft whisper and then lightly pressed his lips just below the angry red patch on her cheek. "We could get you a temporary Phantom mask? I know you love that show…" He cut short and closed his eyes with regret, hoping that she didn't take his light teasing the wrong way, "Not that you would ever need it, you're gorgeous."

Olivia smiled and shook her head, the thought hadn't even crossed her mind, she could almost _see_ the look of adoration in his voice when he spoke to her. "I've heard you sing remember? In another life, you would have made the _perfect _angel of music…" She moved a little closer and nuzzled the side of his face, "a little higher," she guided and then licked her bottom lip when she felt his mouth move up to brush with the lightness of a feather over her sensitised and scolded flesh. "Better already…" she added with a slightly tearful smile.

"How are you feeling?" Barba asked, bringing his free hand to her waist as he placed the aloe tube on her bedside table and then shifted a little closer.

"How am I feeling?!" Olivia asked with an emotional burst of laughter. "You have a concussion, the woman hit you with her gun and then held it to your head…while you focused all of your attention on protecting my son," Olivia moved forward and rested her forehead on his shoulder. "You have no idea how terrified I was, Rafa."

"Exactly, at least I could see what was happening…your son was in the room with an unstable woman holding a gun, I can't even imagine how terrified you must have been…" Barba spoke with hushed tones and pulled her close.

"I could see your shadows - you on the floor with Noah, Sheila holding the gun…" Olivia said with a shudder at the memory.

"I would never have let her hurt him…" he reassured firmly.

Olivia gasped and let out a harsh laugh, "Jesus, Rafa! Don't you think I know that? I knew he was on that floor with you, even though I couldn't get to him I never doubted for one second that you would put yourself in harm's way to protect Noah…"

"Liv…" Barba tried to interrupt.

"…But to have found this," she said tearfully, "…to have found this with _you _and then to have lost you. Rafa, I can't even begin to process what that would have done to me…or to Noah. I'm not even sure I can face trying to..."

"Liv…" Barba sighed.

"Just hold me," Olivia said tearfully. "I don't want to talk about today right now…or Sheila…I don't even want to talk about Noah. He's safe in his bed. I just want to hold you and spend the evening reassuring myself that you are really here…that you aren't the product of my own broken psyche." She rocked a little and Barba's arms tightened around her, a little terrified by how weak and lost she sounded.

"Liv, move back a little and let me look at you?" Barba asked quietly.

Olivia forced herself to loosen her grip and let him move away, feeling his eyes roam around her face. She could see his familiar outline and moved forward a little, working to relax her eyes and then seeing the line of his nose and the cut of his jaw. "I wish I could see you," she said sadly for what felt like the hundredth time. She brought her hand up to trace down the side of his face, then across to brush over his lips. She felt his mouth turn up in a familiar smile and then pucker against her fingers.

Barba had an idea and ran his own fingers into her hair. "Lie back for me?" He asked softly.

"We can't…your head…" Olivia started to argue.

"I won't get too carried away, I promise. I know that you long to connect visually…but just let me touch you…" Barba whispered.

Olivia moved down the bed, completely putting herself into his hands. She felt him carefully pull up her top and slip it over her head, before unclipping and disposing of her bra. Then her pants and underwear were gently tugged down her legs and disposed of along with her socks.

"Rafael…" Olivia whispered tearfully.

"Lay back and close your eyes for me…" Barba reassured and leaned to press his lips to her temple as she reclined on the bed.

Olivia focused on the feeling of his lips on her face and smiled a little as her head came to rest on the pillow, then her mouth opened on a silent gasp when his tongue flicked out lightly and tasted her skin.

"I'm going to take care of you, Liv…" He whispered calmly. "Turn over and face down…"

Olivia turned without question, then lay her head to the left on the pillow so as to avoid her burn.

"Are you comfortable?" He asked softly.

Olivia smiled and nodded.

Barba quickly stood to kick off his shoes, he tugged off his socks before removing his pants and shirt, then returned to the bed in just his undershirt and boxers.

Olivia felt his knee touch her hip and shuddered.

"Are you cold?" Barba checked.

She smirked and shook her head, "I'm not cold, Rafa…" she replied softly and felt tears well in her eyes at his concern.

He reached over and opened a drawer, finding a bottle of lavender oil and pouring a little into his hand, he rubbed his palms together and moved to start caressing her calf muscles with slow calming strokes. Then he moved over her heel, pushing his thumbs into the muscles and then down the sole of her feet…stretching and smoothing the skin…

"God, Rafael, that feels wonderful…" Olivia smiled and licked over her bottom lip.

"I haven't even got to the good bits yet…" Barba smiled and leaned to brush his lips just under the crease of her ass.

Olivia gasped and arched up a little, "Jesus, Rafa, when you're touching me they're_ all _the good bits…" she groaned and pushed her ass impatiently towards him.

Barba chuckled and then hummed as his fingers moved firmly up her legs, he stroked confidently against the backs of her knees. "Oh, trust me, I know that…" he retorted and felt his heartbeat quicken when her feet curled up towards him.

He reached for the oil again, poured a little more onto his hand and then lifted his knee to straddle her legs. He leaned to stroke the oil over her back, working into her muscles and smoothing out from her spine with his hands. He kissed her skin, "Your back is perfect…" Barba observed quietly as his lips traced up her spine and in between her shoulder blades. Then he moved up and slowly massaged her shoulders.

After a few minutes, his hands moved back to her waist and then smoothly slid around her hips and… "…your ass is also heavenly…" he added with an audible smile as his hand smoothed over the globes firmly and caused Olivia to turn her head and groan loudly into the pillow.

"Jesus, Rafa…" Olivia hissed.

"Seriously, I made every effort not to objectify my best friend…but there have been times that I couldn't stop my eyes from following your ass out of the room," Barba teased and grazed his teeth lightly over one of her cheeks.

Olivia forced out a breathless, "God, me too!"

He grinned, "Olivia Benson has the hots for my ass?"

She laughed a little against the pillow, feeling simultaneously lighter and overwhelmed by how easily her lover had lifted her fears. "I hate when you leave, but I love to watch you go…"

Barba laughed at her cheesy joke but then made Olivia gasp when his tongue swiped a long line up her spine.

She felt his solid cock against her ass as he leaned down and brushed her hair aside. "Turn back over for me…" he whispered in her ear and then waited as she turned up to face him.

Barba leaned down to kiss her lips, "I'm going to keep my eyes closed now, Liv, I swear…I won't open them once…"

Her breath caught as his lips trailed down her neck, taking his time to kiss, lick and nip lightly over every sensitive spot that he'd memorised and then hovering whenever he discovered somewhere new.

He kissed into the well of her throat and then flicked his tongue out causing Olivia to shudder.

"Are you…okay…?" She hissed breathlessly, still a little concerned about him.

"I'm so much better than okay," Barba assured as he moved to smile against the dip just above her clavicle. He took a deep breath and luxuriated in the scent combination of lavender and pure Olivia...before he descended further.

His lips traced down to her sternum and then she gasped and arched her back on the bed when his lips encircled one of her taut nipples. "Fuck, Rafa!" She hissed and then dragged her teeth over her bottom lip.

Humming softly Barba sucked and then grazed the sensitive nub with his teeth, flicking his tongue along the underside before moving to the other breast and biting down lightly on her flesh.

"I'm also rather attached to your breasts," Barba muttered against her skin and grinned.

"Literally…" Olivia replied with a smile and then gasped as a shot of lightening seemed to rush down to her core and short circuit her brain. Just at that moment Barba pushed his cock against her clit and surprised her with a sudden and completely unexpected orgasm.

She rolled her eyes back in her head and strained towards him as a wordless scream escaped her mouth, then she slumped back and dropped her arm down next to her head.

Barba reached up to link their fingers together on the pillow and then moved up to give her a slow and exploring kiss. His other hand moved to hold her hip as he braced above her and possessed her mouth until all she could do was groan in request for air.

He pulled back, his eyes still resolutely closed, as promised, and ran his nose against hers affectionately, "You're beautiful…" he whispered softly and Olivia knew that this time he wasn't talking about what he saw with his eyes.

"Make love to me…" Olivia asked almost silently.

"I already am…" He replied earnestly and then began his journey back down her body. "I could do this every single day of my life…" Barba muttered against her belly and then slowly moved across to lick her hip bone in a slow and thorough exploration.

"Please…oh, God!" She gasped when he discovered a surprisingly sensitive spot on her hip and then flicked his tongue out experimentally. She arched towards him before finally completing her thought, "…Please…do!"

Barba nuzzled his nose gently into the crease at the top of her thigh, "Sure…" he replied with a lazy smile and then shocked her by moving his head between her legs and swiping his tongue suddenly through her folds.

"Raf…!" She groaned and gripped tightly onto the hand still laced with hers, she widened her legs and shuddered when his lips settled around her clit. "Oh fuck, Rafa…" she gasped as another sudden orgasm hit her like a warm wave through her body.

After a few moments, he kissed the inside of her thigh and then made his way slowly up her body, stopping briefly to suck one of her nipples into his mouth. When they were finally level Olivia stretched up to kiss him and reached down to the band of his boxers.

"Raincheck, Carino?" Barba said sleepily and kissed along her jaw. "I just want to sleep," he dropped to her side and curled against her, his head coming to rest just below her chest and causing Olivia to remember his injury.

"Are you okay, sweetheart? Maybe this was a bad idea?" Olivia asked and ran her hand from just below where she knew his stitches to be.

Barba smiled and turned to sleepily press his lips to her stomach. "I feel good, mi amor, I swear. No headaches, no dizziness, no nausea…but this was just about you…and we've had a long day. Let's sleep…"

Olivia leaned down to press her lips to the top of his head, "Sleep, mi vida…" she whispered soothingly and then listened to his breathing level out as her mind drifted back to what she could have lost.

* * *

The next morning, Olivia woke to find herself tucked under the covers with Barba spooned behind her. She realised that he must have woken during the night and made them both a little more comfortable.

She turned and kissed his lips, blinking her eyes and finding that from this close she could see his responding smile for the first time since her attack. She moved her hand up to trace her fingers over his lips and then kissed him again.

"Hey…" he murmured sleepily, and then must have blinked his eyes because his mouth turned down slightly with worry. "Hey, are you okay?"

Olivia realised that she must have tears in her eyes so quickly smiled and shook her head, "I can see your smile…" she whispered tearfully, and then as though her mind had only just had the time to catch up she looked up quickly and stared into his eyes. Her eyesight was still blurry, but it focused a little and she blinked in wonder at the sight of his expressive green eyes. They were full of all the love she had been able to hear in his voice for weeks and she struggled to find the words. "Rafael…" she whispered tearfully and leaned to kiss him briefly before pulling back. She held his gaze for a few seconds and then smiled, this was the gift that she had been waiting for.

"I love you, Rafael Barba," she spoke clearly and saw the answering smile in his eyes.

* * *

Later that day, Barba arrived through the door with two large boxes.

Noah looked up from his Lego and widened his eyes, "Uncle Rafa! What have you got?"

Barba glanced at Olivia in the kitchen. He saw her smile and guess that he would be looking to her to let him know what he should say.

She walked through to sit next to Noah, looking at him closely enough to see his eyes and then took a deep breath before explaining. "Noah, Uncle Rafa has been to his apartment to collect some of his things."

Noah frowned a little and looked at Barba, he didn't like the idea of his Uncle Rafa going anywhere near his own apartment…but he did kind of like the fact that he had collected things and then come home.

"We told you this morning that my eyes are getting better," Olivia started to explain, "…well, the doctor has told us that I could be _all_ better in just a few weeks."

Noah nodded, he was happy that his mommy's eyes were starting to get better.

"As we told you from the start, I was here to help you and your mommy while she was poorly…and, of course, her eyes are getting better now…" Barba started to explain as he put down his boxes and sat.

Noah didn't say anything, he just looked back at his mommy - what did this have to do with what was in the boxes?

Olivia sighed and tried to think about the best way to explain the situation. "Uncle Rafa was…no, Uncle Rafa will _always_ be my best friend…" she smiled up at Barba who was sat on the other side of Noah now and just far enough away to be completely out of focus. She looked back at Noah and continued, "But since he came to stay I think you understand that our friendship has changed? Uncle Rafa sleeps in my bed now, you've seen us hug a lot and even sometimes you've seen us kiss?"

Noah nodded.

"Well, that's because I love your Uncle Rafa very much. So, Noah, I would like you to have a think and decide how you would feel about you and I inviting Uncle Rafa to become part of our family," Olivia suggested cautiously.

Noah frowned, "You told me that Uncle Rafa is _already_ family…"

Olivia took a deep breath and had a think, "Remember yesterday when Grandma Sheila was feeling poorly and you got a little upset?"

Noah nodded sadly.

"You called Uncle Rafa your daddy, Noah. Do you think that you might like that?" Olivia asked, moving forward a little so that she could see him clearly.

The little boy looked back at Barba and bit his lip over the smile that was starting to form as realisation began to dawn. "For_ real?"_ He asked.

"Uncle Rafa has picked up some things from his apartment so that he can stay with us for a few more weeks…" Olivia explained, "…but during that time we want to have lots of important chats with you. We want you to think hard about how you would feel about Uncle Rafa staying here with us."

"Forever?" Noah asked.

She nodded, "But you need to understand, if Uncle Rafa were to live here he would not be on a sleepover anymore, this would be his home. You, me and Uncle Rafa…" Olivia explained.

Noah's mouth turned up in a smile that Olivia found startlingly reminiscent of a certain Rafael Barba. Her heart jumped a little into her throat as she recognised for the first time how much life had changed for everyone since she had lost her sight.

"Mommy…" he smiled patiently and rolled his eyes, "…it's _always_ been you, me and Uncle Rafa!"

* * *

Over the next couple of weeks, Barba organised a sublet on his apartment, putting most of his furniture into storage but bringing all of his clothes and many personal items to the apartment.

As Olivia's sight continued to return she enjoyed re-familiarising herself with her home - the familiar mixed alongside the beautifully unfamiliar.

Early one Saturday morning when her eyesight had almost completely returned Olivia woke early and crept out of bed. Barba had had a long week at work and she didn't start back until Monday morning, so she didn't want to disturb him. She turned and looked down at him, smiled affectionately and then leaned to press her lips gently to his temple.

She picked up her dressing gown from a nearby chair and slipped it on as she walked through to the living area. The sun shone brightly through the windows and for the first time she took several minutes to take in her surroundings. The sofa…completed perfectly with a blanket made by Rafael's grandmother. The wall above her TV…which was now decorated with a beautiful piece of Cuban modern art. Her coffee pot had gone…now replaced with a state of the art coffee making wonder that took twice as long to produce coffee but tasted ten times better (when made with the perfect coffee blend from one specific retailer). The wall/kitchen counter…which had been recently painted a rich shade of green and perfectly complemented the colorful tiles that now lined the wall underneath her kitchen cabinets.

Olivia walked over to a large vase of vivid flowers on a table near to the window and smiled - Rafael Barba had brought color into her life in so many ways.

"You liked your flowers then?" Barba asked from behind as his arms wrapped around her waist, his voice was still rough from sleep and vibrated deeply against her neck before he kissed her skin.

She smiled and leaned back against him, "They're beautiful…"

"You could have woken me…"

"You looked so gorgeous lying there fast asleep," she smiled and swayed a little. "I've been thinking, I came to your place once to pick up a file…that large wooden lamp?"

Barba chuckled, "You remember my lamp?"

"Well…I was intrigued, so I admit to a quick inventory of Rafael Barba's man cave," she grinned and turned to look at him. "I liked it…"

"You were always more than welcome to visit my man cave," Barba smiled and kissed her.

"I liked the _lamp,_ maybe we could rescue it from storage?" She suggested and raised her eyebrows.

"You don't have to do that, you know? I'm sure you don't want to be surrounded by all of my crap…" Barba smiled and kissed her lips.

"I love all of your crap…" Olivia argued with a grin, "…and being surrounded by you is one of my favorite things."

"It's a shame you didn't come around to my place more often...the whole place to ourselves…the endless possibilities." He paused, then laughed and pulled her close, kissing her lips and then smiling, "I've just remembered…tonight is sleepover night!"

Olivia grinned in return, "I hadn't forgotten…" her lips trailed to his ear, "…the _endless_ possibilities…" she whispered and then kissed down his neck as he dropped his head back and laughed. "You know…" she observed casually, "…this will be the first time since my sight fully returned."

Barba pulled back and smiled, his eyes wandered over her body and then held her gaze. "I hope it's not a disappointment," he teased lightly.

Olivia laughed and crowded him up against the kitchen counter, "Not even fucking possible," she whispered, her hands coming to his waist and slipping under his t-shirt, "…I waited long enough to get my hands on you, I can't wait to get my eyes on you as well."

He rolled his eyes, but felt his heartbeat begin to speed up a little, "Sorry I've been so busy this week.." He apologised sincerely.

"It's all good, Rafael, I promise. You've been here…that's the most important thing. I've kind of enjoyed teasing myself, it feels like my sight has improved exponentially every day. I almost wanted to wait a few days…until I could enjoy you in HD technicolor," she grinned and nipped his ear teasingly as Barba let out a low grown.

"Mommy, what are you doing to Uncle Rafa?" Noah asked with a confused smile from the corner of the room.

Olivia pulled back with a slightly flustered laugh and turned to face Noah, standing in front of Barba so he had a moment to collect himself. "I'm just reminding Uncle Rafa how much I love him," she replied smoothly.

Noah smiled, seeming to be content with that answer and then walked over to climb up onto one of the breakfast bar chairs. "I'm hungry…" he looked over at Barba expectantly.

"Oh, so I'm on breakfast duty am I?" He laughed with amusement.

"You've been missing at breakfast every day for _ages!"_ Noah complained with a little pout.

Barba did a quick calculation, "Four breakfasts, Noah…" he smiled and walked around to open the refrigerator, "…you make me sound like an absent father…" it took him a second to register what his sleepy mind had allowed to slip out, then he winced and closed his eyes.

But Noah took it in his stride, "What is absent?"

"It means not here…" Olivia explained and ran her hand over Barba's hip as she walked behind him and into the kitchen area. She knew that he would be kicking himself for the verbal slip.

Noah frowned, "But Uncle Rafa has been here, every single night…he just missed breakfast."

"I know, baby, Uncle Rafa was just joking…" Olivia explained.

Noah tilted his head, he didn't really understand his Uncle Rafa's joke, but his mommy seemed to be smiling so maybe it was a grownup joke. "What are the others called? The ones who are always here?" He asked with interest as he watched Barba begin to prepare them all some pancakes.

Olivia smiled at Noah as he watched Barba so attentively and then stroked her hand over his head, "They're called_ daddies, _sweet boy."

* * *

Barba sat on the edge of the bed and fiddled with the charging cable for his phone. He could hear Olivia moving around in the bathroom and smiled a little triumphantly when he untangled the wire and then plugged it in.

"I don't know," he observed with a slightly louder than normal voice so that she could hear him in the bathroom, "...it's a little weird not having Noah here…quiet…"

He heard her chuckle, "I know, but I think we'll adjust. I think a couple of nights a month with the apartment to ourselves could be fun…" she walked out of the bathroom and paused in the doorway, "…don't you think?"

Barba glanced up at her casually and then dropped his phone on the floor. _"Liv…"_ he gasped in awe and completely forgot that he had ever even owned a phone.

"You like?" She teased and cocked her hip before walking slowly towards him. "Amanda helped me shop yesterday…" she smiled with a forced casual turn and tried to slow her heartbeat down.

"Like?" Barba gasped and stood on surprisingly wobbly legs, "…you look like…you're…"

"Is Rafael Barba actually speechless?" Olivia teased and stepped a little closer.

He reached out and his hand hovered over her hip, almost looking afraid to touch her in case she evaporated before his eyes. His eyes roamed over her simple emerald green silk lingerie.

"I guess I could have gone all out, stockings and suspenders…the whole nine yards…like Amanda tried to…" she reflected awkwardly, "…this just felt more like me…and I didn't think…"

"You look heavenly…" Barba uttered breathlessly, "…you look perfect in one of my old school shirts, but you went shopping…for this…thinking of me…" his hand finally came to rest on her hip, over the strap of her high-leg panties.

Olivia's mouth turned up at the corner in a half-smile and her eyes sparkled, "I _did_ think of you…" she teased, "…or maybe of you taking them off…"

Barba smiled now, tilting his head to the side and teasingly leaning in to brush his lips over hers before pulling back. "Yeah?" He asked and stepped a little closer so that he could feel her thighs brush lightly against his sweatpants. He reached to comb his fingers into her hair, "Now I feel like I should have made more of an effort…"

Olivia smirked, "I don't care what you're wearing, in fact, I'd be happy if you just started to take clothes _off."_

"Only want me for my body?" Barba teased with a self-deprecating roll of his eyes.

"Tonight? Yes. I want to see what I've won…" She started to walk him back towards the bed and his eyes flickered with a little insecurity. Olivia smiled and tilted her head to kiss along his jaw, "Don't worry, I already know that you're perfect, I've felt every inch."

He swallowed hard and felt his legs hit the edge of the bed seconds before he fell back.

"…I've tasted every inch…" she continued teasingly before bending to slide her hands under his t-shirt and pull up, "…now I want to give my eyes a feast!"

Barba barked out a laugh at her intentionally cheesy line, then he closed his eyes and lifted his arms as his shirt was tugged up over his head.

Olivia looked down at Barba, staring up at her with his mouth hanging open a little, breathing heavily and scanning his eyes over her body…and then up to meet her gaze. "Come here?" He asked and reached out to her.

She smiled and shook her head, "Not yet…" she rested her hands on his thighs and dropped to her knees between his legs.

Barba swallowed hard at the sight and dropped his head back, he groaned and licked his lips before croaking out, "Fair warning - if you get any closer to my cock I'm not going to last…"

Olivia smirked and stroked both hands up his legs, "Really?"

His head moved up and he looked down at her with a fiery stare, _"Liv…"_

"Rafa?" She smiled with amusement, her gaze flitting between his eyes and mouth, enjoying the sight every bit as much as she imagined. She moved forward and stretched up to meet his lips briefly, feeling his solid cock straining against her stomach and breasts as she trailed down his chest slowly.

"Liv…" He groaned as her lips reached his belly and her tongue flicked out teasingly.

"Rafa…" She replied with a tantalising smile and then tucked her fingers into the band of his pants, "…lift…"

He dropped back on to his elbows but continued staring down at her with dark eyes as he pushed up obediently and lifted his hips slightly off the bed.

Olivia licked over her bottom lip and pulled, taking down his boxers at the same time and carefully freeing his aching flesh.

"Liv…" he hissed again and dropped back onto the bed as he felt her warm breath on his cock.

Her hand came up and encircled him, watching with fascination as she stroked with familiar ease. "You're beautiful…" she whispered reverently.

Feeling her words against his hypersensitive flesh caused Barba to growl and then uncontrollably tilt his hips towards her.

"Someone knows what he wants," Olivia observed with a smile.

Barba huffed out a frustrated laugh and brought up a hand to wipe over his face, he lifted his head and looked down at her with a self-conscious smile, "Right now, mi amor, I just don't want to…oh God…" he paused and closed his eyes when she licked her lips, "…embarrass myself…"

Olivia smiled broadly and then leaned in to flick her tongue over the underside of his cock, "Not even possible…"

"Even if I come just from the sight of you licking me like that?" Barba asked breathlessly.

She smirked and rolled her eyes, "We have all night…I'm sure you could occupy yourself while we waited for you to…reload."

Barba laughed now and dropped his head back onto the bed, his forearm coming up to cover his eyes, "That's mighty generous of you, Lieutenant."

"I'm all about _giving," _she teased and then took hold of the base of his cock as she sucked the head into her mouth. She never once closed her eyes, looking over his torso, along his straining throat and to his mouth, which was breathlessly hanging open.

"Liv…" He gasped again as she worked him confidently. They hadn't done this before, she wasn't unwilling but it had been Rafael who had insisted on waiting until she could see. He felt uncomfortable and admitted to her one evening that he only wanted this when she felt in control, went she could take the lead.

The arm not covering his eyes came up automatically to reach for her head and then he stopped himself and grabbed onto the sheets, clawing at them and then tugging sharply.

Olivia moved back a little, "Look at me…"

His arm moved away and he looked down at her breathlessly.

"Touch me…don't stop yourself…and watch me, I want you to…" she assured.

He licked his lips but then moved the hand that had been covering his eyes up to brace his head, he watched as her lips encircled him again and groaned.

She licked up the underside and smiled at him, "Put your hand in my hair, I like it…"

Barba lifted his hand and stroked into her hair, her eyes never leaving his as she slowly took him back into her mouth.

Suddenly he took in a deep breath, "Wait…" he gasped, "…that can wait…come up here to me."

Olivia watched him as she slowly pulled back, "You're sure?" She smiled.

"As you said," he encouraged her toward him and kissed her lips, "…we have all night…I want to be with you now…"

"We can do that…" Olivia agreed, licking her lips as she moved up from the floor to straddle his waist. She looked down at him - his head back, his eyes closed and his mouth open, then ran her hand through his hair as she leaned to tease his lips.

Her mouth brushed over his lightly, air blending between them, his eyes remained closed and she watched his face, taking in every reaction, every twitch of his eyes, every lift of his lips, every shift of his jaw. Her tongue flicked inside and met his teasingly, then she caught his bottom lip with her teeth, "I love kissing you," she muttered against his mouth and dragged one hand firmly up his back.

"Liv…" he gasped into her mouth.

She smiled, "I always loved that, the way you say my name…even before..."

He opened his eyes now and the corner of his mouth turned up in a half-smile, "Like I want to eat you alive…?"

"I'm sure I would have picked up on that before," she grinned with amusement.

"Trust me, detective, I was thinking it…" he stretched up to kiss her lips.

"And I thought you respected me as a friend," Olivia teased, holding his smiling gaze.

"Meeting you confirmed to me that those two things are not mutually exclusive," his hand moved from bracing himself on the bed and trailed up her waist.

"Keep your eyes open," Olivia instructed as she reached back and flicked over her bra.

"I liked that," Barba joked with mock sadness as it dropped forward and revealed her breast.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be spending plenty of time together…" she assured as she dropped it to one side. Then she gasped when his lips encircled one of her nipples, "…Jesus, Rafa…"

"Eyes on me," he muttered against her flesh and then licked teasingly when her eyes linked with his. He worked leisurely, feasting on one breast and then move to the other - biting, licking, kissing…sucking.

"Rafa!" Olivia groaned after a few minutes as he sucked her into his mouth and then flicked the tip of his tongue over the underside of the little nub. She bucked forward into his lap and ground her silk-covered centre against his straining cock. "Need to…lie down…" she gasped out and lolled her head back limply.

He braced himself with one arm and wrapped the other around her waist before lifting and flipping over quickly.

Olivia found herself lying on the bed, looking up at him.

"I love these too," he smiled and tucked his fingers into the waist of her remaining underwear, "…but they really need to go…"

She braced on one foot to lift her hips, letting Barba slip down their final barrier before opening her legs and welcoming his body between her thighs.

"Hey," he smiled at her and held her gaze as they felt him line up with her core.

"Hey…" She repeated, biting the corner of her lip over a smile and then bringing her hand up to stroke down the side of his face. "I've _really_ missed this…"

Barba nodded, understanding exactly what she meant, and leaned down to press a chaste yet open-mouthed kiss to her lips. He braced himself on his arms and tilted his head a little deepening the kiss and taking the time to taste and explore her mouth.

Olivia's hand came up to stroke firmly over his broad biceps, "You've been hiding a lot under those nicely cut suits."

He pulled back and smiled at her, his eyes crinkling up a little at the sides.

"Don't get too cocky," she teased and stretched up to nip his jaw lightly.

"Oh…I'm plenty cocky," he joked and pushed against her folds, feeling her wetness flood against his eager length.

Olivia gasped and laughed simultaneously, closing her eyes and biting her lip as her whole body seemed to strain up to meet him. "Enough teasing…" she gasped and reached down to wrap her hand around his cock.

"Look at me," Barba uttered with complete sincerity.

She met his eyes as he lined up with her entrance.

"Remember, I promised two first times?" Barba said softly.

Of course she remembered, Olivia had replayed that moment so often in her head that she could almost feel it. "Rafael…" she whispered tearfully and then felt the tear escape and slip down her temple.

"I love you," he affirmed and then held her gaze as he slowly began to slide home.

Olivia looked into his eyes, then quickly allowed herself a glance down at his body as he joined with hers, before returning and pulling his head down for a kiss, "I love you, so much…"

Their legs linked together as they rolled a little to the side, Barba thrusting home hard and then covering her body. One hand drifted up into her hair as the other gripped her waist while he rocked his hips, working with short thrusts and keeping heavy pressure on her clit.

She watched his body strain against her, the pull of his muscles, the way his fingers gripped her damp skin, his eyes when they opened suddenly and linked with hers - deep golden-green clashing with rich brown - she watched the way his neck stretched when he moved up to kiss her, then the way his hand glided down her waist and gripped her hip.

"You're..." He started to speak but she brought her fingers up to cover his mouth.

They didn't need words anymore, this was perfect.

* * *

The following morning Olivia blinked open her eyes and smiled when she saw Barba lying asleep next to her. She edged closer and snuggled into his side, pressing her lips to his neck and then breathing in deeply.

"Mornin' gorgeous…" She whispered against his skin and then pulled back and watched a sleepy smile spread across his face, playing a part in making Rafael Barba so happy was a deep joy that Olivia was convinced she would never come down from.

Barba turned towards her without opening his eyes and lifted his leg over her waist. He pulled her against him and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck, "Mornin'," he replied against her neck.

She could feel his teeth on her skin when he smiled and then stroked up his back before running her fingers into his hair.

"Last night was…amazing…" he murmured sincerely and then flicked his tongue up her neck, "…you were amazing…" he was silent for a few moments and then sang quietly against her shoulder, _"...somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good..."_

Olivia laughed joyfully and wrapped him into a tight embrace.

"What time is Noah home?" He asked after a couple of minutes.

She lifted her head and looked at the bedside clock. "About an hour, why?"

Barba shrugged and pulled her back into his arms, "I thought we could go somewhere together, like a family outing. It is Sunday."

Olivia smiled and closed her eyes, "A family outing? I like the sound of that."

"Where do you want to go?" He asked curving his hand around her hip.

She smiled with what she recognised to be complete contentment, then turned her head to lazily kiss just under his ear, "I_ really_ don't mind, you decide…"

**THE END**


End file.
